Grief and loss

Feeling shattered after a suicide of a loved family member

replies: 2

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each... View more

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each other. I sit at home every night and cry and drink. Has anyone else suffered a lose like this and how did your family cope and help each other. I am feeling so miserable and helpless - it's been three months and nothing is getting better. I never thought my family would behave like this during such a sad time.

Losing a father

replies: 3

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was... View more

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was yesturday, getting the call saying he had an accident thinking yep that my dare evil dad just being himself, waiting for the call to hear where the helicopter was taking him, laughing with my sister about how dad won't even wait to the cast is off before getting back on a bike. Almost an hour went by of me freaking out waiting to hear, then my partners phone rang it was one of the guys at the track with dad, he face said it all, I know my dad didn't make it. My dad had a brain aneurysm pop and died within mins. It was the biggest shock of my life, I regret not going to the track and seeing what was taking soo long, for so long I thought dad would come around the corner and say hehe just kidding like one of this horrible jokes that have gone to far. 2 weeks after my dad passed away my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he told how the last time he talked to dad he asked for my hand in marriage. I'm really struggling trying to understand why?? Why did he have to go soo young?(aged 50) He will never meet my kids or be at my wedding. I love my H2B but every time i get upset he tells me that he understand that he knows how it feels. Some time I want to yell at him and ask him how he knows what it feels like when you still have your dad. My depression is worse then ever and it's really effect my relationship.

My mum is gone

replies: 3

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reas... View more

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reason I keep thinking that she is going to come back and everything will go back to normal but it won’t. It hurts my heart physically hurts and I don’t know what to do to stop it, all I want is to just see her face and hear her voice and just hug her so tight. Just mum and I lived in a small house together, mum had been sick for few weeks prior but doctors just kept sending her home with different pills to take so she went to the hospital one night from still feeling unwell, I was happy because I thought that she would get the medical advice and treatment she needed and be home in a few days, that night I got a phone call asking if it was me and was told to come up to the hospital so I did. I got there and all the doctors kept saying to me was “Hannah your mum is really sick and it looks like she might die” as I waited for the rest of my family to travel down to the hospital I sat by her bed side in the ICU unit and watched my mum die then had to tell the rest of my family when they got there. I keep reliving this day over and over in my head and I have dreams at night about it, it makes me feel sick and makes me feel so sad I just couldn’t do anything to help her. I don’t want to live my life with out my mum, I feel that I will never be properly happy again. I want her here with me it’s just so totally unfair. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this kind of pain. The last thing I thought that would happen this year was I wouldn’t be finishing it with my mumma, this year by far has been the worst year of my life and I cannot wait until it is over.

Does the grief and guilt ever go away?

replies: 3

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages ... View more

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages from my 'sister' days earlier telling me that his health was rapidly declining and that I should come visit him as they didn't know how long he had left. I was so busy with work shifts all over the place that it took a bit before I could organise a time, and I finally planned a day I would go and visit. A couple of nights before the day I had planned to visit, I get a phone call from my niece saying I should come urgently as he was getting even worse. I was prepared to head over there and then, but because it was late at night, we both agreed I would come early the next day. The next day, as I'm getting ready to head out there I get a phone call from my niece again... in tears telling me he was gone. I'd never experienced the death of someone so close, so I didn't know how to react and my instinct was to be the strong one, and I held it together, suppressing my emotions through everything so that everyone else had someone to lean on. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I had a holiday I had booked for months to go to Japan. But I don't look at that holiday as a good holiday. As the day after I returned home, my grandfather passed away. A little over a month after my 'Dad' had passed away. I had so much suppressed emotion from his passing that when I found out about my Poppy I broke. I was an emotional shell for months afterward, and I could not sleep. I didn't catch up with my Poppy (grandfather) right before we left for Japan, even though he wanted to catch up for dinner the night before we went away. He rang me, but I was so busy packing and when I checked the message I had already eaten dinner. So I didn't ring him back even though I had spare time for going out with him, and told myself I would contact him when I get back. I never could. I still have the messages on my phone, saved, so that I could hear his voice. It's now been a little over a year since they both passed away and I still have dreams and nightmares. I still have so much grief and guilt about losing them both, I feel so guilty about all the times I didn't catch up with them and how distant I was. I don't know what I can do, but I've been so lost since. I have never experienced this, I don't know what I can do.

Loss of father from Cancer

replies: 2

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously sc... View more

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously scared to go to a doctor till it was way to late and they gave dad 6-18 months to live if the chemo works dad lasted 4 months and they were the most horrific months of all our lives to watch someone I idolised love cherish and was my all round everything fall and deteriorate to nothing was so terribly painful I haven’t grieved as you should I just keep putting it past can’t visit his grave which I haven’t for 2years now can’t talk about him can’t listen to his songs without falling apart and it’s not causing issues that I need to deal with his loss any help I would really appreciate especially the talking and listening to songs part I’ve know how to be able to get pass this issue I have it’s going to be hard enough on my wedding day that I have coming up and need to be able to handle it in some way it’s going to be very hard cause the part he dosent even know I got engaged to the love of my life we had a baby now the wedding I’ve never asked for help but iam now thankyou for reading

Help preparing for loss

replies: 2

My grandfather who I am very close to has had an unfortunate decline in his health and we have been told to start making preparations. I previously have lost my father and my grandmother and was not able to handle grief very well at all. Can anyone r... View more

My grandfather who I am very close to has had an unfortunate decline in his health and we have been told to start making preparations. I previously have lost my father and my grandmother and was not able to handle grief very well at all. Can anyone recommend any books, resources etc to help prepare for grief and cope with loss? Thank you in advance

Feeling tired, lost and vague

replies: 1

It's 2.15am I sit here looking out the window once where my husband sat doing the same thing in March before he went into hospital for minor medical condition and did not come home. Today at 10.00am I spread his ashes across my home and say my final ... View more

It's 2.15am I sit here looking out the window once where my husband sat doing the same thing in March before he went into hospital for minor medical condition and did not come home. Today at 10.00am I spread his ashes across my home and say my final goodbye and to gives us both peace and harmony. I have not said my final goodbye to loved one in this manner before in my life so do not know what to expect when I open the urn to set him free! I feel so numb with nothingness and feel my anxiety is bad as I have been extremely itchy on my palms of hand and scratch and scratched so much that I have scratched marks in my hands but with that at least I feel the pain. I chose today as it is hubby's 60th birthday and have bought a bunch of rainbow roses that have scent in his memory of his great life! Yesterday I was supposed to work a shift but clean forgot that I was rostered on. I have never missed a day's work even due to depression or anxiety but I sit here with a smile on my face and think of his life and love. RIP Bazza.

Losing my 7 yo Daughter in a Preventable Accident

replies: 5

Hi, My beautiful little girl was killed when a 100kg truck wheel fell on her almost 10 weeks ago. I rushed my daughter to the local Hospital in a minute or so, but the blunt force trauma was too great for her to survive & approx 30 minutes later the ... View more

Hi, My beautiful little girl was killed when a 100kg truck wheel fell on her almost 10 weeks ago. I rushed my daughter to the local Hospital in a minute or so, but the blunt force trauma was too great for her to survive & approx 30 minutes later the ED team had to call it off as she was gone forever. It has been almost impossible for me to work & think clearly but I need to try & continue my work so that I survive financially. Only time will tell if I can stay afloat. The negligent tenant who stacked the truck wheels against the outside shed wall appears to not care, feel any shame or embarrassment for his actions & has continued to attend & work on his junk in the next door storage shed whilst I'm trying to work. He has walked past me several times & acted as though I'm not even there. He has shown no remorse, given no apology for his actions & didn't even clean up the junk that he left lying around outside the storage shed until I put in a official complaint about his junkyard. Everyday has been a roller coaster of emotions, my disbelief that my little girl is gone forever, my disbelief that someone could be so stupid to lean truck wheels against a shed wall unrestrained in a Public access walkway to the Toilets, Anger that this has happened to an innocent little girl that should have been safe & had walked to the Toilets many times without incident. I just don't understand how this has happened & that nothing seems to be happening to punish the negligent party. My 7yo girls life was cut short by the stupidity of a Truck Driver who had no excuse for his actions, He had plenty of time & plenty of available space to store the wheels safely but chose not to. I don't see that Justice will ever be served for his actions & it only hurts more when I'm told that my little princesses life is worthless under Australian law. Time does not heal all wounds & whomever came Up with that lie has never lost someone that they truly, deeply love & care about. This tragedy has only continued to grow in its abilty to break our family more as time goes on. The problems that it causes multiply everyday & I know I will never get over this loss.

Feeling so utterly alone and misunderstood

replies: 2

My 14 year old son took his life 2 years ago but I don’t believe it was suicide. I won’t go into detail but we found evidence he had been self-harming for sometime. The police didn’t look into this further and it was put down to suicide. So for almos... View more

My 14 year old son took his life 2 years ago but I don’t believe it was suicide. I won’t go into detail but we found evidence he had been self-harming for sometime. The police didn’t look into this further and it was put down to suicide. So for almost two years this is what I’ve had to try to accept even though there were no signs of depression and he was otherwise completely healthy, happy, confident and capable young man. But I just don’t accept it now. I have no way of proving it. And I don’t even know where to start to get any support. My partner is not convinced, but he is still in denial about everything and we can’t talk about it. The rest of the family, except my dad, all carry on as if it didn’t happen and it’s almost like my son never existed! I’m desperately miserable. I try to carry on but some days I just don’t see the point. Today is one of those days so I thought I better come here. Thanks for listening.

My mother and sister have both died - am I alone?

replies: 3

My mother died when I was 11 (many, many years ago) and my sister died 4 years ago. Both had long illnesses and suffered drawn-out deaths. For me, watching both of them die was very traumatic and for years I've had to deal with anxiety, depression an... View more

My mother died when I was 11 (many, many years ago) and my sister died 4 years ago. Both had long illnesses and suffered drawn-out deaths. For me, watching both of them die was very traumatic and for years I've had to deal with anxiety, depression and PTSD. Quite often though I feel like no one understands (except my therapist), so I guess I'm just reaching out to see if I really am alone in this or if there is anyone else who knows what a double loss feels like?

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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