Reaching out, do you feel like you can't?

[KaraArtist]

Do you ever feel like you can't reach out to friends and family because you're having another episode and it's the same as the last one you had and the one before that? I am sitting here trying to make my brain focus on work but I am screaming inside,I am desperate to talk to somebody but I feel like I will just be saying the same things I always say. I know it will pass but I feel so alone in this.

I have Schizoaffective disorder and that means I have mild hallucinations, mild delusions and Depression. Today there is a nagging beeping I can't find, points of light (I think I am also getting a migraine) depression and a sense of detachment from reality. How can I tell my loved ones these things without them shutting down? I am rambling, I guess I just want to see if anyone is around to listen to my madness or share in it.

[KaraArtist]

Welcome Cucuboth. It's been a wild month I apologise for taking so long to reply.

I would refer you to my reply to FoxyLass. It sound's as if you too are surrounded by toxic people or people who might mean well but just make it all worse. I have found the hardest thing I ever had to do was walk away from my family. There was a big risk there that I would no longer have any of them in my life and that was not something I wanted. BUT if I was to find my path and the road to better health I had to take the leap. I have been leaping into the void ever since and do you know what I found there? A partner who loves me even when I loose my mind, a handful of family members who realised that I am a human being and I am not going to let them crush me anymore, Friends who don't look at me like I am crazy if they see me break down and a business opportunity that has seen me stop working for others and work for myself. That last one is very important for me as I have never been able to find a workplace that supported people like me living with this dark passenger.

I am far from 'cured', there are still days that I wonder if I will make it through, but my quality of life is so much better. When I fall apart now it's not all devouring, I have room to let the darkness take hold, feel it, deal with it and get back up again without the pressures of others crushing me deeper into it.

i don't know if this helps but I hope to get a discussion going