My Dad

[KP_2014]

I lost my dad 18 November 2014. I have hurt every day since. 31, daddy's girl, married - facing losing my husband because of my grief. I can't even see that it's that bad, yeah I'm sad and just going say to day, but I can't even see the hurt I'm causing around me, or the spark that has gone from within myself.

i get upset, I get angry, it's unfair, I feel like lying in bed all day, I want to be alone... All of these things I think and feel. I have been told theres a two month waiting list for counselling in my area - great! I feel like I'm about to lose everything.... I supported my husband when he fell apart after dads death (anxiety and depression are his demons). So why am I left with the "to do" list?!

rant over - any and all advice welcome. 

[geoff]

dear KP, I am truly sorry for the passing of your dad, especially if you had a true connection between the both of you, and this seems to be definitely the situation here, so our heartfelt condolences to you.

The true feeling of how you actually are feeling, no one can really see this, but you have been left with a hole in your heart that only you know about, and nothing is able to fill it, but over time it will still be there this hole, but you may have been able to cover it up, but there will be certain times of the year it will open up again, so memories will be a plenty.

Sometimes a spouse or a partner believe that after a certain period everything should go back to being as they were, but in most occasions this isn't the way it goes, because a strong connection and a strong love means so much.

Could you please google this 'bereavement support groups' where are many groups etc as I don't know which state you are in, and you might benefit from one of these, which I really hope that you do.

I really would like to hear back from you as I believe that other responders will also reply to you, but I would like to know how you are going. L Geoff. x

[Blue_Babe]

Dear KP,

The feelings you are experiencing are "Real" and unquestionably valid.  I too, experienced all the same emotions.  I can honestly relate to your situation.  I lost my Dad almost 11 years ago now and life has never been the same for me since!

I too was Daddy's Girl and I worshipped him.  He was everything to me!  When my Dad passed away I felt that a part of me went with him!  I am definitely not the same person.  We had a close bond.  It's almost 11 years and I still miss him everyday!  I lost my best friend.  He was always there for me no matter what! 

So I understand how you are feeling.  It took me 3 years before I finally accepted the fact that he was gone.  It takes a while, but it will get easier..I promise you!

My sincere condolences.

Much Love,

Blue Babe.

[Cymru]

KP, my middle son, who was 22, died suddenly in January. I have no advice. I agree with you ... it sucks. If the relationship less mattered I guess it would not hurt so much.

”What happens when people open their hearts?”…
 “They get better.”
 Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood 

[geoff]

dear Cymru, I'm sorry that we may not have responded to each other, but this post of yours is truly a very sad one, and I can only offer my greatest condolences to you and your family. Geoff.

[pipsy]

Dear KP.  My name is Pipsy.  Truly sorry to hear of your dad's passing.  No matter what anyone says about the passing of time healing you, the pain you're dealing with is here and now.  How old was your dad?  If you want to share, please do.  Sometimes sharing with someone else who has been through it, helps.  My dad died 39 years ago, but the pain still surfaces.  Little things, songs he enjoyed, a photo of him in happier times, makes it harder.  The anger you're experiencing is normal (believe it or not).  How dare he die, you weren't ready to lose him.  My dad was 55, he was an alcoholic, that doesn't help, it just makes it slightly easier to understand.  I had nightmares for a full year after losing my dad.  You are not alone, you're never alone.  Maybe through your G.P, grief counciling.  If that's not possible yet, keep in touch here.

Hope I've been of some comfort.

Love Pip.

[Neil_1]

Dear KP

I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad.   I lost my Dad in 2007 and just like Blue Babe, Dad and I had the most awesome mateship and I miss him everyday still;  it’s very tough.   And then in a similar time frame to your Dad, I lost my Mum on 14th October 2014.

Death happens, every day and every day people are losing dearly loved ones – but when it happens to you, it’s the biggest kick in the guts that you can possibly ever receive.  It knocks you rotten and it just depends on the person for how they respond and move forward.   Some people are able to do it reasonably soon after, others take a bit longer, while others are affected extremely badly (I’d say that a few of us who have posted here fall into that category).

It’s just those stages of grief that we have to work through – mostly without even realising.

I think I’ve just posted to you and ‘chatted’ – no real advice, but if you feel like coming back to vent or unload again, PLEASE do so.

Kind regards

Neil

[Blue_Babe]

Dear Cymru,

My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your Son.

Much Love

Blue Babe.

[July]

Hi KP,

 I am so sorry for the loss your dad, yes we only have one dad and it is a sad day, my husband and I lost our dads within 9 weeks of each other  a few years back, my father  in law, diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 3 weeks age 65, my dad was 81 with a complicated medical history , the age doesn't matter though, it is a heartbreaking journey and we all understand where you are coming from.

Grief does not have time limit, and we all need to go through it in our own unique way, some days the pain is all you can think of,  the loss, the sadness, the thought that you won't see that person again, what you did together, the childhood memories.

My dad was a very quiet man, he did not actually tell me he loved me throughout my life, but deep down I knew he did, he was in hospital for a week and I watched him deteriorate, the day before he died I came to visit he was very sick, the nurse said "your daughter is here", he slowly turned to look at me and said quietly "I love you",my heart jumped for I knew this was a monumental moment, and I waited all my life to hear my father say those words, tears flowed and I told him I loved him to, but a sadness over shadowed that as      

[July]

Hi KP,

Sorry to finish, I meant to say cherish the time you had together , life is short and be thankful you had a wonderful dad, its a special relationship and I am grateful I was able to have that time with him, don't just dwell on the sadness of his passing but enjoy the happiness you shared.

You need to allow yourself to adjust and your spark will come back one day, but you do it in your "own" time, no one else's.

You will always be "daddy's girl ", you haven't lost that have you ? so I hope you find that soft place to fall,,  while you are waiting for the pain to diminish , I'm sure your dad would want to to go on and have a happy life so be "happy" for him.

Take care 

July