Dealing with depression in everyday circumstances and strong episodes

[T_D]

Hi,

I have had anxiety for as long as I remember so I have become quite used to coping with it, but I was recently also diagnosed with depression too. I honestly have no idea how to cope with depression so when I get to a really bad place I just turn to the people around me to help me. I have found that no matter how well-intended they are, none of these people know what to say and so often respond with something along the lines of 'don't feel that way' or 'stop thinking like that' and I'm only comfortable talking to very few people because I don't want to scare people or be judged.

I struggled a lot with the decision to post this because I often feel like I don't have a right to be depressed because I don't have any significant issues in my life at the moment to have triggered it. But, my mind is constantly filled with a cloud of pain that makes me upset, frustrated, isolated, etc. I can't seem to escape it and it's almost like a weight is constantly pressing down on me.

I was just wondering if anybody has been through similar or has any tips on how to deal with depression with the constant everyday weight it puts on you as well as the individual episodes when it is particularly hard to cope with and emotions are heightened even more. I would really appreciate some help.

Thanks, T

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I certainly understand that isolation you are going through. The reality is, our friends and family that do not have any mental illness do not understand and if they try they often still don't "get it" but are at least trying.

I've selected a few threads below that will answer your questions fully.

Use google and read the first post

Beyondblue topic they just wont understand- why?

Beyondblue topic triggers that down you, triggers that lift you

I'm BP2, and I have many triggers often. So I suppose learning to live with them is better than fighting them.

I hope you find this forum friendly and supportive.

Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[T_D]

Hi,

Thanks for the thread recommendations, I read through them and they helped. It's definatly important to pay more attention to the people I have been relying on because I think I have been quite caught up in my struggle which makes it easy to forget that other people aren't always going to be perfect because they don't understand what I'm going through and I shouldn't expect them to be.

The tricky thing about triggers with me is that my depression is so hypersensitive to the tiniest things so it's really unavoidable at the moment, meaning learning to live with it would be great. Do you have any tips on how to live with triggers? Lately my anxiety and depression have combined to create episodes of crying, shaking and not being able to breath over things as small as fighting with my sister over not leaving the keys in the right place which is mainly because I currently can't handle any conflict or instability. This is obviously an overreaction and I can see that now, but in the moment the feelings become incredibly overwhelming. What do you do after being triggered to regain some perspective or calmness in the moment?

[white knight]

Hi TD

Can I say, I do know exactly your dilemma.

Triggers...highly sensitive minds, stable one minute upset the next. There is good and bad news.

The bad news is, it wont likely go away although correct medication can have a positive effect. Of course talk to your professional medical person.

The good news is that as time goes by you do become more expert in how to distract yourself away from the effects of the triggers.

Living with other people magnifies the triggers especially siblings/parents. The hard part is separating normal sibling annoyances with bipolar reactions. I'd suggest a sister not returning keys to their rightful place and getting annoyed is quite normal. So, moving on, a future plan of moving out might be something you'll consider, followed by balanced visits. That can be more effective.

Prospective partners- more important to have a very supportive, kind person with empathy. Im lucky, my wife has depression so we comfort each other.

Then there is the worry problem. Worry gives you ulcers, nothing more.

Google

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Again, there is a balance of being concerned and worry over your illness including triggers.

Criticism - you'll cop it from those that dont understand your reactions. By all means apologize where appropriate but some want more or show anger...even bullying

Beyondblue topic so what are their mental illnesses

By far the best rules I developed was protection from toxic people. Essentially placing barriers in between you and people.

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

These procedures of not trusting people immediately is insurance that many of us didnt learn while in our teenage years. Add to that extra sensitivity.

Distraction- test yourself. If you are doing project, say a hobby. At the end of it ask yourself how much you thought about your problems. So keeping busy is a mega asset. Acceptance of your condition comes over time usually many years but in the end the swing from hypo mania to depression will quell. Then they'll be the best part- loving yourself.

So you've now gone through the -why me? Stuff, learned how to screen people through filters, quellef your symptoms through medication and keep your distance just a little from some so your relationship doesn't get too damaged. You've accepted you are a unique and good person.

Go and love yourself. So, you have a MI. Some are gamblers, alcoholics, narcissistic etc. None are perfect.

TonyWK

[T_D]

Hi TonyWK,

Thanks a lot for the advice, it's very helpful. After reading this I've done some research on bipolar disorder as I although I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, it seems to better discribe the lows and frenzies I experience so I will definatly discuss that with my psychiatrist.

I think distraction is definatly important as it can really get my mind off things to get to a more stable headspace, and even if it is only temporary, it can be really grounding which is great. Through my experiences those I've sorrounded myself with have absolutly affected my headspace so I will definatly take the screening on board as it really makes no sense to be around people who constantly push you off the edge. Things will hopefully get better soon as I am just starting medication.

These forums have definatly helped me with the acceptance side of things because they give you a real sense of community support and not being alone, which is much appreciated.