Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ulysses]

I don’t believe this “you’re born alone and you die alone “ anymore. I once said it to my daughter and she said “ I wasn’t born alone Mum. You were there. And hopefully I won’t die alone. So true

[Ulysses]

Db you are one of the seeetest people in here. You have helped me so much

[white knight]

In context the saying was mentioned to put gravity on the fact that we need to collect strength within ourselves to battle with life.. other people cant be around all the time to support.

Hence the need to raise confidence within, when alone.

Tony WK

[demonblaster]

Grandy keep holding my hand hun if you relax your grip i'll hold tighter ok just don't let go

Atm moreso can't put thoughts to words, you said you trust me, thankyou, goes deep. Lot of reasons im starting to figure this out

Please believe there is hope, just need more time. Worth it for end result.

Darl talk away, outlet & heres where you can

We're here for you as you for us.

We all need eachother here

Care so much G.

Uly what a beautiful thing to say thankyou

Hi everyone

[Ulysses]

Yes sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. In not mind I was just trying to make everyone feel happier. I have a knack of saying the wrong thing

[white knight]

Ulysses, no offence taken whatsoever

Interesting u ou say you tend to say the wrong thing. "Foot in mouth" as they call it us common in mental illness. Ive had it all my life. I read that its very common in adhd people and manic ones like me.

Hence patience needed.

Thankyou.

I havent actually met you here before so welcome friend.

Tony WK

[Ulysses]

Lol thanks. I feel better now. The foot in mouth thing has always been a pain. We have met. You told me that complaining about injustices handed out by the government system was pointless. And you were right. G grand hope you’re ok

[Ggrand]

Hello, DB, WK,

I lived for everyone one, not me, first parents, then hubby, My identity, I don't have one, I have always put everyone first, and lived only to please them, They are all gone now, so my reason has gone as well. I don't know who I am, I don't know how to live for me. I'm bored with me. I can't see me. I can't find me.

DB... You said you would tighten your grip if I relax mine, please start tightening it.

GG.

[White_Rose]

Hello Ulysses

I think we have met in other threads. How are you going? Great posts to Karen.

Hello Karen

I am so sorry you will be spending Christmas alone. It is a time when families get together. I think you are sitting on your own being afraid of seeing your family. Please don't take offence. I have stayed at home rather than join the family at times and it did not make me feel better. We are social creatures and the interaction with others is part of our well-being.

You feel you cannot talk to your sons because it will be difficult and that's probably true. But once the ice is broken it does get easier. Hiding away allows you to brood and become more upset. I would not presume to say these things if I had not experienced them in my own life.

In some ways I dread Christmas because it puts me in contact with my ex-husband. It's difficult being in the same room with him and I find myself slipping back into my old ways when he is around. It's unnerving. It is a lot easier now because I have learned to be kinder to myself, but mostly because I have realised I no longer need to put up with his crap. That has been so liberating.

Learning how to manage yourself is not necessarily easy. Not because learning new things is difficult but because you need to discover why you react in the way you do. Well, that's been my experience. Please try not to hide away. I know it's very hard to get out and even worse meeting people. Truly this will help you heaps.

Mary

[Ggrand]

Hello Mary,

Mary, you said....... "I have realised I no longer need to put up with his crap. That has been so liberating". Thank you for saying that....I also don't need to put up with his (hubby) crap. Those words made me for the first time focus on what he done to me, instead of the pain he inflicted on me. I got angry with him, while I felt anger towards him, my painful thoughts lessened for a little while.

Mary, No offence taken....You are right that's one of my reasons I'm staying home at Christmas... one of the other reasons is guilt of my sons not having Christmas ever, when young and when I watch my grandchildrens faces when opening the presents, guilt and a few more emotions sets in and I withdraw into myself. It has happened two years running, but not this year, I want them to enjoy themselves...My door is never closed to them if they wish to come after Christmas my arms and heart are always open for them. I love them dearly.

Mary...Everytime you talk to me here, you seem to know what I'm feeling, going through or thinking of at the time you post. Your posts do help me..(especially this one)..Thank you so much, I appreciate you being here, you have so much wisdom and help so many people with your kind,compassionate and honest words.

Kindness only

GG.