Struggling to remember the good stuff

[Santana]

Hi,

I've suffered from both generalised anxiety and depression for a number of years.  At present I feel I'm slipping into depression again, feeling disconnected and sad.  One of my on going challenges is to remember the good stuff.  When I think back in time, it's the negative experiences that I remember most, and I find myself beating myself up over stuff that happened long ago. Anyone else out there experiencing something similar?  What do you find helpful? I've read about mindfulness but I find it quite difficult to put into practice.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Santana

Welcome to Beyond Blue and what you’ve posted are classic symptoms of a depression sufferer – as I relate to what you’ve said very much.  The good times, the good things, the good stuff – yes, we do have it in our archived memory banks, but it’s a hell of a journey to get to that particular place and to make sure you’ve got the key when you get there – so many things to remember to try to get to the good stuff.

Whereas the bad stuff just seems that you can remember that with just a click of the fingers;  which isn’t a good way to be.

I always remember at these times of a comment that a not-so helpful person told me a few years ago, when I was telling them about how bad things have been, etc etc.  They said, you know, if you keep dwelling on these kinds of things, it’s only going to be bad for you and will bring you down.   “Hey, no shit lady – thanx for the scoop!”

You haven’t mentioned whether you’re on meds at all;  or if you’ve got psych appointments, or at least have had them??  Would be interesting to know, considering for how you say you feel that you’re slipping at this current point in time.

But helpful things – I keep a daily diary (or journal) and I read over previous years for what was happening at that time;  and sometimes it’s quite amusing and interesting to know what was happening ‘back then’.   Also, I find photos are always a good thing to bring a smile to the face – especially photos of say a favourite place you’ve been or on a holiday that you went on.

Trying to find a good movie to watch – though this is just another small option that only takes a relatively short while;  but if it’s a good one and perhaps even funny, it can remain in the old memory bank for some time while you reminisce on or about it.

Just some thoughts, and would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Santana, I am pleased that my friend Neil has replied back to you and given you some helpful tips.

What you seem to be experiencing is PTSD, and I would like to ask you whether you are slipping back or has it just become worse, and there is a big difference here, although either of these are not good, but I am concerned to which one it is. Geoff.

[Zeal]

Hi Santana,

I too have lived for years with anxiety and depression. I no longer have depression, but still have mild OCD. My OCD was severe in my teens. Now I’m 22, and I have been well for about a year and a half. Ruminating on past events, poor choices, and choices not made is mentally exhausting, as well as contributing to feelings of depression and anxiety. I used to feel this way all the time. It was the worst when I was 18 and 19. I would replay thoughts, situations, and events in my head, such as my performance in Year 12, opportunities I didn’t take, awkward conversations I had etc. This, as you know, is very unhelpful. We can’t change the past; we can only live in the present and prepare for the future.

If there are things in your past that you can’t seem to move on from, I recommend talking to a counsellor or psychologist about it. The negative thoughts need to be dealt with in order for you to move on. For me, I had to “forgive” myself for not taking advantage of opportunities, and allowing myself to fall into a vicious cycle of anxiety in Year 12. It’s helpful to keep things in perspective. I don’t know much about your specific situation, but hopefully seeing a counsellor is something you’ll consider.

I too struggle to implement mindfulness practices, and I’m studying psychology at uni! It’s difficult for many, believe me. When you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed, try typing or writing your thoughts down. Writing about issues and dilemmas in your life every day for a few weeks could really help. When you’re writing, don’t worry about grammar and sentence structure. The aim is to get out all your thoughts and worries, so that they can be expressed and dealt with.

I hope you are able to find some relief.  

Best wishes,

SM

[Santana]

Hello Neil,

Thank you so much for your reply.  It really means a lot to have someone 'get you'.  It really is like the good stuff is in a memory bank under lock and key.  I am my biggest critic and sometimes, well often sadly it can be crippling.  I have been on medication on an off over the last 20 years.  I may be on it for up to 2 years then I decided to give my liver a break and take myself off them.  On average after 6 to 12 months I feel the need to go back on them.  The last 2 times I took myself off them however,  symptoms returned after only a couple of months.  I have tried different psychologists but at the moment I don't have anyone.  The last one was a good reflective listener but not much more.  I like your idea of keeping a diary in that I think it might help to use it to record the good stuff, photos and all the positives that inevitably seem to become a blur down the track.  Once again, THANK YOU for replying.  It is a real gift to feel HEARD.

[Santana]

Thank you Geoff, it is wonderful to have caring people reply.  You have asked a good question.  I think of it as 'slipping back' because I am experiencing this after having gone off medication.  At first I had a few weeks of high anxiety which coincided with having started a new job.  Then as I felt more settled and the anxiety lifted I was hit with this wave of persistent thoughts about past events and and the accompanying deep sadness. 

[Santana]

Dear SM,

Thank you for your reply.  It is so good to not feel alone in this, to find others who have had similar challenges and who are overcoming.  You are right, 'ruminating' can turn into unhelpful compulsive behaviour.  I have at times wondered whether it can be a form of OCD.  I haven't done what you suggest, writing down my thoughts or feelings just to get them out.  I guess I just want the negative thoughts to stop, and finding the positive to replace them with can be quite a challenge.  Thanks again for your thoughts, it really helps to feel heard and understood. Best of luck with your studies and good on you for pressing on.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Santana

Hey, thank you so much for your recent kind replies to all who posted to you;  it’s always awesome to receive responses back, to not only hear how you’re travelling but to also hear a little bit more about your situation.

I hope that through the responses you’ve received, they have or are going to prove helpful to you.

And above all else, please remember we are pretty much always here, and if there’s other things you’d like to raise or another question that you’d like to pose, then please do so;   we really want to help out as much as we can.

Kind regards

Neil

[Zeal]

Hi Santana,

Thanks for replying to my post! You're right - you are definitely not alone, especially on this forum 🙂 I hope you can find ways to ease some of your anxiety. When you're feeling depressed, try calling a friend or spending time with someone who knows what you're going through. I wish I did this. I tended to stay home and avoid doing things when I was feeling depressed, which was so unhelpful. Sometimes being alone can be relaxing and therapeutic, but when you're feeling vulnerable and depressed is not one of those times.

Good luck with everything,

SM

[MotherDuck]

I'm quite amazed to read my own story from someone else. Thank you. Slipping, I completely understand. I have no answers for you (sorry), but want to let you know you're not the only one slipping.

 i hope we find the answer  

xx