Stressed out with a clingy baby

Jaynie_07 · ‎02-12-2016

I have a two month old baby, absolutely adore her. however I am going insane and find myself exhausted and in tears more often than not. she will only sleep when I hold her, the second I put her down she cries so I'm too scared to even try. I spend every day on the couch holding her, I don't get to eat properly, I don't get to shower and I'm the only one in the house that cleans anything so it's a pigsty. I have everyone in my ear saying I need to put her in the cot to sleep but they're not the ones who have to deal with her screaming, sometimes to the point of throwing up. I also have people telling me that I need to keep holding her if that's what she wants, that her crying will traumatise her. I try to teach her to sleep in different places without letting her cry but every time I think I'm getting somewhere she goes downhill again by the next day. I can't handle it anymore

Nikkir · ‎02-12-2016

Hi Jaynie_07,

Welcome toBB and thanks for reaching out. My heart goes out to you and your little one, it has been along time since I have had kids but my daughter had a baby 6 months ago so I can kind of relate to the frustration and exhaustion and all the emotion that you might be feeling. Firstly I think don't worry about the house, there is always going to be mess for the rest of our lives with or without kids and I think you need to do what is right for you and your baby. Do you have support ? I am sorry I don't know much about support overall in this area but if you call our line 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 131114 they will be able to offer referrals and guidance. It would be a good idea to see your GP if you haven't already and peadiatrician. There is a place called tresillian ( something like that ) for help with sleep with babies. If you need any numbers let me know, I find it hard to search and not lose the page im responding to:( I really feel for you, you will get through this, many new mothers experience this but get some support. Please let us know how you are going if you can or if there is anything we can do. Thinking of you and you are not alone. Nikkir x

Zeal · ‎02-12-2016

Hi Jaynie,

Welcome to the forum!

Your situation sounds very stressful and exhausting. I am not yet a Mum, but in my late twenties or early thirties, I would like to try for a baby. I have done a lot of child-minding, but have only cared for a baby once before. He kept crying when I got up to go to his cot. It took a few hours for him to calm down, and after that I was tired.
I can't imagine how hard it would be to have a screaming baby during most hours of the day.

If you don't mind me asking, is this your first child? Do you have a partner who supports you, or a family member who can come over to help out? Not being able to care for yourself is definitely a problem. You are getting exhausted and burnt out. Have you seen a doctor about this situation? You could make an appointment, where you take your baby and talk about these postnatal concerns. Hopefully with some professional advice and with time, your baby will start to self-soothe.

This website could have some useful tips: https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/

Here is a page with links to state-specific parent helplines that you could call when you are frustrated and need to talk to someone: http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/hotlines.html

Feel free to explore the forum and read about the experiences of others.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

pipsy · ‎02-12-2016

Hi Jaynie_07. It can be ultra-stressful dealing with a 2 month old. Everyone knows everything, everyone offers sound, practical advice, don't hold her, hold her, feed her, don't feed her etc. I suffered something similar with my daughter (she is now in her late 40's), but when she was a baby, I could cheerfully have given her away, honest. I was lucky in that I lived with my hubby's family and my late MIL was a gem. To start with, I discovered I was a bundle of nerves holding her, would I accidentally drop her, would I accidentally smother her if I cuddled her. My MIL sat me down and handed me this new person who I was petrified of. I learned to whisper to her, I learned to hold her attention, I also learned the most valuable lesson. When you put her in her cot, make sure her room is well ventilated. Also play soft, soothing music. She may initially vomit, this is natural, gently clean her, talk to her. When she screams, let her, she needs to exercise her lungs, she can't talk. Put her on her side, making sure she can't suck fingers, or hurt herself. Do you have a musical 'mobile' above her cot. Activate this, check every 10 minutes, but keep the cot so you are not visible to her. I presume she has been checked to be sure she has no medical issues. Babies learn quickly how to get attention. You need to learn to control her rather than her control you. At the moment, she is calling the shots and she knows it. Above all enjoy your daughter.

Lynda