Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky,

Thank you for your kind words,

I will definitely try the rock/ paper writing and throw away, as I just replied to WK, I really need to do something to get my life under control. I'm trying so hard to fight my memories I draw strength from your words that you think I am stronger then I think I am.

Happy memories, I just can't seem to find any, I have tried looking for them but always when I'm trying to find one, a bad memory pops up and drags me down, I'm certain their has to be some good ones somewhere in my brain but for now I've stopped looking.

Thank you for being proud of me, it means a lot but also be proud of yourself as without you and WK I know I would have crashed.

kind thoughts,

GG

[white knight]

Thankyou GG

Now, I would like you to do me a favour.

Lie down. Google this on high volume. At the end of it tell me what you thought about during the video

Leo Rojas Der einsame Hirte

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello WH,

your probably asleep by now..I'm Hoping it's a peaceful sleep.

I played it a few times, the first time I played it my thoughts were to busy and chatty to listen properly, by the third time I played it well my thoughts were only of the music, I had no thoughts nothing but the music, peaceful I'd even say tranquil. I think that's the first time in over a week my mind just rested and took in the sounds of the music. I had it loud with earplugs in..My mind is still quiet, maybe I can get some sleep tonight,,Thank you I needed that so much..

How did you know?

GG

[quirkywords]

GG

I just listened to the music and it is vey soothing. I will listen again tonight. I wanted to listen o it after you both recommended it.

Thanks Tony.

GG that is great it helped you. Hope you managed some sleep. I think it is great your mind rested for the first time in over a week. That is the power of music and the power of Tony.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello WhitKnight and Quirky,

I agree Quirky, and I managed a few hours of sleep last night, not only sleep but a nightmare free sleep, I will be playing it tonight and before my new physiatrist appointment tomorrow. It calmed me.

Thank you WhiteKnight, once again you came to my rescue, your name suits you very well

GG.

[white knight]

Hi GG

Thankyou again to you and Quirky. Nice words.

That result is exactly the result I was hoping for. The power of distraction. It could have been merely 1 minute of peace or a good nights sleep. The fact that it relieved pressure and intrusive thoughts is the key. A holiday from your mind.

When I play it I imagine I'm an eagle. I soar high in the sky then land in a forest where there are red toadstools with white spots, native animals surrounding me, stroking my arms and tears often fall. It's my place, my heart, my soul...its my imagination and the music takes me there. Sometimes when I'm tinkering in my shed I'll hum that tune or "the wings of an eagle" by Russell Morris or similar. My wife recently introduced Celtic music to me. It has a similar effect.

The intention I have is to introduce you the key to your door. As Maharaji says, "only you have the key to your inner heart". It wont take away your history nor your bad memories but it will push them aside when you feel there is a need. An ability that has eluded you. With practice it comes easier. Then your bad memories will be where they should be ....a long way away.

Granny you are certainly taking the baby steps. There is no obligation. You are doing so well.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

WhiteKnight,

Thank you so very much for helping, I really am trying hard, listening to you, and accepting your help with an open heart. I trust what your telling me, and accepting it and trying it. I really appreciate it so much. It is really helping me.

Your thoughts when listening to the music are magical, when I read what you were imagining it sort of took me there and I could see what you saw, and can understand the tears, my favourite of all the birds is the eagle, not just saying that, it really it..Later when I can I will try to put some imagination into the music but for now just listening to it and concentrating on the sounds is calming my mind. I like the mind holiday theory.

To let you the truth, I haven't listened to music for a few years ( ex was a band member 60/70/80/ music) I have thrown all his and my music away after reading toxic people on your thread. I didn't want to know about it until I started with Marahji sunset, I still haven't listened to much more of Marahji, Just can't get my mind around the talking atm, to much talking gets mixed up together and are just annoying echo sounds going around and around and not making sense, I suppose something like small talk in your thread tolerating people..

Thanks again WH, you have great suggestions that are helping me..... I like you WhiteKnight, ( first time I've said that to a man) and have connected to you as well as DB I really think connecting to someone is important and vital for healing.

kindness WH,

GG.

[white knight]

Hi Granny

Such nice words. Its an honour that you praise me.

Ot seems you are soaking all these new experiences in slowly. You are under care with your doctors so I wont overload you.

When you do feel up to it use the search bar on top of the page.

Our own worse enemy

That might help also. You've come such a long way. You have posted on other threads in the hope you can help someone else in need. Frankly, that blew me away not because you did so, but that you made such rapid progress.

Soak it in granny. I see a smile.

YOU GOT UP AGAIN

There be stepping stones

To cross a river task

To step on that first stone

Is one step from the past

And people call you to come

And so the second one is done

Lose balance and in the drink

What will other people think?

The glory isnt in the stones

Nor your cries nor your pain

Its in the admiration

That you got up again....

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello WhiteKnight,

Thank you for your kind words, and that I "blew you away", means a lot to me, I find when I am writing to someone on the forums it helps to settle me for a bit..

another beautiful and meaningful poem, you are a good poet, I remember reading somewhere that you have written over a hundred of them well done.

I will have to say this time that my attempts at listening to Leo Rojas didn't go down very well last night, I tried. I couldn't no matter what I done, shut my mind up,

Sleep never visited me last night, just to much thinking of this visit, this morning with new Physiatrist, I know questions will be fired at me again, don't know why they need to ask same unpleasant questions, they have the answers on their computer.

Have a nice peaceful Day, WH,

kind thoughts, GG

[white knight]

Gg

Over 250 actually

CHOOKA CHOOK

Chooka chook had an angry look as she washed the dishes dry

Her friend Pecky the hen, was taken away to be fried

Then Rooty Rooster came to pass and saw Chooka sad

He sad "dont be sad, be glad

You havent been plucked nor baked, or cooked till you're black..unlike Daffy duck...who got cooked till he couldnt quack"

Chooka chook no longer sooked, she did her dishes fast

She never cried while she had her hide. ..she lived each day as her last....

Tony WK