Mothers Day

[s82]

This year will be the first Mothers Day since my beloved mother passed away. Being an only child, it has been very difficult.

I am intending to have a quiet day at home with my Dad and enjoy some downtime. Spending time on hobbies and watching West Coast hopefully beat Collingwood and enjoy a meal of Fish and Chips, a meal we had with Mum last year when she developed a craving for grilled flake, chips and potato cakes, we also had Fish and Chips a week before she died as she had a similar craving (On my parent's wedding anniversary no less).

Two weeks ago my Dad and I had a joint birthday celebration and it was very heavy and wearing, I also admit I was a bit of a grouch to some people. But we got through the day.

I am not a social person at the best of times. prefer my own company much of the time, but enjoy spending short periods of time with close family friends who I grew up with who have supported us during this time.

My work and hobbies have helped distract me from the pain, but it never really completely goes away. I don't lock myself at home all the time on weekends and days off, I like to do a bit of grocery shopping for essentials(that Dad forgets during the week)  and have a coffee at the one of cafe's in or around the shopping centre, some of the cafe staff now know me on a first name basis as I go to about two or three differents cafes in rotation.

I have always had a different relationship with my Dad, compared to Mum, but we have gotten closer in recent times, but we enjoy doing different things.

Dad and I co habitate in the family home, with no plans to sell up anytime soon.

[Croix]

Dear S82~

I feel for you, being an only child and your Mum passing away so recently. Not having brothers or sisters to share your feelings with does make it harder, and anniversaries like hte first Mother's Day tend to bring out all the memories maybe a bit more than normal.

As you no doubt know htere is no timeline on grief and under a year is recent anyway. Having your dad and growing closer to him must be a comfort. Have you been able to talk to him about how he feels about his loss?

From the way you talk I get the impression you are both trying to look after each other.

Do oyu mind if I ask what went wrong with the birthday?

I have found that grief remains, but while at first it takes over your whole life as time goes on it is still there, but covered by the new events you live though afterwards. This changes things to the extent you can look back on the past and actually be able to enjoy some of the memories or photos.

I have a picture of my late wife teasing kids and trying to keep a straight face. At first I could not look at it without being overwhelmed with loss. Now I can smile at the fun we had and the effort she put into being serious. The grief is still there, but other things have crept in too

Please enjoy your fish and chips and game, and I hope your dad does too

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear s82,

I’m sorry about you loosing your beautiful mother, my heart goes out to you….I think it’s lovely that you and your dad are going to enjoy your mums choice of meal from last Mother’s Day…keeping her loving memory alive and maybe even make a tradition of fish and chips each Mothers Day…Mothers are so precious as are the wonderful memories you hold deep within your heart…

It’s nice that your dad and yourself are getting closer and are their for each other, it’s okay s82, that you both enjoy different things, being there for each other and enjoying small moments with him is wonderful..like watching the footy match together…I do hope your team wins…

We are all here for you when we can be….if you feel to talk some more Dear s82,.

Sending you my kindest thoughts  and a very gentle hug..

Grandy..

[s82]

Hi Croix,

Nothing terrible happened on the day of the birthday party, we did have a plumbing issue, but it was addressed, but it was tough going for a while as we sorted it out and cleaned up.

I was just very edgy, as it was the first birthday without Mum and I got a bit grumpy, Dad and I had a lot to do at one time and it was exhausting. It was a lot of work preparing and hosting the day, and dealing with a large and mixed group.

We resolved next time we are going to the pub and let someone else do the work.

[s82]

Thanks Grandy

Last year's fish and chip meal was a last minute thing, a new owner at the fish and chip shop and Mum's sudden craving for potato cakes prompted the move. 

Neither Dad or I follow West Coast or Collingwood, just want to see Collingwood lose. Dad might duck out to do some hobby work, but I will keep tabs on the game. Might be a radio job as Channel 7 don't seem to televise Sunday afternoon matches lately.

Our neighbours might visit for a short while or vice versa, which I am happy for, as they have been extremely supportive during this time, we have known them for 40 years and i grew up with and still good friends with thier children, as well as two other sets of former neighbours who came and went, but still see them to this day and have also been very supportive.

[s82]

Just doing a follow up. 

Mothers Day went by without a hitch, Dad spent some time with his hobbies, I watched the football (sadly Collingwood won- no offence intended) and the Fish and Chips went down well. 

I must admit I felt rather down in the lead up, just seeing all the Mothers Day displays in the shops in passing made me feel very sad.

We have now reached a plateau- all the birthdays are over for the year, just have to deal with what would of been my parent's wedding anniversary in August, and just a week later, the first anniversary of Mum's death. 

Dad has seemed a bit down the past couple of weeks- I think things are starting to catch up with him a bit, just seems flat and exhausted- I have been supporting him the best I can, we keep in regular contact with our support networks and he has had lunch with our old family friends and neighbours, he thinks the cold Melbourne weather might be catching up to him. 

He is heading off for a overseas trip in a couple of months, which will be good for him. I will be keeping things going at home. I will not be lonely as I have already been booked to have dinner with neighbours and close friends during that time. 

I myself just keep on in my own stable way, keeping up with work commitments and spending time with my very close friends. I must admit I do not have a big group of friends and not great at socialising, prefer keeping weekends to just being at home pottering around. Being an only child, I thrive on minimal company, I know people are only a phone call or text message away.

[Croix]

Dear S82~

I was very glad for you the day went well, I rather suspect it is the first set of special days, like Mothers' Day, that are the hardest as you look towards them not knowing what to expect.

I'm not surprised oyur dad would have ups and downs, quite apart from Melbourne weather, I certainly did after my partner passed away. I think he is lucky to have a caring and pratical offspring such as yourself. Will he be with other people while he is away?

I can understand what you are talkng about as an only child. Friends and visitors may be welcome, however solitude is a blessing too. I guess in my case others are always an effort, even if I like them and can look forward to their appearance. Then being alone allows me to relax.

You sound as if you have found the right balance

Croix

[s82]

Yes, Dad is going overseas with a group of retired former colleagues. We are planning a trip together within Victoria over the summer break. I prefer being in familiar surroundings. 

[Croix]

Dear S82~

Those sound pretty good plans, I'd be surprised if your dad did not gain a lot from being with his former colleagues. If they had a good relationship in pat past it may come back just about straight away. I hpe you do not miss him too much in his absence.

The trip around Victoria sounds good to, and if you are not that comfortable in strange surroundings seems a god compromise.

You know you can drop in here anytime

Croix