- Beyond Blue Forums
- Mental health conditions
- Depression
- Stay at home mum struggling
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
Stay at home mum struggling
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
I'm a stay at home mum living in a tiny community, my son is almost 2. I've never been quite happy here, the community is stifling,the only friendships I have are sugar coated, with no real substance. For a long time this has all been a bit too much and I feel like I'm drowning. I just want to sleep all day, even when I'm home alone with my son I would rather lay in bed than play with my beautiful boy. I snap at him a lot, and am always a grouch. I feel like a horrible mother. Sometimes I feel like crying for no reason, and this morning my partner decided he'd had enough of my distant moods and he questioned the safety of our son.
We have a gp in our town, but the problem is i used to work there and i know everyone. I'm so stuck and I feel so alone. My partner struggles to even feel his own emotions let alone understand mine. I need help, I need reassurance. I need someone to tell me I'm going to be ok and to shake me and tell me that I'm hurting my family. Because I can't dig myself out of this dark hole.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi kantok. Having depression is a medical condition, just like diabetes. I would encourage you to see the GP and get a thorough blood work up. Being low in iron ( common after having a bub) can cause symptoms of depression, even if nothing else is wrong. Ask for full iron studies. and thyroid check - also commonly effected after pregnancy. Eve if you don't fully disclose why you want this. I also encourage you to call your local mental health team- 1800 011 511 if you are in NSW. Most teams are 24hrs. And they can organise a psychiatric review if required. Depression is treatable and like diabetes can be managed with medication. Your family will thank you for looking after yourself and getting help. Take care.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Dear Kantok,
If you had a friend come over one morning a week to play with your kid and give you head space to lie in, take a long shower, talk about life in general whilst telling them where the nappies are and that his favourite toy accidentally got washed yesterday and is hanging on the line to dry then life would give you a breather for a sec. My sister in law went through pretty much the same thing and it took a long time for her to realise that trying to be the perfect mother (she's Italian) was killing her.
If your husband "questioned the safety of our son" then maybe he should also be questioning his own emotional intelligence and taking some paternity leave. Parents of a child under 2 are entitled to take up to 6 months. You mentioned your "son is almost 2"....................a small window of opportunity if your husband is serious about his concerns.
I know what you mean about knowing everyone at the gp. But, really, so what ? Next you'll be saying you can't shop for groceries, can't fill gas at the petrol station, can't return a DVD, can't get the letters out of the mail box.........it's pretty much the same thing. But it's all anxiety. And, let's face it, no one is that concerned who is at the gp, putting petrol in the car, returning "Fifty Shades of Grey" in a brown paper bag or how much mail you get - these are all things that YOU are concerned about so it's a bit of projection when you attribute the same angst to others. Face to face contact is not face to face combat. Might feel like that but it's just your post natal depression talking.
You're not hurting your family by experiencing these stresses. These are great times for learning some coping mechanisms cos rearing a child can really test you and your husband. Just tell your partner you feel like an "IKEA mum" at the moment and can he help put you back together with some understanding and less judgement ? And think of you as Sweedish...........
Adios, David.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
I love it, 'face to face contact is not face to face combat'. Thank you for your encouragement David.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Thank you all so much. This was the first time I was ever able to put my thoughts and emotions into words. Since writing the I plucked up the courage to tell my partner what I've been going through. We haven't spoken about it at length yet, but I can tell he's trying to understand what's going on. Im still anxious about seeing a gp, very anxious actually. I feel like a whining failure by doing so. And to be honest our gp doesn't have the best bedside manner so I've decided to look for one in the town closest to us, about an hour away.
Today was a bad day. I spent most of it in bed asleep while my partner looked after our son all day. I feel guilty, and indulgent. But I honestly couldn't muster the strength to even mutter two words to anyone. I hope tomorrow is better and Im able to fix this soon.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post