Really struggling to feel good.

[Andy999]

So I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression a lot lately and could really use some advice.

ill try keep this as short as I can but I think I’d feel better getting it out there rather than keeping it all trapped in my head.

it started when I was 17/18 (I’m now 23) I had taken an ecstasy pill and had a bad come down and it triggered the anxiety, I struggled through that for a few years, I saw a psychologist and did learn some techniques to help cope but I wouldn’t say it was a massive success, over time it would slowly improve had my ups and downs but started to feel really good eventually, got myself a proper full time job and was barely affected by my anxiety, lived a pretty normal life which was awesome but recently it all started crashing down and it hit me hard, I’ve slumped into a depressive state and I’m not sure what to do, I’m always on edge feeling agitated, when I’m out of the house I just wanna go home, I don’t even want to be around my friends which is completely new for me, it’s like an all day 24 hour thing I just feel down and out like I’m stuck in some bubble, but at the same time mind racing 1 millions miles an hour I can’t concentrate It hurts my head trying to converse with someone, its hard to explain but I just don’t feel good at all.

For me my anxiety and depression is about my anxiety and depression if that makes any sense? It’s not about work, fitting In etc.

thinking about trying some sort of anti depressants because it really does feel like some sort of chemical imbalance but yeh not sure if that’s the right thing to do.

thanks, hope to hear back from someone soon

[smallwolf]

Hi Andy999,

welcome to beyond blue.

how did it feel to get your thoughts onto paper?

my understanding of your situation is that you had previously seen a psychologist for anxiety and now you having a relapse (?) and depression. When you saw the psychologist you found some coping techniques that worked out over time? Can you remember any of the coping tricks you were shown?

I cannot comment about the chemical imbalance - that is the something only a GP or psychiatrist can prescribe.

And I think I can understand what you are saying when you mention about anxiety about depression etc. Am I correct that you are concerned that you will go back into a state where you have previously been? And that hard to explain feeling... there are days when I have been like that - where it is hard to explain what it is that is getting you down, but you have that empty feeling or whatever

What happened when things started crashing down? I find that when I can understand what has happened I am able to find a way around the problem. Not sure what works for you. Do you think you might be able to have a chat with your GP about this?

Know that in this space the people will support you as you start this new journey. We all have our own ways of coping. Perhaps you could look at the threads here on mindfulness or grounding. I am listening to you,

Tim

[Andy999]

Hey mate, really means a lot to get a reply.

it did help a little, yes that is the situation at the moment, I found ‘not chasing the thought’ or like distracting myself worked best, I found whenever I was having a moment while I was feeling good if I used that technique it worked most times, but I find when you get so lost in your head like I am at the moment it can be a bit harder to use these techniques.

yeh that would be my biggest concern or feeling even worse then I once was, I definitely had some really bad times but the way I’m currently feeling is nothing like I’ve felt before, i see people in person or on tv it just reminds me that I’m ‘depressed’ and not like them or even when I am having a conversation with someone or making a joke I remind myself the same, it makes me not want to be around anyone or out being social, it’s really not like me at all.

well it happened out of nowhere really, I went out drinking on a Saturday night with friends and for some reason I felt off or not myself on the Monday and I think I got caught in my head to much and it has just escalated a heap.

[Alana_H]

Hey Andy,

It sounds like a rough time right now, sometimes with anxiety/depression relapse it can be really hard because there is the baggage from the last time, but it can also be good to remember that (although this is different) you got through it last time as well.

It sounds like you have a lot of insight into whats going on for you at the moment, it must be frustrating to see whats happening but not be able to stop it. Depression can defiantly "taint" what we're experiencing, that's why it can be so tricky to get out of this negative loop even if we can see we're in it. Is there anything that does still help distract you still? Have you tried mindfulness (not for everyone but can help with that buzzing head) https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app? 

I definitely don't think a trip to the GP would hurt, sometimes antidepressants can help if we're stuck in a loop, but they work best if you also see a psychologist/counsellor too. I know you said it wasn't great last time, but I think that psychologists can be really different, some I've seen have not been on my wave length AT ALL, but then I found a great one who really gave me new ways of dealing with things.

Feel free to jump back on this forum to let us know how you're travelling. If you feel you need to talk to someone the beyondblue helpline is 24/7 on 1300 22 4636.

Alana_H

[Andy999]

Hey thanks for replying! Yeeh it really does suck, it’s like a 24/7 fight with yourself to not fall into that black hole, it’s so draining.

yeeh it is frustrating because I know what happening and I can’t just snap out of it, nothing just changed in my life from a couple months ago to now so why can’t i feel good like I was before? All it is is that I’m getting negative thoughts and I can’t get away from them which is bringing down this clowd over my head.

i play a lot of sports and have I’m pretty social so have a heap of friends and usually seeing them or just keeping myself busy tends to help but the feelings and thoughts are still always there, I played I soccer game a couple nights ago played a really good game to haha but the whole time I had the cloud over my head and kept being reminded ‘I’m depressed’

i ended up seeing my gp had a little chat he said he thinks I’ll be okay but I wasn’t so easily convinced, I think my biggest fear is this is it for me, stuck in the struggle day in day out for the rest of my life, either that or I worry it will become so unbearable I won’t want to be here anymore.

[Alana_H]

Hey Andy,

How are things gong this week? It's great you went to a GP, I'm sorry they didn't listen to you, not all GP's really understand mental illness. Did you get a mental health plan?

It's good you're going to soccer, do you think that it helped despite the cloud over your head? I think sports can be the best way of being mindful, because you can distract yourself for even a minute (I also play soccer and love it!).

Depression can be so frustrating when you feel like nothing should be causing it. I think we all have natural fluctuations in mood that can sometimes get out of hand, and the best way we can deal with them is through learning coping skills. Have you been trying any of the CBT techniques you learnt previously? You seem like you are really good at identifying those unhelpful thoughts, but have you had any luck trying to "change the thought". Sometimes I find that writing my depressed thoughts out in a thought diary (https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf) really helpful. It kind of makes me look at my life from the view of a detective, it can also help through behaviour rehearsal , as in the more you practice changing a thought the better you brain gets at it. Although I would say these things are more successful with a psych, so I'd definitely still push for the mental health plan.

Let me know what you think of that thought diary (and good luck at soccer! is your session nearly over?)

Alana_H