Dear Lauren
Thank you for your post and for trusting us with your thoughts. A warm welcome to the Beyond Blue community. I hope we can help you.
In some ways I can relate to your difficulty. I think anger can be part of depression or any other mental illness but not being an expert I realise I could be well off the mark.
Has your psychologist discussed why you are angry? Please understand that although people here ask questions there is absolutely no obligation to answer them. What I was wondering is if you and your psych had come to any conclusions about your anger and if it was helping to know.
My situation is different. I do get angry and upset but it all becomes an emotional roller coaster, very distressing. I am learning how to react with my head and not rush into an emotional storm. Not sure which is the most difficult to manage, or most uncomfortable.
However, this is not a competition. Either way, it's very hard work as Cymru has commented. Mindfulness is great. I am a fan of this and also meditation. Both ways are simple processes but definitely not easy. It's not so much mastering the technique but of continuing even when it seems useless. As far as meditation is concerned, it is the journey that counts, not the destination. I bet you have heard that before.
I meditated for many years, then one day I stopped. No real idea why. When I came back to it I found the whole process incredibly difficult to restart, much like you with mindfulness. Once the routine had been broken and other activities were in place my procrastinating mind took over. You cannot meditate now, you need to answer posts on BB (smile). Do you find yourself making excuses for not practising mindfulness?
All I can really say is, if mindfulness helps you to manage your thoughts and your life, then stay with it. No matter how hard it gets, remember you are exercising that particular muscle which has become sluggish for lack of use. It will get strong again, but only after lots of exercise and that is where we get lazy. I always want things to happen yesterday, at the latest today, but of course it never happens.
It's only after a struggle that we get where we need to be and although I hate the journey in many ways, it is necessary.
Have you read much on mindfulness? I have a number of books on the topic. If you have not read much I will give the titles of some good books.
Regards
Mary
