Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand · ‎05-08-2017

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

quirkywords · ‎04-12-2017

GG

On bad days now( in the past I would stay in bed if alone or stay at home with my children) , I just keep to my routine and open my shop. I find by mid afternoon I don't feel too bad just very tired. My bad days are not as bad or as frequent nowadays as I am medicated.

I agree you are a fighter, you are still asking questions, still communicating, still helping others.

If you had a best friend who had your issues what would you say to her? I am sure you be kind and compassionate to her and give her credit for what she has done. WE tend to be much harder on ourselves than on our friends.

Quirky

Tony,

we are born alone and we pass on alone, that is so powerful . I have read that before . I am not sure if it is comforting or upsetting.

Ggrand · ‎04-12-2017

Hi Quirky,

Yes that is so powerful and I find it sad, in one way but looking at it differently not so bad.

I spend my down days in bed, only getting up for bathroom breaks and maybe a cuppa tea, food yuck couldn't be bothered, no appetite. I've lost so much weight I'm ok with that but drs aren't. I really should get up, but to do what? Walk around the house, I'm scared to pick up a broom again.

You are right, if I had a friend going through the hell im going through I would encourage, support,help her and yes give her credit for her trying.

I just get so upset with me and can't see any progress. I feel really bad that db has so much I suppose "faith" in me and I've let her down, db gets all excited and happy when I pick up, now if I speak to her tonight truthfully, well, I'm afraid that I will make her feel not so happy about herself, and that's hurting me. I know she is doing some research for me for tonight if she's well enough, maybe I will read it but not reply. Then that's not good either. I'm lost in my thoughts, there not working right.

Thank you so much for talking and answering my questions. I really appreciate it a lot.

kind thoughts and big hugs 🌈🦋🌈🦋.

GG

quirkywords · ‎04-12-2017

You help people and people who help you won't be let down.

I wish you could be your own good friend. I know it is hard because we all get into a pattern of not linking ourselves and putting ourselves down.

It isiportnat to change our thinking and get out of the mind rut.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

Ggrand · ‎04-12-2017

Hi Quirky,

I need to thank you for being with me today, you helped me through today,

I hope you sleep peacefully and wake up peacefully as well.

Quirky you have such a lovely soul and are so kind. Thank you again.

hugs 🤗🤗🤗 🦋🦋🦋🦋🌈🌈🌈🌈

GG.

Ggrand · ‎05-12-2017

Hi Quirky,

I hope you slept well last night and wake to a peaceful day..

If I may ask Quirky, what kind of shop do you have? Does it get busy?. Only if you want to let me know.

Another darn downer teary day, did music last night, I got a few hours sleep. I put Leo Rojas on repeat. It was still playing this morning, and loud, my poor dogs must have been annoyed and stayed awake all night, I put them outside for toilet this morning, they did so, then both came inside and now both sound asleep.

Hate Tuesdays, The physiatrist gave me 3 months ( don't want it and never asked for it) off my volunteer job, but I'm not abiding by him, The reason is, if I do, then I will have nothing to force me to leave these 4 walls, as much as I hate it, I suppose, I can say it's a tool to help me to get out. After Vinnies, I have physiatrist appt Then phycology appt. Then joblink appt.

It's going to be a busy , emotional day, I can do this..

Kind thoughts,

GG.

Peppermintbach · ‎05-12-2017

Hi GG,

I hope it’s okay if I pop in to say hi. Thank you for the lovely message that you left on my thread. It made my morning 🙂

I must admit that I’m not really familiar with your story or know that much about you. But I’ve read snippets here and there on other threads and you seem to have had a very traumatic past. I know you’re in good hands here with Quirky, Tony WK and all your other lovely supporters.

I wanted to say that I have noticed (and appreciate) the sensitivity and kindness that echoes throughout all your posts. Your words bring a lot of comfort to many people here.

Anyway, today sounds very intense and hectic for you. You seem (understandably) apprehensive about all your appointments and commitments today. But as you said, it means that you will leave the house so maybe that’s one blessing admidst the nerves and fear.

I, along with others, believe you can get through today. Maybe remember the warmth of the sun on your skin or something; sometimes during rough days, small blessings from nature can bring immense comfort. I’m not saying this to downplay your pain (they are of course valid) but I’m saying it to hopefully give you some small comfort.

Anyway, I’ve probably said too much. It’s great to see you so well supported by your online friend like Quirky and Tony WK here 🙂

Caring thoughts and I too believe you can get through today.

Pepper xoxo

Sad_Mushroom · ‎05-12-2017

Hi GG,

I don't understand why you think you let others down. You made my day a few days back and I have been so excited ever since. I've had a few things going on (paperwork for court issues dealing with what I explained on the 'why not' thread) and re-reading letters etc from last year have had me crying non-stop.

YOUR post to me the other day boosted me enough to keep going! Your words helped me to continue and I finished at 6am this morning. Thank You! I didn't think I'd hold in the pain long enough to get it done.

I left a post on the 'why not' thread about a rainbow. Keep your eye out for it (the rainbow that is)

Thank you again.

SM

Doolhof · ‎05-12-2017

Hi GG,

Just sending you some encouragement for your day. Hope all the appointments go okay and you manage to find a way to release any frustrations, confusion, anger, tiredness or what ever might build up due to all the things you need to attend to.

Regarding the forum, I believe the community we have here is amazing, so many supportive and caring people. We all have our ups and downs, some of us more frequently than others! (Meaning I am certainly a person who experiences them myself, sometimes more frequently than I like to admit.)

This forum also covers so many threads and topics within threads. I think of it like going to a party full of people in a huge room. There is no way I can get to everyone I want to talk. I even forget whom I have talked to from one day to the next, certainly not intentionally, it is just how my mind doesn't keep track of things.

For me mingling is best, popping up here and there. I have started threads myself as have many of us, some keep going and others stop being active. It is just the way of the forum.

Wishing you well once again for today and hope you do find being on the forum is supportive to you, as you have been supportive to others as well.

Cheers from Dools

quirkywords · ‎05-12-2017

GG and everyone (waves to Sadmushroom, pepper and Mrs Dool)

Just read 3 lovely posts to you from Mrs Dool with Sad mushroom, pepper - sounds like a menu! You will be so pleased to read the wonderful support and encouragement from them and how they see wonderful qualities in you , like I do, You are very much appreciated for your kindness and sensitivity to others and I hope one day you will show that to yourself.

I have mainly a book shop with gifts and toys. It does keep me going . My partner can't understand why I don't like holidays because I don't have my daily routine.

I can see Vinnies would give you a purpose and a routine. It sounds a busy day and emotional but all the people who have posted here and have read your threads, will be encouraging you and know you can cope today.

Remember these 3 kind posts and see in yourself what others see in you.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

white knight · ‎05-12-2017

When I've been unwell (my last downer was for 10 days in August) the fighter was there but he was asleep. This is the thing with mental illness...we have to be flexible and adaptive with ideas and remedies. We read articles but some articles might not work for us at that time yet just like studying, your memory of a remedy for a mood will spring to mind and you might adopt it.

One such idea was from a fellow champion some time ago about retail therapy. I dislike crowds and hate the city. Yet one day on my way to the city I wanted a donut. It just felt good to enter a shopping centre and buy one. Then I felt like window shopping and one hour later I left. I was feeling a little drained but good at the same time. Most other times I couldn't have done it.

So Granny, my dear soul, keep reading and in this current state of mind don't expect to adapt to every theory. We aren't professional medical staff, we are just like you with different illnesses and different abilities. One day the fighter might rise...but not yet.

What is important is every minute or hour consciously decide what you WANT to do. If you want to sit and watch the birds do so, do a crossword do so, watch telly do so, vacuum do so. You are unwell so remember that.

Have you considered seeing your GP for home help? Even if you feel like helping someone clean up?

Have a lovely day.

Tony WK