Struggling With Work and Home Life Pressure

[Mattle]

Hi all,

 I’m trying this out to see if it helps.

 I’m a father of two in a single income family. My wife finds it hard to work, as my daughter is autistic and her school attendance can be minimal. This places a lot of financial strain on me as the sole income earner.

 My job is, to be frank, a bit of a shit show. It pays well, but the work load is extremely high. I’m overworked, under resourced and combined with a difficult home life, it’s causing me to sleep poorly, which makes everything feel so much harder.

 I’m suffering with high anxiety at the moment, and I can’t unwind or feel at peace ever. I just worry and feel trapped all the time.

i feel like I need to quit my job, but the mortgage and bills need to be paid, and I can’t afford to be out of work.

 Anyway, I guess I’m just sharing in the hope that someone out there has been here before and has some advice that can help.

 Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mattle,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad you could share your experience here although we are sorry you've been going through a rough time. It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure at the moment which can be exhausting, often a demanding workload can lead to burn out and a difficulty to relax when we do have that precious time to unwind.

Well done for opening up here. Lots of people on the forums find that sharing is an early step on the journey towards feeling better. We’re sure we’ll hear from them on your thread soon. In the meantime, here’s some resources you could take a look at: 

• When your inner critic is giving you a tough time 
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up page on working with a mental health condition  
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up resources on taking care of your mental health.  

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, please give the helpline a ring on 1300 22 4636 or use the webchat to speak to them.  Thanks again for sharing. Please know our community is always here for you and be kind to yourself while going through this time.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Ranga-1]

Can you take a few minutes of the day to listen to a guided meditation? I find this invaluable. Are you in a position to change jobs at all to something less stressful?

[therising]

Hi Mattle

That definitely sounds like a lot of pressure, coming from all directions. While including the pressure you're putting on yourself, it's completely understandable as to why it would all be feeling so overwhelming. I feel for you so much.

Just throwing out a handful of ideas that come to mind, whether they're relatable or relevant in any way

• Are there any lifestyle choices for the family that could be modified? With me taking time off work for a number of reasons, my husband is definitely feeling the pressure as the family's sole income earner. I've spoken with him about the pressures and have acknowledged that we all can't afford to have the best of both worlds right now. We can't live the way we were when I was working because we can't afford to. For the time being, until I can generate income, we've all had to cut back on a lot in order to take the pressure off my husband. Getting an exact idea of how you can or can't afford to live could involve drawing up a budget. Can be hard to keep in mind that things won't always be this way. Circumstances can eventually change to ease the stress. It just may not feel like it at the time
• If you have access to 4 weeks off a year, do you have the freedom in how you manage those 4 weeks? For example, can you take a week off every 3 months? Is this something that can be negotiated with your employer? If it can be managed, it can give you a regular break to look forward to. It's like splitting the year into 4 terms like with what school students experience or maybe you can split it into 3 (a couple of one week breaks with 2 weeks off at the end of the year)
• Is there a need to become fully conscious of your inner dialogue? I learned the hard way that inner dialogue can have both volume and frequency elements to it. The volume of stressful thoughts and how often they come in can mess with us something shocking. If there's a lot of them coming in often, it can become incredibly physically exhausting, partly because of how it impacts our nervous system and internal chemistry. Also, hyperactive stressful inner dialogue leaves no room for constructive inner dialogue that leads to problem solving, constructive inner guidance and any sense of peace
• Do you receive any government support, to help ease the financial stress? It can be really tough at times falling into the middle income bracket. With the rising cost of living and no support from the government when it comes to unique personal circumstances, a middle income earner can feel really under the pump. Kinda like you're not so poorly off to the point where you receive government benefits but you don't earn enough to make life easier. If you don't receive any government support right now, is there any way of gaining it?
• Are there similar jobs to yours out there that are managed better, by management? Some working environments are managed very poorly, which is something staff can suffer through. For example, while the workload can increase over time, no extra staff are put on to help manage that load. The existing staff become overworked while management focus on keeping the costs down. On the other hand, some places are well staffed. Could it be a matter of looking into doing the same kind of work but in a place that's better staffed?

As I say, just a handful of ideas. Can feel like a bit of a catch 22 at times: When under incredible stress it can be hard to make significant changes that can help ease the stress, such as with finding a different job for example. Of course, sleep plays a massive part in energy restoration. Without good quality sleep, trying to manage life in flat battery mode can make thing 10 times more challenging. As a gal who manages sleep apnea, the difference between good quality sleep and poor sleep can be enormous. On one hand it can feel like 'I have enough energy to take on the world', on the other it can feel like 'This world is crushing me'.