Nanna Passed away Tragically- Struggling with Grief and Fatigue

[EmmaP]

Hi There,

On Saturday I had the police turn up at my work to inform me that my Nan had died.  

This all comes at a time where my psychologist had started lengthening the time between our appointments because she thought I was doing so well and was well on my way to recovery since a

huge depression/anxiety bout last year. My doctor also impressed with my improvement said she would look at reducing my antidepressants with the view of weaning off them all together later on in the year if I kept doing well. I also decided to leave the comfort of my salary job to go to TAFE to study this year which was a huge step for me.

Now, I feel like I'm not doing well with the grief. I can't cry but yet my emotions are on the boiling point. I'm sleeping but it feels like I haven't slept at all. I'm even falling asleep at my desk or even on the floor of the bathroom at work today. I'm constantly exhausted and everything is an effort. Its a huge effort to

get out of bed in the morning and my partner forces me to get up. I don't want to slip back to where I was. I saw my psychologist yesterday to help but we could only cover so much. I see her again next week. She said that these things are normal signs of grief and just to go back to basics to get through this hard time.

Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with grief, how not to slip back into the

dark cloud of anxiety and depression (especially since mine was based on separation and bad things happening to those I love). I just can't get the horrible picture of my Nan dying scared and alone out of my head and its even haunting my dreams 😞

[CrashCoyote]

Hi EmmaP,

I am sorry for your loss. I am sure that your Nan was a lovely lady.

I am a 51yo male, retired policeman (so over the years have had to tell a few people news that you got about Nan) and all my grand parents are long gone now.

I know a little about grief and the worst for me was losing my eight week old daughter sixteen years ago.

Your psychologist is right, grief is a process. If there were short cuts to it, we'd get told about them in therapy. All of us grieve at our own pace through the five stages and perhaps you can find some comfort in your religious beliefs, or views on what happens after we leave this earth, or in reflecting on Nan's life or in the realisation that we are all born and will all die.

Without knowing how your Nan passed, I do not know how traumatic it may have been for her, but she can no longer feel fear or pain.

I also suffer depression and anxiety and I think that part of our recovery is bracing ourselves to manage setbacks such as the loss of a loved one, losing our job or whatever. No matter what state our mental health is in, life does not stand still for us and I guess our therapy is always aimed at teaching us coping mechanisms and strategies.

I hope I have been of some help to you, if there is an afterlife, I suppose Nan is there - free of things such as arthritis or frailty - and watching over you. I like to think my daughter is safe and happy in my maternal grand mothers arms.

Kind regards, John.