Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

Ggrand · ‎11-09-2017

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

Guest_128 · ‎30-09-2017

Hello Ggrand,

Sorry to hear that you are not coping ATM, It is really good that you recognise your feelings and also be able to what they are.

I am worried for you and would like you to be with a friend or if possible stay with one of your sons for a bit of respite,just to have someone near can be very comforting.

Have a think maybe it would be a good idea if you had your GP/ physic talk to your son and explain what happening with you.

Thinking of you,try and get outside.

Dory.xo

white knight · ‎30-09-2017

When we go to a place if extremes, then we eventually return to near normal...only then do we acknowledge how far our emotions were out of whack.

Getting treatment will bring you back to a calmer person with things in perspective and you wont be worrying about things you have no control over.

Then your mind will have more room in it to just provide more love to others. ...

Tony WK

quirkywords · ‎30-09-2017

Karen

I am glad you are getting help.

Tony has insight and helpful advice.

We are all on your side encouraging you on.

You are taking baby steps, getting help, reaching out, so I can see you going from strength to strength. You will have not so good days but overall you have c in your life and what a joy that will be including him in your family.

My partner said meeting his brothers from his birth family meant so much to him.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Quirky

Ggrand · ‎02-10-2017

Hi and thank you for your kind words

C has confused me so much he sent a msg yesterday and called me mum.

Why?

I never gave him his bottle, changed his nappy, fixed a grazed knee, reassured him, didn't take him to school on his first day, didn't help with his homework, I wasn't there to help guide him or raise him in anyway. I wasn't a mum to him.

Being called mum by c is a privilege I don't deserve..

Sure I gave birth to him but it all stopped there..I thought about him on a daily basis. Cried on his birthdays.. but crap I don't like me.

I can't stop my mind from always thinking. This has consumed my mind my thoughts everyday and it won't stop.

Guest_128 · ‎02-10-2017

Morning,

So,you said Sure I gave birth to him,but it all stopped there.

You just gave birth to him again. So enjoy it from here,cause it is a new life now.

Embrace it,

Dory😘

quirkywords · ‎02-10-2017

Karen

Of course you deserve to be called mum. That would mean so much to c. You have taken responsibility for your past and now you need to enjoy your present and make plans for the future.

c wants you in his life, that is a wonderful opportunity for you both.

Can you replace your sad memories with some happy ones now you have met c and he wants to call you mum.?

Hugs

Quirky

white knight · ‎02-10-2017

Dear Karen,

On this occasion think only of c.

Think about the fact that he has waited decades to call his real mother "mum". Think that he might be so greatly compassionate about the pain you have gone through. Think about his desire to not be concerned about any complexity of having two mums. Think about his relationship with his adopted mum isnt as close as you might think.

Think about c's needs and desires. Only your sons wishes. Your worth is judged by his love and care not by your belief and guilt.

Tony WK

Ggrand · ‎02-10-2017

Hello Dory and Quirky.

I read your words, with what I know I should be feeling/doing.

I always prayed that we would make contact and have a relationship. I dreamed of that day for so many years and when it finally came I have to be suffering mh problems.

Quirky I am trying to did deep into my mind looking for happy memories. I think back through many years, but I have been walking on egg shells my entire life.

I think back, and I held myself together in a abused and violent childhood and marriage I survived it.i honestly thought I wouldn't.

I seem to have gone from a person that could take a beating verbally or physical to someone who is so scared of everyone that she just wants to stay inside and not make any changes to her safe little world.

I am trying to find that person again but she is hiding herself to deeply and out of reach at the moment..

I am so sorry I must be burden to you all. Without your support and caring I would have no one to reach out to.

Thank you so very much for being here.

S

Ggrand · ‎02-10-2017

Dear White Knight

You made me realize something about myself today.

Words can be powerful put in the right order.

I need some time and maybe some courage to let you know and I need to word it right.

Thank you.

Karen.

quirkywords · ‎02-10-2017

Karen

words can be powerful put in the right order- that is so true,

You are powerful and you can enjoy your future getting to know c and seeing your 3 sons get to know each other, You will meet your new grandchildren,

All this future is yours, and it may take some time but you are brave and strong and you will get there,

Quirky