Hi quirkywords!
It's been ok, have good moments and bad moments. I still haven't been to the doctor yet, I've just needed "me" time, to try and let things sink in. Hitting rock bottom is a truly scary experience and I totally get why people go through those feelings of not being good enough, shutting down, made to feel like a drama queen, not being listened to, that their thoughts and feelings don't matter and so many other things that I may have missed.
One thing I've started to realise, i honestly sometimes think other people don't know or realise that their behaviour can and does hurt people. Perhaps I needed to be "stronger" so to speak in speaking up. I sometimes tried to, but most of the time things did come out wrong and I ended up sounding like a raving lunatic. I do maintain that not everything is my fault, but I can look at myself and admit I have flaws. Other people, I'm not so sure about. For the most part I've wanted some time to myself to gather my thoughts on that matter. So many people claim to be friends, that they care, etc, but when you need them, they're nowhere to be seen. I have reached out to apologise to a few people who did try, to explain my side of things, which helped. Nowhere near back to being besties, but making small steps.
On the home front, I've opened up a lot to my mum, so she knows how I'm feeling and she's been trying to be more supportive of me when things go crap at home with dad, so I don't feel so alone, so to speak while at home. She still has her moments, where she'll tell me "not to start" if dad is having one of his 5yo moments, where he literally yells at the tv, doesn't help around the house, refuses to put the dogs out to go to the toilet, coz he would rather watch tv, then turns the tv up coz I'm trying to get the dogs out, when all they want is dad to take them out.
I think my biggest issue is I've always put other people first. I'm so used to doing that, i don't even know what me time is. I am starting to learn how to say no to people, and part of me is glad I've got this far. I still need extra help, but just to have this time to even partly clear my thoughts and think through things has helped so much.
Thankyou so much for reaching out, just to see how I am. You're a complete stranger. In a world that generally seems so crap these days, it's always nice to know people care. It never has to be anything fancy or extreme, but really dont think people care about others anymore. I'd rather be the kind of person who can try and make someone smile, whether it's someone at the supermarket, a friend, family or even a complete stranger.
I hope you've had a good month and you're well ❤🦄
