Need advice:(

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎26-05-2014

Hello everyone,

i am new on here and I don't know where to start. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and together for 10. I am a aged care nurse and my husband runs his own business. Last year was a very tough year for us. My husband developed depression. I watched his personality change and have sat back and tried to help him as much as I can (been a nurse it's in my nature I guess).

That was 8 months ago, and nothing has changed. I just want to help him as much as I can, but it feels like he is pushing me away. He hardly talks to me anymore and when he does he doesn't make eye contact with me. His moods are horrible so I don't know where I stand anymore. I just look at him and think what has happened?

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎23-06-2014

Evening all,

I had my first session with a psychologist today. Everything came out and the poor lady couldn't believe it. She said that I have to stop lashing out at him via text, so I haven't text him since this morning. My last text to him said if you want to work out our marriage, you have to sort out your head first, and he didn't reply. I am just going to hold on to the fact, that he will come back to me. He is meant to come over tomorrow to get his car serviced, but I will go out before he comes over. I don't know why he won't get our friend to go to his gfs place.

Why won't he leaves his house keys and take the rest of his stuff?

PMD

Girl_Anachronism · ‎23-06-2014

Hi PMD,

Good on you for getting to the psycholoigist, and opening up. It isn't easy to do either of those things. How did you find it? I know its early days, but do you feel comfortable with the psychologist?

As for the husband, normally I would say he should go to someone elses house. It is difficult with the house being his brothers. Does his brother live there or does he just own it and you lived there with your husband?

Either way, it will be better for you tonot be there when he gets there. That is a good idea on that part. He can't live with this other woman and still get to see you. If it were me, I would put the boxes of his stuff outside, cover them with a tarp and get him to take it home in the fixed car.

I would also normally suggest to change the locks, but again it depends on the living situation with his brother. Regardless it would be best for you to be out of that house, away from his family so he can't just ask his brother how you are doing, or if he gets vindictive, get his brother to kick you out, etc.

I hope your weekend has been good otherwise.

GA

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎24-06-2014

Hello all,

I found my session so good. It was great to open up and get everything off my chest. My husband text me today asking me to leave him alone, because I make him feel so guilty. All I want is the truth and no more lies.,I said fine you won't hear from me for awhile. I'm so angry at him. How dare he, but on the other hand I know he is sick.

As for living with his brother, his brother is so angry and hurt by what he has done. I'm only home Monday and Tuesday nights and the other nights, I'm at work, so I hardly see him.

My husband needs to realise for himself that he has made a huge mistake.

PMD

Girl_Anachronism · ‎26-06-2014

Hi PMD,

Great to hear the sessions are working for you. It is a big relief to tell the entire story.

Also good to hear he wants space. This way you can both get some breathing room. i am glad to hear his brother is on your side somewhat. Is there any chance he might agree to changing the locks so your husband can't just come back when he is sick of the new woman?

GA

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎27-06-2014

Hey GA,

well suprise suprise, they got into a huge flight on Thursday night and while they were fighting, he rang me to go and get him. She just attacked him for no reason. I told him to get his things and drive to my house. He has finally realised that she is a awful person. He said that he has said goodbye to her and wants to be with me. I just hope he isn't lying to me again.

Its going to take me awhile to trust him again, but he needed my help so what could I do. He filed a report to the police, so hopefully that stops her.

Wish me luck!

PMD

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎01-07-2014

Evening all,

well it's Tuesday night and he told me last night that he ended it with her. I asked him today if he would get a blood test, just to check himself out and yes he flipped out. I realise now that he came home because he is scared of her, not because he loves me. I feel so used once again. I'm his door matt!!

i just wish he would get his act together:(

PMD

Girl_Anachronism · ‎01-07-2014

Hi PMD,

I think it is entirely reasonable for you to ask that of him. He clearly isn't dealing with this situation. If he wasn't scared of her there is a good chance he would go back. Given he has done it once, I don't doubt the trust between you is damaged.

I would keep asking him to get checked out. You are only doing the right thing by yourself. Don't allow him to walk over you on this.

Whether you want to remain in this relationship is your choice. I leave that up to you. But I ask you this, where do yousee yourself in a few years? What does your heart say?

GA

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎04-07-2014

Morning GA!,

I have asked him a few times if we could talk about what happened, but it's like he is just shutting it out completely. I need to know where we stand, where our marriage stands, but every time I bring it up, he shuts down. I know that he feels guilty because he cheated on me, but I wish that he would see a counsellor or a professional. I realise that we will never have our old relationship back, but I need to know where we stand.

this is playing with my mind

PMD

Girl_Anachronism · ‎04-07-2014

Hi PMD,

You are right, you do need to know where you stand. It sounds like he may even be shutting it out from himself. If he cannot talk to you about it yet, it sounds like he needs to talk to someone. There are places like Relationships Australia which do couples counselling, specialising in relationships. I think they also do single sessions, so maybe you could go along to them and they could give you some advice on how to get him to open up, or at least get him to go see them.

If they cannot help, BB will be able to refer you to similar services. Have you thoughtbaout giving them a call or using the webchat?

I feel for you, as this is not a good situation to be in. I hope you can keep posting on here, as much as you need.

GA

Purple_Monkey_Dishwasher · ‎08-07-2014

Hello GA,

A lot has happened since I last posted on here. My father in law gave my husband the biggest lecture of all last Friday. Then my father in law drove my husband over to her place and threw her house keys at her and told her to keep away from us. All I can say is that if my husband goes back to her, he has issues. That will be the last straw for me. My husband said to me on Sunday that he wants to try our marriage again, so let's see what happens.

i am just going to focus on myself for awhile and see what happens

PMD