When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi cm, and thanks for that.

Well , when gf did go back home it was suppose to be done 6-8mths originally but Covid back logs.So that would've worked out butttt 16-17mths later. l'd be happy to ride out her new stuff except l don't trust it as ya know and she's everywhere again lately and it's going on and on too. lt doesn't feel right starting again l just can't place why though, with things the way the are at her end now seems l don't have much choice.

Moving yeah , it's the moving alone part that makes me sick actually. TBH l live in a beautiful area radios wise. Our main town 20mins away is gorgeous to but down in my immediate town. lt's quite a nice place but in nearly 6yrs, absolutely nothing has happened here for me. l've met no one don't fit in nothing happens. lt's quite nice as a couple bc you have your own world but alone !

[Guest_1584]

l didn't think l would remarry again tbh , it's only the last 3 or 4 yrs l've changed my mind and lately l would like to , or just live in sin haha but l'd rather a coupled life again these days.

[blondguy]

Hey RX

I understand your feelings with life as we cant predict when and how often we get knocked down RX

CMF has always been wise with her focus on life and when she mentioned ' You haven't messed anything up' she is spot on RX...Life can be trying..especially when we keep striving to do better and compared with our past it can be a rocky road

My health issue is the chronic anxiety I had for a few decades and the symptoms were debilitating RX

Can I ask if you are having quality sleep?

you rock RX

Paul

[CMF]

Hey rx

I understand re rather be a couple. Married or not it's nice to have company & someone to share things with. It's obvious how caring & loving you are and you want to share that. You have so much to give. Have you set a time limit for your break with gf? Are you planning to re asses?

Hey Paul, good to see you & thanks for the kind words. You are also very wise. Our experiences teach us as we need to work harder to find happiness/balance.

Cmf

[Guest_1584]

l'll have to come back later just passing.

But yeah, our wisdom's are strange things, and our areas, aren't they. l've always seen and known things, with others and myself. l knew 8mths before l met my w, we'd meet, even her red hair. Saw places we'd live. Saw gf, even met a pile of people with names beginning with T, then her, her name begins with T. Things with people even as a kid no one else even noticed or picked up. Even always saw my ex w would somehow end up connected to the town she lives in now. l always hated that place she seemed obsessed with it and now she lives in it and hates it to and we're divorced, there's a spin to it eh. Lots and lots of things in life, big and small.

So it's all that kind of stuff being why l say atm , l just can't feel what's going on, which way to go. l should be able to l normally would lt's very weird. That's what makes knowing just what to do this last few yrs with anything so out of whack, even me being here and talking about it. Never done anything like this or needed to in my life. But at any rate yeah, so much for our wisdoms and guides.

Another weird thing l've been thinking about lately. Right now and at this point in life, is actually the first time since 20s, that the big decisions and choices in life , are right now- ALL mineeee. !

Being married it's about family, same with gf's or w's - husbands for women to l'd suppose. That started from even before l'd even met my w actually. My mate wanted to go traveling but l got those feelings so l actually stayed home bc l knew l'd miss meeting my w if l did go, and we met.

Thing is, it's always been about partners or w and family as it is so really, l should be enjoying it atm then right. First time in 30yrs or so it's actually all just up to me now. We met a guy up north once early 70s, he was selling everything he owned and taking of to travel the world. Said he'd just been waiting for his kids to get establish and they're all good now so he was taking off. Bit of a classic.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l might've and l've suspected for a few yrs now to, just haven't listened to it. But l may have been talking about stuff too much. l may have just needed to be still mentally in those ways , let things take their own paths and arrive to where ever they do.

Sometimes l wonder if talking about things does more damage than good.

Any thoughts ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi Paul nice to see you mate and thanks for that.

And l've noticed you have some nice little bits of wisdom tucked way yourself to btw my friend and it's always nice to hear your thoughts. Always sad to hear of your anxiety to you have a lot to offer, but l have wondered as with a lot of people around with different things. Has it been caused by life , or has it been the actual illness itself.? TBH , l'm not even sure if there's much difference in some things but with depression for me it's mainly been due to certain life periods.

And thanks for the kind words but ah , ldk. l do feel as though l coulda shoulda , l'm not sure. l mean l couldn't have asked for more maybe my time thing was just being overly cautious at this stage or was it justified, l don't know. l do know it changed everything though and in huge ways.

Sleeping nah not of late my friend thanks for asking, yourself, sleeping ok or?

gf and l both get we call brain bla , just rubbish. Head spinning and wandering all night with mostly just rubbish really . Mine usually passes at around 6wks . l usually just ride it out , or try a few home remedies.

Take care my friend.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi cm and thank you to as always .

Always nice to her your thoughts. But yeah , there's been times in life l'd have preferred being single and carefree but these days yeah, l'd prefer life as a couple and l'm ready again. And sadly , thanks for the kind words though nonetheless but l actually need to work on my caring loving sides though TBH. lt is in the heart but l'm also spacey and moody and so it's not always externally showing and causes a bit of confusion for a partner.

Times yeah, we talked about Decemberish atm and we'll see where we're at around then. Mind you, she's a classic ideas person and awhile back she called with an idea of me going up there for this 6mths until she finishes this stuff. ln a way l wouldn't mind actually but we don't have a cheap place to stay and l'd still have my mortgage here , don't think l'd wanna rent it out. But one thing and another can't see how we could manage it. And she's had about 10 other ideas , quite funny really.

Have a nice wkend eh.

rx

[therising]

Hi randomx

What a fascinating combination; you're a seer and a feeler. To be able to see what's coming and feel that it's right is such a gift. On the down side, I think when such abilities aren't working the way they usually do can kind of feel like things are 'broken' in some way. It's even harder when you rely on your abilities and they appear to have gone on the blink.

I work with a girl who has quite a unique strategy when it comes to life choices and what she sees in her mind. Instead of seeing or envisioning 1 or 2 possibilities, she says she sees multiple possibilities in her mind like you would on a number of tv screens. She chooses the screen or the channel that feels right. Once she's chosen, it becomes a little like 'channeling the reality you want' or 'sticking to one channel of inspiration' until the next challenge comes up, where she may feel the need to repeat the process.

I've heard of a number of different reasons for why people lose their vision for a little while (before it returns)

1. In a state of exhaustion, such an ability doesn't work so well. Takes energy. There may be a need for a 'recharge' period before things come back on line
2. Can be in a down time, mentally, physically and emotionally
3. Not looking at or focusing on the best direction under the circumstances. This can be based on the idea that the wrong direction can look more appealing or the best direction can feel a little fearful so we don't want to look at it
4. The need to find another seer/visionary who can see the way ahead for us, in regard to a destination we may not have considered yet (maybe something a little more outside the square than what we're used to)

A couple more things you touched on yourself can involve letting life happen to us for a little while (giving up a need for control) and all talk and no action. Personally, one of my biggest problems is that last one. I can talk about what I want in life or what feels right regarding the way ahead but I don't always act on it. Difference comes through action. I'm a shocker at times, how inactive I can be. I can be more of an observer of my life than an active participant 🙂

I believe 2 major factors that can bring things back on line are a huge sense of achievement and pure inspiration. They both have a brilliant kind of soulful charge to them you can feel throughout the whole of your being.

[Guest_1584]

Morng rising , and thanks a lot for so much thought in replying. lt's nice to know my weirdness is actually grasped bc not even my own family brothers and sisters even do, my dad and mum always did though. lt's a real pain tbh, wish l just ticked in the normal manner tbh.

l use to do a lot of things in that way the lady you spoke of does, and there it would just be, exactly what l needed or was looking for, even huge things like a property. The smaller things are still working but yep, the really big stuff l need to make up my mind about this yr are yep , all on the blink , just blank . l stalled last yr, and the yr before, waiting, but this yr and the situation here now l have to make up my mind. lt might just need more time but l probably won't have it after Dec. Given it 3yrs, still blank haha.

Have to make a ph call through the wk, might be able to get another yr, bloody hell. More limbo though.

Just a quick one here l'll have to come back in more depth later.

Thanks again. rx