Sad and Lost Enjoyment in Life....

[166]

This is my first time posting.
I have had depression on and off for many years. This year I think has been my worst. I struggle with keeping my 'sadness' under control and usually immerse myself in my work which has always helped. I like to be busy. This year though I think I have suffered 'burn out' and work has not been so enjoyable. I just don't seem to enjoy anything....work, food, friends, tv. I have confided in family and my Dr (all of whom are very supportive) but nothing seems to be 'working' for me.
Just feel a bit lost and like it will never be better.
I decided to let my bosses in on the fact that I thought I was doing too much and needed to not do so much.....this was a mistake and now they think I am 'not coping' and I feel like they are attaching stigma....always referring to my 'not coping'. I wish I had not said anything now as I feel like they will always think this now.
I feel like I have let myself down admitting it...was it wrong to be honest?
And will I get better? Advice on how to lift myself back up again when I am finding everything hard and just want to avoid life???

[TRese]

Hi 166,

Welcome to B.B, I’m new here too but thought I’d say hi and I’m sorry to hear that your going through a hard time.

I share the same enjoyment of immersing myself in work but have found it’s become increasingly harder and harder to find the joy in it, everything just feels like a task and a half.

It’s such a blessing to have the support of your family and GP during this time but sounds stressful to not have the same support in the workplace.

I don’t think your wrong for being honest about your wellbeing with your boss. Its tough when others aren’t able to understand or be supportive when you open up and share what your experiencing (which may stem from their lack of knowledge on how to be supportive but nevertheless, it’s still hard).

I’m not sure if this helps, but in the very least I just wanted to say welcome and hi.

[166]

Thankyou for replying so quickly. It's nice to hear from people who understand and know the feelings that I am experiencing. I am just so disappointed in my workplace. But I need to probably not focus on that and instead look at what I need to do to heal and find enjoyment in things again....I wish there was a quick fix to feeling happy more often than sad.

[TRese]

I know how I felt posting for the first time then having someone message back.

Do you feel like may be some of the disappointment comes from knowing that you’ve worked so hard, but then the level of support doesn’t seem to acknowledge (or reciprocate) your efforts.

I wish that too, feels like a long and rocky journey at times.

[166]

It totally feels like that. Like a big 'slap in the face'. I was so disappointed in their response and lack of support that I wish I had not said anything....and just kept plodding along. I'm sure I need a break from doing 'everything' though. And I have to be 'kind to myself' as someone said....but that is not what I'm used to! I just feel like I have to earn their 'respect' again which isn't how it should be.....super disappointed...

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

Hi 166, i just wanted to say I totally hear you, I'm going through a similar situation myself. While I don't have answers as such, i was going to maybe look into volunteering? I volunteer with the RSPCA, so being surrounded by animals (and humans) I find is quite calming, especially walking the dogs in the shelter. I talk to them, tell them stories and I like to think they're listening, even if they may not fully understand. Plus, you're outside in the fresh air, which I find helps as well, especially if you're stuck inside with an office job. I find the volunteering rewarding, like I have a purpose. Of course you need to be an animal lover, which if you're not then the RSPCA won't be for you, but maybe gardening? Or something that does interest and you are passionate about, even if you're not feeling the passion at the moment.

Good luck!

[166]

That is such a great idea Unicorn Sparkles. I absolutely love animals. Volunteering at the RSPCA or a dog shelter is really resonating with me right now. I have said before I would love to set up a dog therapy centre but know it would need money. I love the idea of volunteering....I am going to look into that straight away. Thank you!

[Unicorn_Sparkles]

That's wonderful news! I am so happy and hopeful for you. While it may not cure the sadness, so to speak, but I hope you'll find it just as rewarding as I do ❤ I'd love to know how things go!

[Sunshine_11]

Hi 166,

Regarding your work, maybe they are trying to be supportive, but they likely don't know how to. If you are a proud person as I am, I know I would hate to have something like that discussed casually. However in my workplace a manager was not coping well with the stress, and went on antidepressants and openly talked about it.

No one really saw him any less. Because he felt comfortable to talk about it, people actually admired his courage. So people could be saying the same thing about you, since you opened up about it, so you never know.

Have you thought about taking some classes? I know when I did an art class once per week, that gave me a really creative outlet which I needed.

[166]

You could be right. I think I am quite sensitive about my depression and have always hidden it....very well. This is as you say from being a very proud person too. It took all my strength to say I needed to step back from all I was doing and in some respects I feel defeated in admitting that....I hate to think they are talking about it. In immersing myself in work over the years I have forgotten about what interests me so I like your idea of classes.....I just have to think of what! Taking this time to think about myself and what I might enjoy again feels strange.