Hi all, I haven’t posted here before. I recently lost one of my closest friends to suicide over the Labour Day weekend. Since then I’ve been taking time on and off work due to extreme anxiety from the event. Which I feel so guilty for. I’ve been in contact with my HR and theyve been great about it but recently my grief and anxiety has been overwhelming to the point where I feel I need some more time off. How did others get through this? I don’t want my work to think I’m not a good worker and I’m scared I’ll lose my job even though they’ve been so fantastic. I just feel like im all over the place. I come back to work and say “oh im fine now” then the next day have a mental breakdown and will have to take the day off. It’s so inconsistent and I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve got an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to discuss what the best option is but it’s been a month now since it all happened and I still feel the same 😞
Hello anxiatee, it's never a pleasant thought from losing your best friend and know what you are struggling with.
The doctor may suggest you have time off which you deserve and no one can be dismissed because of this, but you need to talk with a qualified grief counsellor because staying home won't let you achieve anything, you need to let your emotions show, as it takes time to feel comfortable once again.
Please remember healing through grief isn't something that is linear, one day you can be okay and not the next however this doesn't mean you aren't processing it. It is important to not be hard on yourself at this time. It's important to feel these feelings to be able to process them and time is often a healer itself. I second what Geoff has suggested, it could be important to talk with a grief counsellor or psychologist, they might be able to help support you through the stages of grief and provide some tips on how to help you manage your anxiety at this time.
Hi anxiatee, I hope this message finds you ok at this present time. This is my first time being on here. After reading your story I had to reply. I too lost my brother to suicide on the same weekend. And I too have been trying to go back to work but I don’t want to go either. I have very mixed bags of emotions, one minute I think I’m ok and next I’m just a mess. Sorry I do not have any answers to help you at this present time but if you would like to chat more maybe we can help each other through this ♥️
Dealing with suicide is two-pronged. First there is the loss, the grief. But secondly, and often neglected, is the question of why? Why did it have to come to this? Did I listen enough? Were there warnings I missed? All the feelings of guilt. Did I do enough? These are all questions that unfortunately due to the nature of mental illness, we will often never know. It is a lot to process. It leaves behind many unanswered questions. Years after one of my mates took his own life, I still got upset by it. Just be reassured that it's not your fault for what happened and for feeling anxious. It's normal.
