Why would anyone want to talk to me if I'm being such a downer?

Tarzi · ‎28-05-2015

I have been struggling with depression for about 18months now and it has gotten progressively worse.

about two years ago I moved away with my partner for work. It takes three flights just to get back to where our family and friends are from so as you can imagine we don't get home much. I had a baby about 10 months ago and with no family support it has been difficult.

I told my GP how I have been feeling and about three months ago he put me on anti depressants. I haven't told any of my family or friends because I am embarrassed. I feel like I'm weak and why would anyone want to talk to me if I'm being such a downer so I always put on a happy fake phone self. Now it's to the point I am avoiding their calls. I don't want to call anyone. I don't do anything or go anywhere, I'm at home all day with a baby and it's an effort to get out of bed (I always attend to all his needs no matter how bad of a day I am having) but I find it hard to even want to do my hair or makeup, clean the house etc. but I also feel like by moving home I am ruining our future because we are here working away for a reason.

all as my partner ever says is it's my fault for not helping myself and I understand if I did things like mothers group and took the baby to the park etc. I would probably feel better but it just feels like such a big task to get myself organised enough to get out the door. Especially when I dread seeing anyone else.

Can anyone else relate or am I just super crazy. 😢

i don't feel like myself at all!! I don't feel normal. I don't feel like I will ever be happy again even if I do move home. Where as six months ago I thought moving home would be great as I would have support and friends and family now I can't see myself happy anywhere. Feel so lost!

P.s- partner works 13days straight and only has every second sunday off and he leaves for work at 5am and doesn't get home until 6pm or 7pm! I feel so alone.

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎29-05-2015

So I would try to trick myself into being organised. Maybe set an alarm for "go to the park", and sign up for the mother's group online (or in whatever is the laziest way possible). Any kind of "device" you can think of to get yourself to do these things. It sounds like a "rip the bandaid off" / "take your medicine" kind of affair, since you seem to recognise yourself that you'll probably feel better if you do these things. I don't mean to simplify it to just that, but that's something practical you can do, and practical is a good starting place.

If you're worried about being a downer on the phone, you could try to intersperse your sad conversation topics with other stuff. It's not like you have to choose between only being fake happy or only being sombre. You can mix it up. Just talking with your friends about other stuff might cheer you up (even if only for a moment - days are made up of moments!), also.

Your partner sounds dumb. Maybe with his work schedule, he's a bit high-strung, and doesn't have energy to be very supportive.

Neil_1 · ‎29-05-2015

Dear Tarzi

Thanx so much for coming here and posting and also I’d like to say, Welcome to you to Beyond Blue.

These situations where one is very isolated and have little or no support are very difficult.

Now, that’s great to hear that there are in fact, mother’s groups where you are – and as Odin’s Beard suggested for setting an alarm to just get up and head to the park, I would suggest do likewise for the mother’s group. See if you can really give it a go to get yourself there – and see if it’s possible to have a private chat with one of the people who organises it – if you feel ok to do so that is. To let them know a little of your situation and how things are so “all alone” for you and the days are a massive struggle. This “could” be the start of something positive for you, as in that kind of location, I’d be very surprised if you were the only one who is feeling alone and no support available.

You also mentioned along the lines of “moving home, but that would ruin the working future, due to you being there for sole purpose/reason being work. And boy oh boy, your partner really is putting in massive hours – 13 days straight – I know I couldn’t do that.

Oh and guess what – you are not super crazy, you are not even garden variety crazy (whatever that is) – you’re just someone in a remote location doing it ultra tough.

You also said that your partner reckons it’s your fault. BRRRRPPPPP – that’s the sound of a buzzer with a wrong answer! Sorry, but your partner is way wrong. Not helping yourself – firstly, you know of the mother’s group, you know about taking baby to the park, you find it an incredible effort to get up each morning BUT you do and you attend to all of your little boy’s needs, no matter what. That’s you being an awesome Mum, under difficult times. You’ve also been along to the GP and sought out help there and have received meds as well.

So to me, you’re going about this in as positive a fashion as you can.

I hope between myself and Odin’s Beard, we’ve been able to help out even a little bit.

I do hope you can post again, as we’d love to hear back from you – even if you just want to unload or just chat; ask questions, whatever. 🙂

Kind regards

Neil

geoff · ‎29-05-2015

dear Tarzi, hi and thanks for coming to the BB forum.

It must have been a big move and a rather traumatic event, but there was a reason as 'we are here working away for a reason', and whether this was because work needed you or more so your partner was required to, however it doesn't seem as though it has changed your mood, as you still have depression.

Has the doctor diagnosed you with anything, such as having PND, although I'm no psychologist and can't say what you actually have, as that would be improper. Would it be OK if I asked you if you saw the doctor now after the move, and if not then it would be a good idea to see one, and get your medication reviewed.

With your partner working all those hours doesn't leave much time for him to help you, and he would have no recognition of what you have to struggle with, so you're caught up in a catch-22 situation, which is not going to help.

I have experienced a mum who had PND as my ex had to to go through this, but unfortunately she wouldn't get any help nor take any medication, which made her suffer for a longer period of time.

There are the BB phone numbers above which you can ring, plus PND support groups, and I'm not saying that it is what you have, but if you google this, there are plenty of sites to look at.

I hope that you can get back to us, and clear up a couple of queries. L Geoff. x

Feelinghopeless · ‎29-05-2015

Hi

Its always hard putting on a happy face all the time.. I try to do it everyday, I have so much to be happy and thankful for but everything just feels so heavy (easiest way to describe it). It's hard to get motivation to do anything and everything seems to be an effort to do.. I too am trying to look positively at things and have realized I have to take baby steps.. I'm afraid of telling my partner or family how I feel, but am thankful that I have been able to let things out on here, where it is safe and I won't be looked at oddly.. Keep talking and take a it day by day.. You are never alone, even if it feels that way some times..

thanks for sharing FH

Tarzi · ‎05-09-2017

So here I am again... over two years later.... I do t even know where to start. Is anyone in this thread? I can't figure out how to new a new thread/post. 😞

Pysis · ‎05-09-2017

Hi tarzi

welcome back

what's going on mate how can I help?

nath

startingnew · ‎06-09-2017

hello and welcome back Tarzi

ok so maybe the first thing you could talk about is what has brought you back to here? has something changed? still the same? something else has occured?

Tarzi · ‎07-09-2017

I guess on the outside my life looks pretty good, i have a lovely home, I have a good job, iv been with my partner nearly 7 years, I'm engaged, I have nice things. But what people don't know is.. I don't have any friends, I feel so alone and empty, everyday I drag myself out of bed with just enough time to get myself ready for work and my son to daycare, I'm always racing the clock from the moment I wake and then can't sleep at night although I'm exhausted. (Iv been diagnosed with high functioning depression)I read an article the other day of a lady in New York who died by suicide, she had a million dollar home, a son etc and I could relate. I bet she felt how I feel.., empty and alone although perceived from the outside to have it all. I was staring at my son the other day while he was playing and couldn't help but think how he would probably be better off without me... I feel like he doesn't like me much anyway. He is three but such a dad's boy. Anyway I'm rambling now.

startingnew · ‎08-09-2017

thank you for opening up here. while im not a parent, i am a second mother to my younger sisters and am a daughter myself.

you would already know this, but just to remind you..... you cna have everything in the world to be happy with. wife/husband, kids, work, house, car friends and family and you can still have depression. as i say depression doesnt discriminate and anyone can be affected.

i dont think your son would be better off without you, i bet your fine dd but depression certainly does make you/us feel that way. dont listen to it.

About being alone/lonley. i have heaps of people around me and yet i couldnt feel more alone as you do. alone and empty and like something is missing.

have you got any interests or hobbies that you could look into for interest groups?

or things you might like to ry and join a group with them?

what about a father/parent support group?

maybe that could lead you to making some more friends....