When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Mind you l don't say or feel that as lightly as it comes across there, it isn't easy and it's sinking in more lately too especially after talking again the other day.

And she just sounded so strange , l couldn't believe how suddenly just so resigned she sounded as if this just had to be her life now and that was that.

Mind you she did send a long message about everything going on too and between her son's situation and her other things , they're still comin that is for sure. Must admit l'm not missing that side of things.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l don't think it's her fault though none of the really heavy side of things she's been going through tbh about 7yrs now, were her fault. l do believe she had the best and most genuine intentions. l think she's just become so lost in everything that's been going on so long and she's kind of lost herself and too warn out now to know anything much anymore,  l mean she's even in menopause, just to ice the cake.

Not that l, well ldk, believe everything was in those baskets for instance love and the sort of love she spoke and showed, surely that just can't be just walked away from, but her culture is weird like that too l must admit.

l understand being so drained and broken that you just can't do life anymore, l've been there as many here at BB have , but that love, ldk. That part to me still just doesn't ad up.

Anyway.  rx

[CMF]

I understand. Sometimes I just can't do life.  M is amazing,  generous, positive,  happy but there are things that bring me down ie anxiety,  our differences, different lives etc & sometimes I think I should just let go, set him free, cos I'm tired. Tired of life &tired of not being like him. Sometimes I just want quiet. No thinking, no trying to be on a relationship, no fighting the battles I have. I just want quiet. I just want to exist & that's it. Just exist & not have to do or be anything more. I think he deserves more than I can give or be. He should be with someone more like him. Fit, in good shape,happy,  has money, wants the same things etc. It's hard for me so I shut down. I hope this helps give you clarity on how she may be feeling.

Merry Christmas rx.

Hugs

Cmf 

[Guest_1584]

lt does cm definitely and l see that and in everything you talk about too . Just on gf's side, yeah she is truly that warn out. She wasn't when we met but close. This last 2yrs though and what she's been through and now her son, and there's more.

l was at a point myself for a few yrs there but thankfully mojo and spirit did return- for now. But l certainly get that it just may well not with others.

Your sitch yeah, sadly but l really take the hat of to you, honestly. The pressures in those differences and then the sis thing and of not being you but not m either. Unfortunately he is v different to a large degree too, his people friends the way he truly likes to live people he's truly into. Tbh l think your being too hard on yourself those pressures, they're huge anxiety right there, there should be peace.

Sadly those very things are the most valuable things to me in gf, we were just the same people somehow apart from a few cultural ways. lived the same liked the same people saw through the same people, our views, life,what we wanted, personalities everything- there was mostly such comfort and internal peace but not in any boring way.

l know for me how rare that is unfortunately.

Merry cHRISTMas too anyway.   rx

[geoff]

Hello RX, how true this can be your title, because I'm not suffering from depression but coping with cancer, which I was informed on my birthday a couple of months ago.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm and thanks very much.

Differences are so hard at times aren't they if there isn't a peace with them if you know what l mean . Like some there are but with others there just isn't.

But yeah being still, quiet, existing, having a calm, is a beautiful thing isn't it.

And it does so thanks again.

l can't find your thread sorry l will though but don't forget you , you deserve and need whatever you do too.

Gday Geoff and l'm very sorry to hear that , hope you can get on top of things and that you've had nice day today.

Merry Christmas to all.    rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

Thank you for your kind words. My thread is Feeling lost & overwhelmed...what happened.

Hi Geoff, sorry to hear your news.  Hope you have some support?

Take care friends

Cmf 

[Guest_1584]

No worries at all cm and thanks for that too l'll track it down.

rx

[CMF]

You're right rx,

It is just life isn't it. I'm with someone who will never understand it.

I'm sad 😥

[Guest_1584]

So sorry tpo hear that cm. You've been enduring it a long time now for sure.

They are big differences and about who you both just are l'm afraid.

Big hugs

rx