When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi again rising and once again thanks for the thoughts and insights just re read after a kinda funny Sunday , hope yours was ok.

But yeah the feelings thing isn't something l normally look for or wait on it's just something that hits sometimes. Normally l have to make decisions just like anyone else in the usual ways or l'll feel a yeah or neigh type thing. But most people will in some shape of form or say be uneasy with one direction but comfortable and at peace about the other. What's been confusing though atm is that they're very big decisions, completely life changing and with something as big as these l'd normally have something, but there's just nothing. That is very very weird for me and because l'm just not sure l could really use something atm. Typical isn't it, things are never around when you need them right.

interesting about those reasons and blocks you've talked about. l've def' been in a down time, the whole yrs so far and the last , hence the thread. And also drained from gf's and my situation.

The achievement things or any sort of satisfactions in life are a beautiful thing aren't they and as crap as things have been l have still gotten done what needs to plus some extras buttt, unfortunately the lights are still out and there's bee nothing in this particular area.

Usually any of us can just do nothing in cases like this and things will come, but there's a situation with both issues this yr and things need to be decided.Mind you, l'd just rather forget about everything and go back to bed .

rx

[therising]

Hi randomx

The life changing decisions are definitely the tougher ones. Can relate to there being nothing more frustrating than when what you rely on to make them kinda goes off line. Me, I'm more of a hearer than a seer I suppose you could say. I listen for the most constructive internal dialogue. I tend to meditate on the deeper challenges early in the morning when it's quiet. It becomes about blocking out any preconceived ideas and fears and then listening to what naturally comes to mind. Hard to do at times, that's for sure. When what comes to mind is undeniably true for me, what I do with the truth becomes my choice. I'll elaborate a little....

One of my biggest life changing challenges is one I'm currently going through. The choice to stay with my husband or for us to separate hit its peak the Monday before last. We've been together for about 25 years, so it was far from an easy decision, the one I reached. The soul destroying cycle this marriage has been going through for years had become unbearably depressing. In the weeks leading up to my decision, I meditated on it and what eventually came to mind was the the undeniable truth, 'This relationship is slowly killing you'. I know it sounds strange but when I'm in this state I tend to develop a bit of a 2 way dialogue. With my next statement ('But I don't know how I'm going to live without him, I'm scared I'll regret ending the marriage') what came to mind next was 'Anything else has got to be better than slowly dying in a soul destroying way'. Again, true. I've done depression before, so I know how bad it can get. I'm blessed to have a supportive family - a bro who insists he loans me any money I need which can be repaid once the house it sold and a whole lot of people, my brother included, who insist I talk through any concerns I have and express any emotional challenges I feel throughout the transition.

I think if we don't filter out the fear, what we see and/or hear comes from a place of fear. We'll see nothing but fearful hardship in our vision of the future or we'll hear stuff like 'This is all going to go wrong'.

I've quizzed a number of people over the years, looking for who hears the word 'You' in their internal dialogue. Amazing the amount of people who hear it. Eg: 'I don't know what to do'. 'You need to trust yourself more'. Whether we're channeling the inspiring nature of someone we know or a more conscious part of our self or something else, doesn't matter as long as it serves us.

[Guest_1584]

Morng rising.

Nope nothing weird at all about any of that l hear ya on all counts. And yeah , we need to clear the air ways during such hard decisions , block or somehow get rid of all the rubbish , and listen out for the things that matter within buttt , as you know that can be easier said than done. Sometimes we know what we need to do but we just can't get that clearness to let it come through.

l really don't envy you l was in that position a long time, hardest part of my whole life but eventually we did divorce. We still talk quite a bit , nothing personal just things d mainly or light chit chat. She was here a few wks back in my kitchen we sat either side of the bench.lt's mainly been text over the last few yrs, few calls , so this was strange and we on one hand just got a long the way we always did, but on the other we both felt the situation, thinking. When l see her l still love her and she does me l see that and l didn't believe in divorce, especially fr my d, still can't believe it sometimes but at the same time , l still can't see now how we could've fixed it either.

Wrong choices ahhh yessa. know about those. We moved a lot earlier, way too much , big ones, different states and areas, we kinda traveled for yrs, we wanted to do it while we were young but it went way to far, mistakes. So yeah now , l don't trust myself to make the right choice but nothings coming through either to help, damn it. Blank. Same with gf stuff. Although l can't feel another women, or her anyone else either, but l can't see how we can go forward with her situation apart from just waiting it out even longer, bloody tough one, lifes passed by so fast.

You need to listen out for that clear yea or neigh, filter out the rest, l know you know, me too, just can't hear it. l'm probably not meant to do anything, it's said if you don't know then do nothing, wish l could though. lf l force things so big though l know forcing never works for me.

Really sorry about your situation , is there 500% no way to fix things ? As l say with ex, as cute as she still is we are, l still just can't see how. And funny, well not so much, but she's still rushed of her feet so much you prety well had o mke an appointment when we were married, and she's still the same, Jezuz that drove me crazy back then. As clever as she is in most ways she's still just one of these people that just can't organize her time. Me on the other hand , time is one of the most important things to me.

rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX...CMF and therising

Thanks RX for asking...my sleep is okay and I dont wake up in an Ice Cold sweat anymore like I used to in my 20's..Quality sleep can be difficult when we cant 'switch off' I hear you loud and clear RX

Rising mentioned 'I think if we don't filter out the fear, what we see and/or hear comes from a place of fear' Sorry RX...this is your thread....I think I now what Rising means yet its easily said. Im unsure if Rising means low level anxiety or the anxiety that has a detrimental effect on our ability to function on a day a to day basis

CMF...thankyou so much 🙂

you rock RX

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Everyone, going back to the title of this thread, it is possible people can be sad and/or disappointed in not being able to achieve what they thought was possible and this can affect how they feel, but there is a fine line between sadness and depression and if the former is so debilitating that it starts to affect everything in your life and for a longish period then the doctors classify this as depression.

Even if you are sad about something but can still carry on doing everything else, then there's the possibility of overcoming this feeling, but if you are unable to accomplish doing something, today, tomorrow, next week etc, then it's suggested you seek help for this condition.

Sadness for a day can't be interrupted as being depressed, although I'm not a doctor to qualify this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi randomx

What if you were to imagine a few story lines which lead to one constructive set of actions

• Imagine preparing your house for sale, including taking care of the fence. Btw, whether you sell or not doesn't necessarily matter at this point
• Imagine doing a few reno jobs around the house, including the fence, in order to create a home that has a more satisfying feel to it
• Imagine preparing the house with her in mind for her to come back and live in

All are based on you not waiting but preparing instead, for a number of possibilities. This way you'll be ready for anything when the time comes. Could always take a well earned holiday from the prep work, by going to see her.

I explained to my husband how I believe the only choices are 1) we make a clean break or 2) we see if we can work through things over time while we're not living together. All I know is that we can't go on living together, as this is what helps maintain the destructive cycle we're in. I just can't manage his nature anymore and while he's agreed his nature is largely selfish and he's tried to modify it in the past (typically only when things get this bad) that's all a part of the cycle we go through. Things always go back to the way they were based on his nature, preferring what's comfortable over what's constructively challenging. I suppose what it comes down to is...can I live with someone who puts constructive effort in only when things get bad and he feels he's going to lose me?

While sitting in my morning meditation I asked 'What do I do in regard to the way forward?'. What came to mind was an incredibly helpful fact, 'No matter what, you need to prepare the house for sale'. So that's my #1 focus at the moment. I have cupboards full of useless stuff, a house I semi finished painting a couple of years ago (interior), a garden that would put any buyer off etc.

Hi Paul

Definitely a difference between basic fears and debilitating ones. I get where you're coming from. Debilitating ones are crippling and can mess with the mind and body in so many ways. When our fears take over our lung function, heart rate, nervous system, internal dialogue, vision of the future etc it can be literally sickening. Hard to hear the softly spoken sage in us when it's drowned out by the deafening sound of our own heartbeat, thumping away at a furious rate. If we do manage to hear the sage, 'Calm down. You need to calm down', the question becomes 'How?'. Yes, definitely easier said than done.

[Guest_1584]

No worries Paul always nice to hear from you and glad your getting some sleep these days. Funny , 20s , yeah , l use to have a 6wk on 6wk of sleep things back then. l wouldn't sleep at all for 6wks until l wound up so tired l'd finally start sleeping again for 6wks, and then it would start again. Take care.

Gday Geoff and thanks for the thoughts.

Sadness for a day sounds alright doesn't it , l wish. But yeah me l do manage to get done the bare minimum to survive mainly bc l have no choice. Maybe it's lucky l don't as it does do you good and lifts things at least a little for sure.Short lived but better than nothing.

l'd consider myself on the border of what you describe. l have tried the docs a few times in the past, got something once, didn't like it. Other times they find out l still eat and almost throw you out. l met a lady last yr that had been on meds 25yrs , held down a job, had kids, said she could've have done any of it without meds.

All the best. rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi rising.

Thanks for that but yeah been doing that 2yrs now , in the mind anyway seems to be as far as it gets though haha. Funny , when we talk about it she says similar to what you described but yeah , l am tryng to hone in on something along those lines. Bit of a shame really things like bthroom/ kitchen are a tough call though bc lf l was staying or ended up staying l'd do them completely different to selling. The rest though yeah your right some painting and things all round would really lift the place sell or not.

Your h sounds like he'd like to work it out maybe you can. But yeah our core is our core , can be tough call changing it l'm still fighting with mine. Maybe getting on with the house will give you some clarity, hoping that for myself to. l've had some big realizations just in this last few days now though in our sitch. l had to do a long work trip 8hrs yesterday - which l use to love but that's only the second one this year and already l'm just not loving it or even enjoying it at all anymore, this one yesterday was really hard and unsettling. Lots of thinking as it's just driving but l'm realizing l def' don't wanna move to far now even if l do sell, or stay up hers for 12mths while she finishes either- which was one idea we've been having but nope, can't do it. So yeah that's def' gonna narrow things down from here and will probably make us or break us but , too many moves too many trips.

rx

[therising]

Hi rx

Sounds like progress, knowing that if you did move you wouldn't want to move too far away. 'Snails pace' progress is something we can really feel, hey. It's so slow, sometimes depressingly slow. There are times where I wish some miraculous person would show up at my front door. I'd open the door to them saying 'I'm here to fast track you to the life of your dreams. Are your ready? Hold onto your hat princess'. There they'd be with the plan. At the end of our meeting, I'd be left proclaiming something along the lines 'Of course! It all makes perfect sense. That's brilliant! I'm so excited!!! Why did I not see that before?'.

As I occasionally say to my 19yo daughter and 16yo son, 'If things are going slow, you need to seek out someone who's a 'fast tracker'. There you go, I should take my own advice. Easy access these days, with thousands of doors to open on the internet. 'Which one/s to open (under the circumstances)?' becomes the question. I suppose the key is partly comprised of what's typed into the search engine. For example, while 'How to get high' might open doors to some questionable practices, 'How to get high naturally' will open different ones. While 'How to get a temporary natural high' will unlock doors to interesting things, 'How to naturally gain long lasting highs' will offer something else. Just did a search and apparently one way to get a natural high is through music. In order for it to have the greatest impact, it must be played through really good quality speakers. Actually, I've found this to be true. I praise Sony for their mastery in producing mind altering sound. Sound holds the ability to not just alter our brain waves but also our chemistry. My son's sensitive to sound and only plays music through LPs on a good quality turntable connected to Logitech speakers. From 'The Black Eyed Peas' through to 'Niel Diamond' I personally have a decent 'go to' library of emotions on hand. Again, praise Sony for their delivery. If you like the feeling of a certain sound, you can turn up the volume on it, which has further impact on the brain/body and our energy systems.

While music is definitely not the answer to everything, it can sometimes take us out of where we don't want to be, even if it's just for a little while. A sensory based resource in a toolbox of resources. Of course, it won't always work but it remains on hand none the less.

Perhaps the ultimate question comes down to 'Which door do I want or need to unlock at this point?'.

[Guest_1584]

Haaaa yessa , sound , music , some like dolphins haha, whatever floats your boat, is magical thing. Just so happens l'm looking for new speakers right now.

l'm been to mentally busy to enjoy it lately and it's not taking me away the way it normally would , it's actually shaking me up even more soooo, not much of late. When there's peace again though it;ll be back p and l'll have my new speakers ready haha. Or movies , but lately l can't even enjoy those. That use to be one reason l really enjoyed my work trips to but even they aren't working . Getting outside to the workshop or yards still do it though, air sky the earth underfoot.