So upsetting...

[Albert_247]

My life has been pretty rough, I mean I was bullied all during high school from 13 to 18, I didn't like my father's difference entirely, my diagnosis mis conception happened at 19 and I've been kept on meds for the last 9 years. I'm beneath this image of having a disability when I don't agree with my diagnosis, It's too unique and unbelievable to explain to anyone so I'm treated as indenyl or lacking insight. The health issues were 22 & 25, Then I had no driving independence till 26 because I didn't have any parents to learn with, plus hated all my driving teachers. I only could drive through having Centrelink, I never could advance my life without having any sense for which suitable jobs I would want to work, I never had vacancies with so much immigration and competition with society and with fresh high school kids wanting jobs too. I never wanted to be a apprentice or go to University, even with a interest in Nutrition I'm just not the study personality. I only had help to write the resume & cover letters after going through useless job recruiters but they are not much guarantee to get anyone payed employment. I never had a new group of mateship after leaving high school and I've had no experience with girls as friends or even socially or on a intimate level. I'm complete incel unfortunately with me, but I wouldn't feel like un able to speak to them, unless their really attractive. I had a dream to become a hobbyist musician, though I just had all that with high school, my dad and my mental health drama to deal with, while not having women, work, and a regular life it all ruined my confidence to do it since 14. Don't feel like my parents are on that journey or understanding to chase dreams, they played life more passive and safe and their a whole different personality to me. Now I feel like I'm failing at life or like a ugly man child and everything always felt out of my control, or that thing's couldn't be better given the circumstance.

[smallwolf]

Focusing on your guitar practice and expressing yourself through rap poems is a fantastic way to channel your creativity. 

And you're absolutely right about the evolving nature of acceptance in the creative world. Sometimes, what might be laughed at initially can turn into something groundbreaking. Keep honing your craft, and who knows where it might lead?

And, YouTube is indeed an incredible resource for learning and refining skills. Whether it's editing, tutorials, or exploring new aspects of your artistic journey, there's a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips.

And you could look at it from the perspective that both activities are mindful ... they both keep you in the present rather then thinking about the past or future. You've got this.

[Albert_247]

I have low social, emotional and mental esteem when I'm dealing with personalities that I don't like or don't agree with. It's not attractive to women or for yourself, this will affect my confidence to be myself and to be successful if I'm weak with anything in life.

I have no financial income besides Centrelink DSP and I am not the personality to work a labour apprenticeship or interested in University, I am a rare INFJ - T personality which isn't suitable or the person for the corporate scene either at least that's what I've read about online that someone with my personality wouldn't like that line of work. I have no direction so I don't have ambition, I feel I'm supposed to have a marriage or a mortgage either now or soon but life's not going anywhere. I don't know where to meet girls I like physically and with chemistry and I am too under confident to meet and go after women.

I also have never had experience with women wither with intimacy or as social friends, so I'm socially and sexually at zero with women at 28 years old, I feel insecure and also about my looks, even though I've seen bad looking people with better confidence then myself 

I also have a mental health diagnosis of Schizophrenia, which is a huge deal breaker to many, but the thing is I don't actually have Schizophrenia, I made depressive mistakes a decade ago it's just a huge complicated thing that won't change from a second opinion. Even though I know I don't have that mental illness I can't convince anyone or win because my past only shows my mistakes and paints a bad image and their going based off the report files their given. How would I explain this diagnosis to anyone, and I can't lie about it forever, what if they find my medication, I don't want to admit to having a illness when I know I truly don't and I'm not being indenyl. 

[Albert_247]

I've dealt with so much unpleasant suffering. I was bullied mostly socially and physically too all during high school and then I had two toxic friends from 18 - 24 that would give me un wanted opinions & labels and they would over speak me and not value anything I thought or believed on the basis that I wasn't payed working. One of their mothers used to lecture me when I went over to the house and would call me a loser when I was just 19. I am getting Centrelink and she told me I am faking my situation and that if I wasn't cutting myself with a knife I don't deserve the government pension payments.

I am also wrongly diagnosed with Schizophrenia since 9 years ago because I made destructive, depressive, suicidal mistakes when I had deep infatuation with a girl I liked, while having no money, independence, direction, or girlfriend. I didn't believe my future would ever get better. That's why I am given the Centrelink because everyone thinks I'm actually Schizophrenic when I'm not. I'm still contemplating wither I care about life still now at 28. 

I've gone through all my twenties basically with not just no direction for the right suitable jobs but with no guaranteed opportunities, while being continuously enforced on pharmaceuticals since my late teenage years. To make it worse at 22 I was diagnosed with pre diabetes and three years later at 25 I was recommended to have a cholecystectomy and have my gallbladder removed.

I also have low social, emotional, mental esteem wither I'm dealing with my Dad too or just anyone in general that isn't friendly, affectionate, open minded. I am a INFJ - T personality type and I don't like most people because I consider them to be vain & too confident, Quite often people are too superficial or judgmental.

I don't want to be a tradie apprentice or pursue University, I don't believe I have the personality for the corporate sector and I will never have a pretentious, egotistical, self loving personality to follow through with any creative musician interests.

I've always felt American because I am a religious believer but more conservative and I don't see a diverse sociology in Australia, I don't see much culture here besides AFL and I don't feel Australian's are as reflective, abstract or curious.

[Albert_247]

My life has been overly crap for numerous reasons, If I look back on my life I wouldn't live it twice. My father was the only income providing parent working as a joiner in construction and my mother despite being loving and overly involved and understanding has been un employed since she was 37 now she's 66. 

My father was rather like a grandiose narcissist and had older generational toxic traits. He is secretive and doesn't tell his wife where he's going, when he leaves the house. He is vain and nothing like me, His extroverted, his not affectionate or considerate. His devious to what he really thinks about his son's but their very low opinions. He thinks were rather socially inept and nerds with no hope. He particularly try's to treat me as bipolar or in some as a disabled anger management character. He thinks were pale and weak. His always try'd to be the better intelligence either because his the bread winner or because he still try's to treat us as kids wither were 8 - 17 or 30. His sister Teresa is virtually just like him. I wouldn't call him my parent, His just a man behind the T.V. that keeps the bills payed and otherwise I don't like him. He can't be spoken to not just general conversation but to be confronted, He asserts social dominance and his comfortable to get physical if we persist. He makes everything out to be no worries you will be alright, He gave me bad 1980's advice to bash my school bullies or when I fell over that it was "good". He told me how in his days he would look for homosexuals to bash with his friends and growing up he was a sharpie and a delinquent.

Growing up and to this day we only had our mother's support, love, though she never wants to acknowledge my father's flaws and she gets angry when I try to talk about him to her. I never felt separation from my mother, which is partially good but mostly bad as you get older, we always went with her to different shopping complexes growing up. She comes with me to my doctor appointments and psychiatrist. She even comes with me to my job recruiter. She essentially does everything for us and my parents make it almost rebellious that I want to cook my own dinners or learn life skills like washing clothes or cutlery and doing the dishes and all that. So I never learn those skills entirely. They don't enforce it upon me to develop in life. It was always this thing of do it our way or do it on your own. 

When I was in my late teenage years I got infatuated with a girl that had recently just committed suicide, I also had no financial direction, independence or social life and all of that made me go depressive, destructive, insane and it ended up with me now being wrongly treated for Schizophrenia, I also got diabetes in my early twenties from the meds.

I've never had direction and I am 28 with the life of a dependent 17 year old. I never wanted to pursue a labor apprenticeship or had that academic mentality for University, I also am feeling under the pressure to pursue corporate jobs even when I know it's not for my personality, but without the intelligence or interest's for University there's no alternatives to earn money. I've never had friends I was only bullied during high school and surviving as a poser with nerdy bastard friends, I quit two of those friendship's since I was 23 and they have ruined me in certain ways. I have never known where to meet new people or generally leave the house. I only could afford my driving vehicle, license and lessons because I was fortunate to have Centrelink but I rarely drive and don't have sufficient confidence on the roads. 

I don't want a future of renting and throwing all my money on survival. I will never likely have the money for a mortgage, I don't want to live alone or with strangers and I hate the idea of mentally being beneath my dysfunctional vain father. Even so he keeps behind the T.V. it's a just a bad ideal scenario. I also have no experience with girls as friends, I lack confidence socially if their attractive and definitely on a intimate experience.

I also have such innocence as I've never been out in society all my life, and I have a real gentle, soft, introverted nature. I don't like talking to people and sometimes I might be a little chatty but I always feel very repressive and mute on most occasions. I just don't really like my generation and in other ways I do.

[Albert_247]

I consider myself a tragic loser, All my twenties have been absolute horrible. I have been wrongly diagnosed with mental health and treated for a decade and it's ( on going ) because I made depressive, suicidal, destructive mistakes. I had no independence, money, direction, relationship's. I was also a virgin and infatuated with a girl that died and it destroyed my thinking. I was diagnosed with diabetes at 22 and had to have my gallbladder taken from me at 25 too. I am looked under a diagnosis and as rather with a disability when I don't agree with the diagnosis. The doctors don't know my motives or personality for why things happened.

Prior that I was bullied all during high school from 13 - 18 socially & physically by numerous people and then I be friended two of them when I was forgiving and desperate for friendship's after I graduated and that lasted until 22 or 23. They ruined my psychological esteem because they always were not respecting me, giving me labels and negative un wanted opinions, comparing me to society's norms and undermining my feelings or beliefs because I wasn't working. They always would see themselves as superior, they didn't care about being friends and always made it optional, they were toxic bullies.

I never had my driving till I was 26 so that's awful too, and I had many issues with trying to achieve that involving other peoples limited beliefs in me. I haven't achieved anything in my life, because I never had a dream to be any career path from University and I was never the study type. I also never wanted to be a tradie or an apprentice. The corporate jobs are too social for me and seem like anguish to my INFJ - T personality. I don't want anything with potential heavy lifting. I've only had just a year of volunteer and it was just a job that was such out of my desires and I never enjoyed it. The only income I get because of my past issues is Centrelink DSP.

I've never had more then my hobbies, since I've never had new friends or known where to meet anyone that is right for me. I've never had female friends or a girlfriend and I'm now 28 which is so way behind.

I've only ever had my mother to talk to, and I would never have anyone unless I pay for a counselor to give me probably useless advice, That's why I'm dependent on Beyond Blue to change my perspective or say something to me. I have no one else to vent to and it just adds to my suffering.

[smallwolf]

I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's understandable that navigating personal, professional, and relationship aspects can be complex, especially with your unique circumstances and self-perception.

On relationships ... everyone's journey is unique, and societal timelines for milestones like marriage or homeownership are not one-size-fits-all. If you watch TV or movies, it might seem like things happen at certain times? Yet there are some people who find love later, and some don't. That also does not anyone lesser of a person.

And if finding direction and meeting like-minded individual then consider exploring activities or groups aligned with your interests. This can be a great way to build confidence and connect with people who share similar passions. If you are unable to do something like this in person, then perhaps online?

Take the time you need to work on your self-esteem and personal growth. It's never too late to explore new opportunities or relationships.

Take care.

[Albert_247]

I’m in a really bad situation at 28, my reason for being a man child is that I lacked ambition. I never mentally was applied to doing home work or school work when in high school. I was too young and not like other kids and during those days I was obsessed with playing video games. I had been bullied too everyday, many kids were being idiots during school classes and it all affected my concentration. Even my Dad was toxic at home giving us lectures and comments while struggling to fund us through private schooling. I was never a blokes man for heavy labour apprenticeship’s or the trades. I never knew what entry jobs I’d be suited for, and it’s always hard with limited opportunities and no experience after your mid twenties. I was too simple hearted to work towards wanting a big dream that’s probably un realistic anyway. I just never could forward my life when I’m blank with sense and no direction and I keep aging into nothing. I spent all my twenties asking Google questions and researching different things and I don't have that inner feeling that I'm going to try doing that or the next. I have some financial saving’s and regular driving and I’ve had just a year volunteering but I hated that job. There's virtually no way I can change my life when I don't feel enthusiastic about any corporate jobs and don't have the self motivation or passion to study.

[Albert_247]

I am 28 and I am at rock bottom in life, I have no further education since graduating high school ten years ago. I don't want to be a trades apprentice and I am not self motivated to achieve University. I only did VCAL so I would have to go through the TAFE system before even being hopefully eligible for University later. If I wanted to do so, and it's probably out from my abilities to achieve a bachelor degree. I have never had a payed entry level job either, which is the worst painful thing to mention. I have never known which jobs I would enjoy or want to do, I never knew what was right for my personality. I have only had one year of volunteer in something that I didn't enjoy. To make matters worse I have to live with pre diabetes and I've never had a girlfriend or women experience either, even as friends, not just with a lack of intimacy. I don't have the cooking skills of my mother and I always had the belief that most men hope that a wife would provide those benefits. 

[smallwolf]

I might have said previously, but my son is a swim teacher and he likes that. My daughter does that part time as well, but wants to get into event planning. It's never too late to explore new possibilities or discover your interests.

If corporate jobs don't appeal to you, maybe exploring unconventional paths. Your past doesn't define your future, and taking small steps can lead to positive changes. Focus on your strengths and passions, and don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Even when there is some barrier to you getting to your goal.... see if there is a way around it? Maybe don't think of "it" as finding a job, but this is what I am interested in  - whether video games or camping, or being outside or ... ?

Listening ...

[Albert_247]

I virtually want to commit suicide, I don't have a plan, but I have had enough with my life all together

I hate my father he's a selfish - vain person. He's not a affectionate person. His not socially involved in his children's lives, His devious and not a truthful person. He will keep a secret for his own reasons. He often thinks of me as useless or disabled, socially inept, generally frail & weak and pale. He tells me I'm a vampire. In the 1980's he was a sharpie and he told me he used to go and look for homosexuals to bash with his delinquent mates. He was given hundreds of thousands of inheritance from his father and his a Boomer and yet he would never do anything for anyone but himself. He may have molested me when I was younger, but he denies it and tells me if I told family or anyone he would be violent. I have always wanted my father to just die, I've been dependent on his financial payments but I don't actually love him or care for him. I only love my mother and my twin brother un conditionally. 

I was bullied all during high school from 13 all the way until I was 18, then I stayed in touch with two school friends who were a horrible experience and it wasn't until 23 when I quit on those toxic friendship's. They always gave me un wanted opinions and labels and they were bullies in different ways. They wouldn't respect me and undermine me or tell me what I believe on my behalf.

After that as I was coming out of high school from prior going through many years with my father and high school issues. I then developed this deep infatuated lust with this girl who I liked but she had later died from suicide. I was un happy with not having independence, money, or a girlfriend and I made depressive, destructive mistakes and it eventually got me wrongly diagnosed with Schizophrenia. In my early twenties I contracted diabetes at 22 and was recommended to have my gallbladder removed at 25, These meds have also contributed to stretch marks on my belly mostly.

I am 28 almost about to be 30 years old and I am a total loser at rock bottom with 1 year of volunteer and no payed work history. I am linked with a job recruiter with no direction for which jobs I want to do. I have no further University, interest or academic ability, I don't want to do a labour apprenticeship trades either. I am supposed to have a mortgage in my mind in my early thirties or sooner. I'm also still a virgin because I never knew where to meet girls I like and I am in the worst situation too.