Hi, I'm new to this website, to this feeling, to this country...Came here almost 2 years ago full of motivation, thinking of a future, abandoning my career as a psychologist back home to pursue the dream my dad was trying to achieve before passing away, looking always forward. It turns out I've been almost 2 years doing nothing, in a job I never thought I'd be doing, alone, without friends, not even a relationship, soemthing which I've always been into since I'm a huge fan of loving, regardless the its implicit suffering. I've recently experienced something which opened an old wound. 10 years ago, Being humiliated (over trivial relationship issues) by the person I loved triggered a really particular anxiety in me...I've found so hard to have satisfactory sexual relationships, in cases I just...can't...oh gosh...this is so painful, stressful...depressive, humiliating ....not only I cope with anxiety but now the depression of thinking how I'm coming out of this....I wish I could meet someone special, but I feel I can't, I'm already shy + a sexual disorder or whatever it's called triggered by anxiety + seeing my dreams of meeting someone special or having a family destroyed....I can't even go to a party and behave as a regular 29yo guy because I'm even scared of meeting someone and have a one night stand....How did I get to this? how do I become what I used to be?
I used to brag about being a tough guy, sensitive and empathetic to others, but strong wth my own emotions, now I'm broken to pieces, some may well say that's not that relevant but....Only guys can understand how important is that virility or manhood thing for us...I came here to honour my dad's memory, his dream of living somewhere else, I came here as a professional to keep studying and look for a future here...all I've found is loneliness and suffering.
oh my, apart from studying, love is my passion and I've been deprived from it...I dont see a way out..I had never told this to anyone and is so embarassing and ...
