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Loss of a partner through Suicide

Craig Pickersgill
Community Member

11 days ago, I lost my same sex partner through suicide. We didn’t live together and we had only been close for about 5 months, but those 5 months were awesome. (We had been friends for about 2 years) We had so many plans for the future; and even talking about them on the weekend before when I was visiting him… less than 12 hours later he was gone… no note, no nothing. We are sure we know what/who tipped him over the edge but it cant be proven. His family have been amazing even though I had never met them, his younger brother said to me “you’re family”. It’s been overwhelming


The funeral is this week, but I’m afraid of what lay on the other side… Im positive I will stay in touch with the family but I feel so empty and i am sure I missed something… He had mental health issues, but it was only voices in his head… he was mostly on the level. 


I am just so lost even with all the love, friendship and support around me… 

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Craig welcome


Sorry to meet under these conditions. My brother went the sae way in 1979, my uncle 2002 and last week my wife's nephew at only 25yo with a baby on the way. Funeral this Thursday. Very sad.


An old saying "time heals" but it does and that time frame is uniquely yours so take it and remember the good times. If you try to work out the reasons it will be counter productive and cause harm to self. Also anyone viewed as a suspect in his demise, I dont think that will help, the person likely had no intention of that result. 


Your love and care must have been amazing. Now, it might be a good idea to dedicate your life to his honour, as if he is over looking you with the wish that he'd want you to keep going and that we will never know how he felt the way he did.




His hand would slip inside yours and sparks flew

it must have seemed there was only him and you 

But sometimes deep inner thoughts can remain aloof

We never seek why and never ask for proof


And the bees will still buzz and the ants will march

The rain will still fall and deserts parched

To plant a rose in his honour and to care for every day

Will blow away the clouds that are always in the way


Most parts of his mind was a future together more

Never to part like the sea does meet the shore

To slip your hand and his will still be there for you

Not a dream as one but a life of love for two


Fear not, as you walk along that shore

You think you are all alone but you have memories forever more

Always imagine his hand ready to make one into a loving two

It's a gift, a love, that he'll still slip his hand there too...