Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Abd Unable to truly move on
  • replies: 2

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she ... View more

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she didn’t tell me she loved me. I fought hard for justice for my child and was left to handle everything as my husband struggled to cope. As I fought for my child I also found out that my husband of 30 years was having an affair with a woman known to me. I overheard his drunken conversation to her as he was describing me as disgusting to look at and how wonderful she was. The next day I phoned him and he was with her on our new boat named after our daughter (they both laughed because she went on the boat before me). I spent over 8 hours that day begging him to come home. He agreed to counselling and trying to put our marriage back together. Nothing has changed, with him doing whatever he wants, relying heavily on alcohol and telling me to get over it. This is a man I loved. This is all too much and I struggle more and more to find reasons to go on. The woman I see in the mirror is disgusting. I went back to work, am studying and trying to like myself but I don’t know how much I can take. He refuses to sell the boat and when I go to my car it is the first thing I see. My other two children don’t want to talk about their sister and I continue to pretend I’m happy when I’m dying inside. My husband just things I’m a fool.

Rails Loss
  • replies: 3

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting... View more

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting between them, I cut all ties with both of them for 12 months and didn't allow my children contact with either of them. At the time I said some pretty nasty things to both and felt a massive sense of relief. 1 year on I was able to repair the relationship with my parent but remainded estranged from my sister and then nephew who was 7 years old at the time. I loved my nephew, however I didn't want to engage with my sister which mnt I couldn't engage with him. Over the 7 years of separation I have attempted to repair te relationship with my sister on 5-6 occasions but phone or text and she has choosen to not respond. I've respect this and not pushed after the initial text or call. 1 week ago my nephew was successful in ending his life. I have felt nothing but sadness and loss at this and reached out to both his parents, to express my sorrow for them and also myself. Today my sister made contact with me and and said that I would be happy that my nephew had passed away and that how dare I make this about myself and text her 3 times. I feel guilty that I've made her grief worse and I've clearly misread the situation. I feel helpless and so bad.

CarlsC I am so lost at present...does time really help?
  • replies: 3

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I ... View more

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I am failing my family (husband & 3 young children) I am not sleeping well at all, my mind is constantly ticking and thinking of so many things, it just won't switch off. My husband has been more than incredible, but I feel so guilty that I am not helping him in the capacity that I usually do. I have this overwhelming sense that I have to be strong for my kids and that I must get on with life as the way it was vs then not having the time to adequately grieve the loss of my mother, who I loved so much. I am just so lost. I feel that I am overwhelmed with not being able to control my emotions the way in which I usually can. I am unsure as to what to do next? Should I seek medical advice re: not sleeping? Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

kannie Confused about my loss
  • replies: 1

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there wer... View more

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there were tears and lots of hugs and lots of love expressed. But now I cannot feel any emotions when I think of her loss. It is as if I am numb. I don't understand this as I had a loving (but sometimes complex) relationship with her. And when I lost my dad I had a completely different experience of grief which felt more immediate. Two things have happened recently....I seem to be getting snappy with people whom I am close to. It is as if little things are triggering my temper and I am short and cranky. I can only assume this is related to my grief. I have not experienced this before. Has anyone else experienced something similar? The other thing is that my grief associated with another loss in my life (an estrangement from a close family member) seems to be dominating my thoughts and feelings. I feel this grief often, but since my mum died it seems as if it is so much more intense. It is as if I cannot grieve my mum as my loss of another is so dominant. Does this make sense? Is this possible that my grief for my loss of my mum is being overshadowed by grief of another? I really don't know how to understand all this and I certainly don't know how to feel about it all. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

Nomes6 Releasing my brothers ashes today ..
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in rea... View more

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in real life.. it’s so soon to return there and now to release him.. he didn’t get over my mums death.. today it will just be myself and my dads girlfriend which is sad and not what I wanted.. esp the gf part.. dad moved on when mum was dying.. I had to battle to stop her coming to my mums ashes release.. but I have no fight left and if it makes him happy then I have to stop trying to be my mums advocate just like today I have to just be and not be my brothers.. except for making sure he got laid to rest with mum.. he chose not to be here anymore and died on the anniversary of her death.. it will be a hard day but hopefully I can find some will to live again after this instead of going through the motions.. just a shame it had to be at Xmas time.. anyways thanks for giving me a place to share.. my life was so different before all this loss... thanks guys Nomes

grt123 Dying Ex Husband
  • replies: 2

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and oth... View more

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and others for all his troubles and doggedly pursued a destructive lifestyle. In the last year we were together I couldn't shake the feeling that someone, somehow was going to die. I thought it would be me or the kids - his behaviour was just so appalling and reckless - but as it turns out he simply killed himself; a few months ago he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease. He won't have more than a few months. Here's the rub: Obviously he's sober now, and that makes a difference, but he's also coming back back to the man I used to love. Kind, funny, sweet and caring. It's like a weight has lifted off him and he's dropped his anger and hate and is just living for the moment. I drove him back from a medical appointment recently and we laughed, told stories and talked about the kids. Compare that to a few months ago when I refused to take him anywhere in the car out of fear he'd run us into a tree or under a truck - he was that bad. I don't love him anymore but God I feel sorry for him. If only he could have learned this lesson earlier, opened his heart and mind to recovery, he could have spared us all so much heartache. Right now he could have had family and friends around him to hold his hand and tell him they love him but he's lost it all. It's just so sad.

fred2018 Double combo of Depressive Episode and Greif
  • replies: 7

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Biddy3 2 years on and still a mess
  • replies: 2

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not... View more

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not a week goes by I don’t breakdown crying. I have 2 young girls the youngest was 3 months old when she passed. I’ve really struggled with my kids since she’s gone my mother gave us so much help and now that’s it’s gone I don’t know what to do she was our only help we don’t have much other support. I want to be a good mother but find it hard when I feel depressed alot. since she has been gone we have had family rifts I don’t speak to my brothers anymore and I have now lost some close friends. I feel at times I have no one left me and my husband barely talk anymore he was helpful in the beginning but now I feel my cry’s for help just go unnoticed. Feels like everyone thinks I should be over it by now but life is just getting worse not better. I know I need to seek some help but find it hard to ask I’ve always just managed on my own.

Lelowe Lonely
  • replies: 4

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

fred2018 Tough day
  • replies: 1

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the g... View more

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the grief is still pretty raw. She was with me through past episodes of depression and just life in general and now that shes not is bloody hard. My psychologist doesn't think we should talk about my mum's death just yet until I try sort out my own stuff, I agree but maybe its time in the next few weeks.