Relapse Fears

[Penryn]

Hi My name is Emily. I had my depression episode in 2015. It is now 2018 and it's been almost 3 years since my last episode. My fear of relapsing is eating away at me :

Everyday is rooted in control. If I'm in control I won't relapse.

I watched over my tv limit today, it is racking me with paranoia. It makes me physically sick to think I could relapse into depression . I shouldn't have watched more than my limit but always being in control it's exhausting #Phobia
I am just so terrified, if I relax, even for just a few hours, I'll relapse.

I am over being afraid, I just want to live life without being controlled by this fear

[MsPurple]

Hi Penryn and welcome to the bb forums

I know the thought of replase into depression can be scary.

I now like to think of mental health the way Stephen Fry thinks of it. (if you want to hear him say it, it is in his doco 'my secret life of a manic depressive' which is on youtube) He looks at mental health like the whether. I can be clear one day, rainy another and stormy for a few days. IT is normal to have a few rainy days but when it is storming all the time then something is wrong. You can't ignore it because it is happening. NOw that can sound a bit gloom but with help you learn how to prepare for all whether conditions. So if it has been sunny all the time than when it starts to rain again you now know what to look out for (clouds for example) and you can prepare for it. Can get an umbrella for it..

What I'm try to say is if you feel a relapse coming you can prepare for it. Go see your doctor, go back and see a psychologist and get the help you need so the replase (if it becomes full blown) isn't as bad as it could be if you just waited for it.

Sorry I may not be the best at wording it like Stephen Fry. BUt I found it really helpful

[baet123]

Hey Emily,

Welcome to the forums and it is great to have you here. Thank you for sharing your situation with us. Expressing your thoughts and emotions to others is an extremely tough thing to do and I can tell your extremely brave and courageous and these are wonderful qualities you possess.

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing a great deal of fear from the possibility of relapsing, however, it is extremely encouraging that you had an episode of depression three (3) years ago and got through it. That is amazing.

Fear of relapse is a common phenomenon not just for people who have dealt with mental health conditions but also for people experiencing drug and alcohol and weight management problems just to name a few. We are wired to an extent to more often than not think negatively and be pessimistic. Positive thoughts and knowing that you have beaten depression before and will beat it again (if it does show its face on your doorstep) is really important. Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes in my opinion and knowing and telling yourself that you are in control and you control your own destiny is really important, albeit extremely difficult at times to do so.

May I ask if you have sought out the advice from health professionals regarding you current thoughts and emotions? Maybe this is an option you should consider. When you experienced depression during 2015, did you see consult any health professionals? You don't have to answer if your not comfortable doing so but speaking to a health professional about your concerns would be extremely beneficial.

I feel for you and I know what it is like to have that constant fear of relapse always in your mind, however, it will get better and these thoughts are only temporary. I think it may be a good idea to continue posting on the forums and learning from others experiences and consulting your GP or a psychologist and just talking about your thoughts, emotions and genuine concerns.

Hope this helped and I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Nick.

[geoff]

Hello Penryn, I hope you are still checking your thread because it's an interesting one, but once you've had depression doesn’t mean you will return to the same place every time your thoughts go downwards, but I know where you are coming from.

You have to rely on the strength and help that got you out of this before, because everyone has bad days and no one can be happy all the time, but what concerns me is your obsessive thinking which are thoughts that keep on recurring.

No one can guarantee that you'll never feel unwell again, and there are steps to prevent a relapse, know your warning signs, taking action, and seeking help when it's needed.

The best time to do this is when you're well, but that's the time when you may think, why, I feel OK, so not only you but others as well, believe there is no reason to seek help, however, a lot can be said to our counsellor, this that have not been raised before.

Hope you're still with us and if so it would be good to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Emily

I hear your fear and relate to your concern. I don't know if the analogy will help but here goes...

I found depression to bit a bit like a tsunami; it's like a massive overwhelming wave. It can be fearful and incredibly powerful, pulling us under. Once we have experienced it, we can find our self in moments where we are standing on the shore, dreading another (episode), seeing every distant wave as a possible approaching threat.

Personally, I was caught in my tsunami for 15 years before it finally came to an end. For me, the waters ebbed not long after my 13yo son was born. Since then, there have been little waves and the odd big ones (which are very rare), yet none I would put on the scale of tsunami.

Learning to both read and ride the waves that come in is a skill. Reading their potential and their power means we are able to manage how we ride them. This leads me to wonder what management skill set you have developed. For example: When these particular thoughts I have come rolling in, how do I make sense of them in order to get on top of them. Another thought - When the chemistry in my brain is out of healthy balance, what methods can I use to bring things back into balance.

Managing the waves can be a little like becoming a pro surfer. By the way, those surfer guys and gals don't just get out there into the water, with their fingers crossed hoping not to drown, they always have a plan which relates to their skill set and experience.

Not sure if it helps but perhaps instead of standing on the shoreline living in a constant state of fear, you invest your time and energy into learning how to surf the (psychological) waves. Seeing 'control' is defined as 'effective management', leaning how to effectively manage our thoughts is what often keeps us in control.

After all this I should add, yes, I still fear the possibility of a tsunami (after all these years) but in the back of my mind I have my emergency plan to 'get to higher ground'. Reaching out for help and guidance will forever remain a part of my skill set, in effective management.

Take care of yourself Emily