All the help I can get

[Just_Lost]

Been low for a long time I think.Bought up 7 children who are my rocks.Hubby is Fifo worker 10 years ongoing.Have always held it together somehow but now I'm crumbling.i feel so lost and confused about everything these days.cannot sleep, cannot eat.Concentrating on anything is very difficult.I cry a lot.Go for days without even speaking sometimes when I'm home alone,which is a lot .i have never felt so helpless to help myself.my husband does not understand at all why I'm always blue.he is a very social person. My stomach churns constantly and I feel nervous most of the time. Some days I feel like I've no reason to be here really, though I know I do.My only constant is my daily work. routinely day in day out just do don't have to think because thinking is just to hard right now because it's all such a mess.im about to see a Doctor this Friday prompted by a friend.Im hoping it's a start on the right track because this black hole is consuming my every waking minute leaving me exhausted, vague and detached .I feel at this point that there is no hope really ....so please please assure me I can overcome this demon and beat it and begin to live again....please.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[white knight]

Hi Just lost.  Welcome to beyond blue forums

I believe with mental illness or simple burn out/melt down there is a cocktail of things you need to focus on to achieve some form of recovery.

You are already on the right track seeing your doctor. great. Well done. Now there are other things you need to try as well and including.

- correct diagnosis. If you doubt the diagnosis given then try another opinion.

- medication and the correct dosage. This can take some time to perfect but once you have got it right, like me, you'll never look back.

- me time. After so many kids and workload its time for you.

- hobbies. Find one and do it daily.

- toxic people. Get rid of them and embrace those that are great to share your time with.

- Support. Your children need to know your condition and you need to ask them for support. Also your husband needs to be with you all the way on this journey.

- Research. Read up a lot here. There is a massive amount of information you can gain here.

- Love yourself. Be proud of your achievements. Bringing up children is more of an achievement than being a cEO in a large company. Be proud

There is also a few threads you can use search function for-

Success!!! 53 years of hell now 5 years of contentment

Motivation- search and rescue it

Confidence- how do I get it?

think b4 you act

Meltdown- back to basics

Good luck and we are here to listen of your thoughts and progress.

Tony   WK

[Just_Lost]

Thank you Tony for your encouraging words . It's so good to know I am not alone in this and a listening ear is at hand.One day at a time I intend to overcome this dark place and become who I am meant to be. Managing an hour is a struggle some days but as I begin this journey I know it will become better.

approaching my husband and children is my next battle, not sure how but I will.

Keron 

[White_Rose]

Hello Keron

Welcome to Beyond Blue.  Glad you have been able to post here. I see from your post that you have a great deal of determination which is fantastic.

The people who write in here have gone through or are travelling the same road as you and we all know how hard it is. I believe it was my determination that got me through when I wanted to give up. There were days when I wanted to scream and shout, demand an explanation, demand an instant cure etc. But in the end we get to our destination by managing one day at a time, and as you say, one hour at a time.

Tony has given you some excellent information and suggestions. I will add one more. Tony has said your family need to be told and to support you. This is vital. When you explore the information on this site you will information specifically for family and friends. Ask BB to send you copies of these information sheets and give them to your family. They may help when you talk to family members.

Until someone has been where you are now they often have little insight to mental health issues. It is important that you tell them exactly how you feel. There is a perception that depression is just feeling a bit sad and tired about life and will pass quickly. I wish!

There is nothing wrong in asking for help an d accepting it. Sometimes we feel guilty about worrying or bothering others. This is our fear talking. So ask for help from those who love you and lett them take care of you. Find out as much as possible about your illness and concentrate on getting well, not on other people. This is where all the care, love and nurture you have lavished on your family is returned in spades.

Write in here as often as you need.

Warm regards

Mary

[Just_Lost]

Thank You Mary,

I am going through all the information on the site and gaining as much knowledge as I can so I can approach my family informed.

Dreading there reaction and how they will deal with it, my children I have no concerns really.

My husband in not sure, im afraid to tell him as he thinks I am not the happiest person to be around as it is, but I will address this with him and keep my fingers crossed,

🙂

[Just_Lost]

Can you point me in the right direction please of some literature I can download for my Husband to read.

So he might gain some insight into what Depression  & Anxiety can do.

And as a partner how to help and support.

[White_Rose]

Hello Keron

Sorry I have not been able to reply earlier.  You can get information for family and friends from BB. Go to the tabs at the top of the page and click on Resources. Scroll down to Family and friends and then to whichever topic you want.

Beyond Blue will post out to you any information sheets you ask for.  If you click on Caring for Someone, for example, when you get to that page you will find on the left a blue tab which allows you to order the material or download the information. I do suggest you have whatever information you want sent to you as it comes nicely packaged and saves you printing it. But both options are available.

When someone is unhappy with no visible cause it can be hard to help or understand. This may well be the case with your husband. Once you start explaining how you feel it gives him something to relate to.  He may well have difficulty understanding depression but you can make that journey together.

How did the appointment with the doctor go? I hope you got some help and reassurance.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Keron,

Hope you don't mind me butting in here. I would like to encourage you to continue reading all you can find on depression and how to help others to understand what you are going through.

Both my husband and I are experiencing depression at present. In one way it is a bit of a bother and is making life tedious for us both, but on the other side, we are learning more about each other.

We are presently both on new and different medications to help us. We are also seeing a couples counsellor which is helping.

I have found that presenting information for my husband to read has been very helpful. I look for books on depression to borrow from the library as well, ones with great ideas, pictures and not too many words. Ha. Ha.

Like Tony mentioned, I find great benefit in making time for myself, even if it is only a short period of time. I enjoy doing various crafts, work in the garden and try to catch up with friends when possible.

I wish you all the best with your journey of rediscovery and healing!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools.

[Pixie15]

Hi Just Lost,

You are very lucky to have such a big family. I am sure it was a full time job for you when they were all at home. Because you can go days without speaking to anyone I am assuming that you have an empty nest now. It must be very quiet for you when your husband is away for work. I do not think it is unusual for women at this time of life to go through a period of self reflection.

If your social support has moved out of home you might want to think about making some new connections. Have you thought about doing something like volunteer work? There are plenty of organisations which you could help out if you have some spare time.

Also I am wondering if you have any pets. I bought my husband a puppy a couple of years ago when he was very depressed and it did help him a lot I think. Now we have two dogs and they can be a handful but are great company.

There is a booklet called "The Beyond Blue guide for carers" which you might find helpful for your partner. If you go to the resources page and put carer in the search and select publications in the resource type you will be able to find it. 

Hope you get some help. 

Grateful.

[geoff]

dear Keron, I am also pitching in to see how you are going, because it's a mammoth job to understand and cope with depression all by yourself, especially after such a busy life.

My concern is about your husband and whether he is prepared to help you, let alone read the material you received from BB and actually comprehend the information detailed in the booklet, and may I extend this to any of your children as well.

You're seen your doctor so we would be interested to see how that went. L Geoff. x