Dear Grandy and Everyone 🤗
I think that was good to tell the area manager you will rethink your decision in the Christmas break. I would say trust your intuition Grandy. If it really feels better not to go back, that sounds like what is best for you. It does sound like it is better for your health.
I am the same as you in that I had to please others as a child otherwise I was met with punishment. I was taught to neglect myself completely while taking care of others. Two days ago I went to my local supermarket and there was a charity raffle. The guy there encouraged me to pay the minimum raffle price of $25. I have regularly donated to charities but I often do so at my own expense. I was so sick that day and could hardly speak. I am also worried about my financial future. But as always, someone else wanted something so I gave it. While it is a good cause, I negated myself in the process. When I got home I burst into tears because I realised yet again I hadn't done what I really wanted in that situation. I have given to charities so many times, but then I look at myself who has no family support and debilitating chronic health conditions, and I think who is there to help me? Only me. And yet I still fail to put myself first when I need to.
So I completely understand what you are saying Grandy, that it is really, really hard to put your needs first. The irony of the above situation with the charity is that morning I was trying to find affordable places to stay in a town I want to visit in order to visit a friend in a nursing home. I was looking for the cheapest place possible, yet I automatically give my resources away to others. I think the thing that can potentially turn the pattern around is when you realise your own health and wellbeing is being seriously damaged by not putting yourself first. So Grandy perhaps even looking at it from that perspective, that you will have less pain and feel so much better in your body when you do take care of your needs. Even thinking of the vulnerable child part of yourself that didn't get the care she needed, and going in to care for that inner child now, might help. Scoop her up and give her a big hug 🤗💗
Also, you can really take heart in the fact that customers were asking about you. That shows you are valued by people Grandy, that people see the light and goodness in you. So know that you are a valued and precious human being deserving of care and respect 🌟
I hope you and everyone are going well today and you are getting some nice rest.
Take care,
Eagle Ray
