My 18 year old cat died yesterday

[Maggie56]

Maggie was my life, my world.  It was just her and me.  I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else.  I just arranged her cremation.  I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends.  I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed by grief and guilt, it feels like my heart is breaking.  I don't know how to go on without her.

[Maggie56]

Dear ABC01

Thank you for your kind words.  I'm so sorry that you're also suffering from the loss of Major.  I certainly understand how you feel.  I hope that you too are looking after yourself and can remember the good times and the love that you and he shared.  Thanks again for caring.

[ABC01]

Dear Maggie56,

I am not sure if you still use BB, but I wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

Only answer if you want to.

ABC01

[Maggie56]

Dear ABC01

Thank you for thinking of me.  I still think about Maggie every day and still sometimes cry for her, but I'm much better than I was.  I've adopted a two year old kitty named Billie and she is helping a little.  She's nothing like Maggie, which is good.  

How are you doing?  Are you feeling a bit better?

[Maggie56]

Dear ABC01

Thank you for thinking of me.  I still think about Maggie every day and still sometimes cry for her, but I'm much better than I was.  I've adopted a two year old kitty named Billie and she is helping a little.  She's nothing like Maggie, which is good.  

How are you doing?  Are you feeling better?

[ABC01]

Dear Maggie56,

I am so happy to hear that you are doing better. And even happier to hear you have adopted a new furry family member and a two year old at that. Older cats are often over looked for 12 week old kittens or had a start where the person who had no clue about cats and then they end up in the shelters,their kittenhood gone.

You basically have a teenager right now. And that can be so fun! Plus you have the experience to be the best mother. 

Some people believe your passed fur baby picks the new one for you. So perhaps Maggie had a hand in leading you to Billie.

Please know it is still okay to be upset and cry or express your grief about Maggie. Billie isn't her. Billie may remind you of Maggie at times and that can trigger emotions. Plus Maggie is a essential part of your life journey. It would be very weird if you still don't think about her and love and miss her.

Remember just as with Maggie, Billie is precious. Be in the moment with them and love them every second that you can. And I wish for Billie to live a full life to 18 too.

Thank you for asking. I am not doing so well. My trauma is bad. I am getting help for it, but anger, guilt and sadness are a regular thing for me. I looked at adoption sites a few weeks ago and got a definite answer that I am not ready for a new family member, anytime soon. My acceptance of his death is improving, but the way he passed is a still a major struggle. But I am trying every single day, and that is what matters. I am a dog mum,so maybe for now that is where I will concentrate. She is almost 14 years old and that is an old lady in dog years.

I am glad to have heard from you. And truly happy to know another cat isn't out there in the world being unloved. They now have a home.

Have a great time with Billie, learning all they are and the love and laughter they will bring you. And with Halloween and Christmas coming up, all the new toys you will buy.

All the best,

ABC01

[Maggie56]

Thank you for your kind words.  Billie (a girl) actually arrived at the RSPCA shelter the day that Maggie passed, so I've felt from the very start that there is a connection.  I had actually chosen three older kitties to meet from their website but Billie, the youngest, was the only one left when I arrived there.  So all in all, I think it was meant to be.

I'm sorry that you're not doing so well. I'm glad  though that you have your doggie girl to provide some comfort.  Please reach out again if you feel like it.  I can't help you, but I can certainly listen.  And I understand. ♥️

[ABC01]

Dear Maggie56,

Please only reply if you feel comfortable.

There is alot of talk in my household that adopting another cat now might help me with my mental health and grief over losing my cat. Having been nearing 6 and a half months. They keep saying I am lonely and drifting with no purpose or direction.

Are you able to explain to me how you came to the decision to adopt Billie? Even if you still grieve Maggie. And do you feel as if it has helped you? And how it has helped you?
I know this is personal,so you don’t have to reply if it will make you upset. Or your answers are too personal. You are just the only person I can ask outside,that has had a similar experience this year.

Thank you and I hope you and Billie are doing well.

ABC01

[Maggie56]

Hello ABC01

I'm sorry that you are still suffering.  I think of Maggie every day and sometimes still cry for her, but Billie is definitely helping.  I was totally alone when Maggie died and in a very dark place.  I just decided that I needed another living breathing being in the house who needs me and lessens the focus on my grief/guilt.  Billie has given me a purpose and a reason to get up in the morning.  I'm no longer in a dark place.  She brings me a lot of joy and I know that I've saved an animal who had an uncertain future.  I've never regretted adopting her.  She's very different to Maggie, which I think is a good thing.

The "right time" is different for everyone, and only you can know when it's that time.  There are so many cats in shelters that need a loving home, particularly older ones.  It's said that we "save" the animal but I think they save us as well. 

I hope this helps with your decision.  You will always love Major but our hearts are capable of loving more than one pet.  Wishing you all the very best with whatever you decide.  Please let me know what happens.

[ABC01]

Dear Maggie56,

Thank you so much for your reply and I am so happy for you and Billie.

I am glad it has brought back the light and life you were missing. I love that it has given you purpose. That word is so important and what I am trying to find.

 I already have dogs that lived with Major and were his family too,so I am not completely alone. It is just the cat-erisms that I miss and that I might just be a cat person,slightly over a dog person. My bed is very lonely all the time.

 I have yet to vacuum one side of my room that was blocked off by the dogs,that was to protect his dry food from greedy noses. The food is no longer there,I just don’t have the heart to let new fur touch his fur that is left in the carpet. I also won’t open the window for fresh air,as I am afraid it will take him out of my room. Even though I know he is gone. Maybe they are signs to listen too at the moment.

But your experience gives me hope. Like you said,alot of them need homes and older ones are often overlooked for younger ones. Perhaps my passion for animals in my values,ethics and beliefs will fire up again.

I will definitely let you know,if I get “saved” by a special one in the future.

Thank you so much again for replying.

ABC01