When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[therising]

Hi rx

Can be so hard, regarding our kids, watching them heading for possible heartbreak while silently questioning the intentions of their chosen partner. My daughter's last partner was a terrible guy who led her to an almost soul destroying form of pain before she broke things off. It's almost like the powers that be said 'Here is a new guy, who will show to you what a gentleman is. He is someone who can bring out the best in you, not the pain in you'. Btw, she went to primary school and secondary school with him but there was no significant spark between them until recently. In hindsight, she has learned to trust her ability to feel red flags. She felt them all the way through that last relationship yet let self doubt lead her decisions, much to her regret. It was a seriously tough way to develop greater instinct. I think sometimes the best we can do is lead our kids to trust their ability to feel the red flags in life. What can make it hard is them feeling the soulful highs in between the flags. Hard to break from people who can give us the occasional high.

I think one of the hardest things to do in life would be to run your own business. It'd be like your baby in a way, watching is grow and suffer on occasion. I imagine the hard work and stress involved in raising it would be managed through recalling the joys of seeing it thrive. I don't think I could handle the overall stress. I deeply admire anyone who runs their own business. I think you have to be a true visionary, not just in seeing the happy positive ways forward but also seeing the ways through and out of the deeper challenges. My brother owns his own business and thrives on the challenges until the challenges become intolerable under certain circumstances; then he stresses his way through to constructive solutions. He's definitely a visionary in so many ways. He leads others to thrive through the great opportunities he sees and provides for them.

Sounds like your dad may have thrived on challenge. Is this one of the traits you share? Do you typically love a challenge? The thing about challenge - you have to have the mental and sometimes physical energy to manage. Facing a challenge while in state of exhaustion is a whole different kettle of fish compared to facing one when there's plenty of energy in the tank. Sometimes I wonder 'Where have my energy and vision gone? Have they gone on holiday?'. They typically come back although sometimes it feels like they've gone on long service leave 🙂

[Guest_1584]

Hi rising.

Ya see that's the thing and it's so hard l think it almost hurts us more than our kids.

Business yeah, l've been in mine 30yrs, only had a few jobs when l first left school that was it not for me had to be my own boss. Mine though it's nothing like your brother, or all my dads stuff, none of that's ever interested me l've always kept it very very minimalist and it still is to this day. My own business has always just been about allowing me to live the way l like to. So although surviving has certainly had it's moments no doubt about that the norm couldn't even imagine but they also couldn't imagine how l've been able to live either and it's that freedom what it's always been all about for me.

Energies a funny thing isn't it, it does get confusing as we get older exactly. Sometimes your wondering if it's coming back or it's left the building for good l know. The good things l still have plenty , the bad things l dread - all gone haha.

[CMF]

Hey,

Yeah. It is just life isn't it?

[blondguy]

Hey RX

I hear you loud and clear when you mentioned ' she is such a special special deep old soul and person she deserves such a special love . Yet she's had a terrible run with boys. lt's heart breaking'

Its breaks my my heart with my daughter as well RX

You are a great dad

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Paul, I am really sorry about your daughter, she doesn't know the love she's missing from you and it must be so disappointing for you, I am so very sorry.

My best.

Geoff.

[douglaid]

I understand how you feel. I was diagnosed with depression shortly after I was born (I am now almost 80.) It does become a way of life. I can recall only one day when I felt absolutely normal. It happened during a change of tablets, and apparently more common at such times. My father "didn't believe" in depression. That was a common attitude back then. Every so often I wish that there was a cure, but genetic counselling has not yet gone so far as making changes during a lifetime. Because my condition is so permanent, I have tried to regard it as a disability, not as an illness. My wife is a qualified pharmacist, and experienced the difficulty that all doctors and paramedics have when trying to fit depression into their idea of the structure of medical knowledge. All that I can say is: you are not alone.

[Guest_1584]

Hi paul and thanks for that.

Yeah that was actually too hard to even write tbh but thanks for the kind words and so sorry to hear things there are still shaky my heart really goes out to you my friends and thanks again.

A gday and thanks to to Geoff and also to Doug. 80 yrs wow your and expert for sure . ironically even at this stage doug many still don't understand it and family and friends can be even worse but at least they have an excuse.But on the other hand though , there has been plenty of times where l've thought their "ahhh , just get on with it ", attitudes have actually helped me a bit and that's actually been the way l've tried to deal with things anyway myself so. l've just found kicking my own bum as gf calls it really helps and it also opens the door to some nice patches of happiness in life to that l'd had probably of missed otherwise.

Do you have any tips after all these yrs , has anything helped apart from the right meds?

Take care all. rx

[therising]

Hi rx

I like your work ethic of doing what feels good, as opposed to doing stressful kind of work. Of course, I imagine the business hasn't always been easygoing and stress free. Can take quite a bit of work to make it stress free, hence the kicking of your own bum to keep pushing things along in life 🙂 I think sometimes it can be easier to dismiss the brilliant advice that naturally comes to mind in favour of doing nothing or having a break. It's like what may naturally come to mind could be 'Phone that person and organise a meeting with them'. But no, there can be another part of us that dictates 'Just do it later'. Don't know who said it but the quote is accurate, 'Procrastination is the thief of time'. Hard not to beat our self up for wasting time.

Might sound strange but I've come to see depression as being a part of my 'compass'. So I suppose you could say, in this case, depression is a natural part of life. I should add there are exceptions, such as when we're biologically unable to process certain positive chemistry, based on genetic factors for example. This is why I love the study of epigenetics, which points to our ability to trigger certain switches on and off. How we can flick or trigger them is a large part of the study. I can't help but wonder whether it will be research into epigenetics that will have the greatest impact on mental health in the future. Sorry, went off on a tangent then. The compass factor - it's kind of like you can feel when you're heading north (in an inspiring or invigorating direction) and when you're heading south or being led to head south (in a depressing direction). Can also feel depressing when we've been standing still for way too long. I think we're designed to keep moving so that's what that feeling's about perhaps. Tells us we're stagnating, as opposed to achieving or evolving. When I say 'depressing', I'm not necessarily talking about depression. 'Depressing' can indicate we're heading for depression.

Tapping into that compass factor, coming to rely on it on occasion, the internal dialogue that can come to mind sometimes is 'Can you feel the direction you're heading in?'. How to stop heading in the wrong direction or how to stop standing still is sometimes the most challenging part of all. I think I need to 'map' my life out a little better these days 🙂

[Guest_1584]

Hi rising.

Weelllll, funny really , l love wasting time and procrastinating . l look at the world and people these days and how it's all the trend to be busy busy busy , no thanks l hate being busy . My mate and l once use to have a saying remember if we made it up or stole it but- why do today what you can put of until tomorrow , ahhhh, But nah , l knuckle down when l must l'm pretty good at firing when one must be fired well, most of the time. l'm a weird mix haha. One type of time especially as we get older l do hate wasting though are yrs for example and that type of procrastination or fate as it might be or whatever the case but you know your watching yrs roll by and your trying your damnedest to avoid it. So precious we realize and go all to fast while unfortunately we don't get younger right - that'd be nice wouldn't it.

But yeah , l always know and feel ahead of which way l'll be feeling or heading or coming out of going into next, l even get ready for it. Same with work or jobs around renovating or just stuff. Sometimes l'll be depressed but l'll suddenly feeling like going out to the garage and getting this or that or cutting something or start preparing something or other - for when l come out of it knowing it's on it's way and l'll want to fire again. At times like that you know, we can flip again very easily back into reverse given any excuse so if l have a few things in motion or prepared , it'll get me fired again when the time comes. Depression itself though , it's a terrible bloody thing isn't it.l can see purposes in most things even procrastinating but l don't see much in depression, Unless it's in the getting over something say for example in the traumatic sense. lt's a natural process during at times and does serve a very important purpose in ways needed to work things through. l think if they're ignored or pushed aside you may well just get pay back later.

[Guest_1584]

ps

l don't mean years are rolling by in some wanting to stay younger sense or something. But rather in some decision or conclusion you just need to be done because meantime it's turning into yrs, pretty much my scenario right now unfortunately.