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When I lost my Dad

Community Member

In the moment that I found out he had died I was a 5 year old eating fruit with her Dad in the small orchard he had grown; I was 6 and writing my name in the concrete he had laid as a walk way to my cubby house; I was 8 and my Dad was cleaning my toe that I had dropped a trailer on.

I was 60 and looking back on my life.

In reality, I was a 23 year old sitting out the front of the hospital where my sister had almost died, calling my older brothers to tell them our dad had committed suicide. 

Know that people love you. I love my Dad, I miss him everyday. But he just couldn't see that through his depression. I hope that you can. 

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Catherine, I am so sorry that your Dad has passed away, as mine did last year, he was 93 but had all his facilities and could remember incidences from many years ago.

At first my Dad didn't believe that I had depression and he was a GP, and with this I was really upset, until he learnt that I tried to commit suicide, and then everything changed.

Your father must have been struggling so much from depression, and unfortunately the strength from this illness had just taken his rightful soul away from him, this is  awful for him as well as his family.

People make horrendous remarks when someone does take their own life, and hell this is just so wrong and made in bad taste, they obviously don't understand the powers of this illness, and the strength it has over us.

Personally when I was in depression, I couldn't come to terms to say to my family that I loved them, but I knew that I did, I adored my two sons and all their mates who thought I was good bloke, who I could make them laugh but this was the fake Geoff, and I also adored my wife, apart from problems that I have mentioned before, and deep down I knew that they were trying to help me.

I did feel guilty, but I couldn't stop this feeling because depression had the power to control how I felt.

Why I am saying this is because your Dad would have loved you and the rest of the family, but like me didn't have the strength to tell you, it's way too impossible to utter those words, and it's not his fault.

Personally if I said to them that I loved them heir natural thoughts would be 'Dad's getting better', but I wasn't, far from it.

Your Dad would have loved you all, please trust me and have faith in what I am saying, I and others have been in the same place, but I am talking for myself. L Geoff. x

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Catherine I am new to this forum. I attempted suicide 3 years ago and survived. I obstained massive injuries but survived. I can tell you from my point of view your father absolutely adored and loved you. I would of also left behind my 6 year old son if I didnt survive. Yes I get the selfish looks and recently had a friend who verbally abused me about what I did. To her loss she is no longer my friend. I didnt plan or want to do this. Being a sufferer of depression from when I was 17 I look at it as being an illness. I love my family I love my child and I know 100% your dad loved you too. Just look at it this way your father wasnt well and he would of never wanted for this to happen.. Hope this helps you a little to feel a bit of peace and answer the question why. God Bless