A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[demonblaster]

Mr Wolfy and all hi ☺

Happy you've got goods happening budz, we so need these lighter moments to reflect on in darker times and giving us a break from pain.

3 things to look foward to;

Doing more art and calligraphy

Finishing the card

Catching up on sleep

Pleasure;

Had a group outing

Feeling happier today

Accomplishment

Went out, wasn't going to

Last night did some more art/calligraphy

Gratitude;

Time doesnt stop that brings change, often good and into an unknown future

Breakthroughs in handling depression. Babysteps but happening.

Starting to get emotional control. 🎉🎈👍

The lights still there, we can find it 🕊

[demonblaster]

😅 Soz Wolfy at least I had the right name just wrong thread 😴

Positive 👍

🌿

That's a good attitude Music. Remember to breathe hun it really does help and if you say on exhale to yourself relax our dear Grandy heard it's proven to help us ☺ All best

Hope your days continuing to be awesome good man ☺

Take care guys 🎂 oops that fell out, go on then, and a piece for your lovely wife and kids. Just leave me three quarters... I mean...

[smallwolf]

Hi All,

So my first post here was on Dec 12 last year, though I had been lurking around the forums since Oct. In my head tomorrow night is a significant date. It will be one year since all this started. How do I know this? Well I don't really, except that it was the sports awards night at my kids high school and that night was when I did the K10 test at beyond blue. That night I wouldn't talk to anyone, my wife kept asking me if I was OK, etc. I was lost (trapped) in my own thoughts!

In the most part I am better. And today, I am working from home. Daughter is here with me. With that said, the suidical thoughts have greatly diminished but being here reminds me where I was. At the same time ....

Maybe it is the crappy weather, but the rain is well needed, and yet today (and probably tomorrow) I feel hollow, frustrated, empty. And I hope this feeling will pass over the coming days. Well, I am quite certain it will. Just another speed bump in life.

End of part 1.

Tim

[demonblaster]

Good to see you Wolfy

You will get through and over this speed bump because look how far you've come in just under a year.

I'm sorry hearing how you feel, sometimes the weather does have that effect. I wonder if you've been sleeping well that takes its toll with our moods and coping strategies

If not in voice know I'm always by your side Wolfy

Take good care matey

🕊🐧🌴

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim,

Tim, you have moved forward so much over the past 8 months since you posted here, you have some achievements to be proud of, one of those is such a special and huge achievement of CC..and I would like to let you know that your posts are very helpful and helping other people is also a huge achievement, that’s two very huge & significant things that you could not have done when you first started here...😁.I started off supporting you,only for the tables to be turned around at times, and I think I owe you a thank you well several thank yous...

I’m sorry your feeling hollow, flat and frustrated, I know you will get over your speed bump because you also must remember that You also, have courage, strength, coping strategies, determination, insight and you are brave..

I think the weather can effect out moods, I know I love winter and being able to curl up under tons of warm doona’s...Summer is to hot, I cannot cool down, it’s to hot and muggy to sleep...I dislike summer and feel better in winter....

I hope those feelings your feeling go away soon Tim...

I hope you sleep good tonight and tomorrow is a better day then today...

Look after yourself always the best you can....

Love and hugs...💜🤗....

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

Part 2...

I know when things are "down" as find things do not interest me like they should. When I can only play game for 5 min before I turn it off, even mid game. Or cannot find anything on you tube that interests me. Reading not helping. Waiting. Things will get better in a day or 2. It is temporary! And I have to think about dinner for the family, but no real motivation!

[Doolhof]

Dear Tim,

Hi. I do so hope you are feeling like life is more easier to navigate. I am sorry to read that you have been doing it tough. Sometimes it is really hard to find that motivation and resilience to make each day seem worthwhile.

Trying to tell ourselves that our thoughts and moods are temporary does sort of help, then other times it all feels so futile doesn't it! Hopefully you are able to find something to connect to that will help you through this.

Do you find it refreshing to be able to mention the words "suicidal thoughts" here, knowing that people understand what you are writing and don't feel compelled to call the ambulance service and the police to assist you. Those thoughts do come at times.

They can be disturbing and troublesome. I hope you can channel them into something else, or at least acknowledge and accept them and deal with them in some way to help reduce your emotional pain.

This morning I am going to visit an open garden with a friend. I am going to take my camera. Hopefully the rain will stay away for the day so the open garden is a success.

Thinking of you Tim!

Cheers from Dools

[smallwolf]

Dools,

Thanks for popping by.

Currently at an open swim meet. Early start today. But in the open air. Lots of free time to kill.

Suicidal thoughts? Probably. A way of getting rid of those demons from the mind. I suspect, on reflection, that talking about it does help.

But am over that low. It always happens around this time of year. That is September/October. It is just something that happens, which I thought was normal.

Onwards and upwards,

Tim

[PamelaR]

Hi Wolfie

Pleased to hear you've move onwards and upwards? So have I. Was a little down there myself over the past 2-3 weeks. But all is better now.

Sorry I wasn't here during the worst of your downer. Though you have many lovely supporters here. Especially DB and Mandy, amongst many many others. You give so much and you get so much in return. Good to see.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

Thought I would jump on your forum seeing as you have been so helpful on mine.

I was wondering how you were travelling? I have been reading your forum a little bit and I was wondering how you are doing right now?

Aaron