I don't feel like a real person

lolamoonrock · ‎05-12-2014

I don't know what's wrong with me. A couple of years , even when I was in an abusive relationship, I was still interested in lots of things and being involved with activities and people. But now I feel like an empty husk. The only things I feel I can manage to do is blog on tumblr; even on there I find it difficult to be involved with people and interests. I have a lovely new partner, but I feel like I don't bring anything to the table, that I'm there like a doll. I have no urge to do anything productive, I have no skills, I can't commit to interests anymore. I feel like I exist as some kind of doll, I'm not actually living a life. I despise my past, especially because I feel that my ex ruined me psychologically, I don't like the person I am now and I have no motivation to become better, and the future I want seems like a big joke because I won't achieve it. I just want to slip into sleep and not wake up.

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CrashCoyote · ‎05-12-2014

Hi lolamoonrock,

Thank you for posting. I am a fifty year old man with a few relationships to my name and I have known lots of women, so please try to trust me on this.

People that suffer low self esteem are that way from they way they have been treated. They are drawn to people that perpetuate that treatment and as soon as a person that likes them and wants to treat them as an equal comes along, it all goes south.

I will be very honest with you and tell you that your attitude towards life can only be improved if you want that and if you get the right help. It sounds like your current partner would support you.

I'd recommend you look at some of the fact sheets on this site or even call the 1300 for a talk. Robin Norwood wrote a book titled, "Women Who Love Too Much" which is available online for free as a PDF. I'd urge you to read it.

You are clearly a young woman and hopefully will have a long and happy life ahead of you, even if you cannot see that now. One day you will look back at the abusive relationships and those feelings and it will just be a bad memory.

Keep posting if you'd like.

Kind regards, John.

Beltane · ‎05-12-2014

Hey hun, I've been where you are. Have you been to a doctor and talked about your symptoms? You have have something called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Please look it up on BeyondBlues website as there is very good information on it, as well as on depression and anxiety.

You obviously went through a very stressful and traumatic time with your past, and while you may have felt ok at the time, PTSD is called "post" because it is AFTER the stressful time is over. Also being in such a bad relationship can greatly affect your self-esteem too, which adds to the issues.

I too have been in very unhealthy relationships and i can definitely attest to the fact that they can cause damage to your self-esteem, long term emotions, and can make you feel ashamed and guilty for your past and can also cause problems in current and future relationships as you still suffer left over feelings of sadness, guilt and anxiety from them, plus self-esteem, trust and security issues.

Good news is that you can get into contact with BeyondBlue. You can also speak to your GP who will assess you, if you show symptoms of depression or anxiety or PTSD they may recommend medication (please try to be openminded about this as medication can be greatly helpful to many people, even just on a short term basis until the mind recovers)

The other important thing they can do is provide you with a Mental Health Care Plan. This enables you to see a psychologist up to 10 times a year either for free or very cheap (eg you might pay 30-40$ depending on the psychologist). CBT Therapy is a popular therapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). This is about changing your negative thought patterns into more realistic ones, helping you learn coping skills, and helping you learn more realistic and helpful behaviours. You'll also learn to work through your residual feelings from your past and to give you better skills for maintaining a positive, healthy, functional relationship with your current partner.

I do ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) because I didnt find CBT helpful. My favourite book is "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris, and my favourite iphone app is "ACT Companion". ACT is all about learning to live in the moment- not stuck in the past of worried over the future- and learning to deal with your negative thoughts in healthy ways. I love it, but you may find a different therapy works for you

I got better, and am now in a long term healthy relationship, and am stable, happy and well 🙂 You can too!

CrashCoyote · ‎02-03-2015

Hi lolamoonrock,

I am just wondering how you are going since you began this thread?

Kind regards, John.

Shazzydazzy · ‎04-03-2015

Hey hey. that's exactly how I felt. I felt destroyed after my past. I felt like I was a robot just switched off.

It's not like you can flip a switch and suddenly wow its better. but it does get better.

I think for me. It was simply making the decision I wanted more. I wanted it to get better. I didnt want my past to dictate my future. so I worked at it and changed myself. I did things and went to things I normally wouldn't do. Just to try them.

Eventually I gained perspective on life and what it means to me and what I wanted it to mean. So now I just do what's important to me and to achieve my goals. Which are family. Friends. Career. Once I decided this is what I'm going to do I just did it little by little. wrote a list. Stuck it to my mirror and did everything one by one. It took a decade but I think I'm doing pretty good. Maybe try new things. Write a list. Make things happen.