*NOTHING CHANGES IF nothing changes*

[RandR]

If was almost 2 years ago. At the time life felt grand. I was popular, out at least 2-3 times a week, was known as the social butterfly and was a friend of everyone but in reality, a friend of no one.

You could say I've always been an extrovert, confident, happy to approach the unknown and always the 'YES' man in most situations. The reality of being this person over many years and almost like being on 'repeat' was that I thought I had many caring friends around me when in reality all I had were people using me for an excuse to go out, get drunk and for the most part, get high off drugs. Especially when you were the financier for every outing. I felt at the time that by going out and meeting new networks that my depression was in check and I that I was in control and accepted by society. The awful truth though was that every time I got home after a big night I constantly had a thundering and abrupt visit by that person you might be familiar with known as 'depression'.

Whenever depression came late at night and tapped me on the shoulder, the feeling was cold, sharp and straight to the heart. Sound nullified, as did any good feeling I had throughout the night and that feeling that I was 'wanted' by someone, anyone. I was in this constant routine until one night when I had a hard reality check. My minute I remember having to go the toilet and the next minute I woke up in the back of an ambulance with no memory. 16 hours of straight drinking and drugs with no food took its toll. I was scared, panicked and felt all alone.

I remembered Albert Einsteins definition of insanity: 'Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It was time for things to change and more importantly, for me to make and action changes.

I stopped going out for drinks and instead went out for weekend breakfasts with friends who I had known for a long time and were always there and vice versa, I changed my mobile number and stopped contacting the 'party crowd'. I substituted going out for drinks and alcohol with learning MMA and Brazilian Jui-Jitsu and eating healthy food 5-10 times a week and started watching TedTalks and further enhancing my mind. I also started guitar up again and focused on my career. I also became somewhat of a hermit crab and didn't go out for drinks for 8 months.

Fast forward and for 2 years since changing my ways I have not been depressed since and have never been happier.

I hope this helps and thank you for reading.

R&R.

[blondguy]

Hi R&R

What an inspirational post.

You have great courage to have come so far and now helping so many with your post.

You are fortunate to have found a natural way out of a dark place. This is rare however invaluable as it provides others with hope where their traditional methods are exhausted and have nowhere else to go.

Kudos to you R&R

Paul

[JessF]

Hello R&R, makign changes in life is very difficult, especially when you're set in your ways after many years of doing it (I won't disclose my age, but suffice it to say I'm no spring chicken!)

I don't believe in the 'law of attraction', that good things and bad things mystically come to you just by thinking about them, but I do believe that our behaviours and actions have an effect on our lives and can make things better or worse. Drink and drugs are an appealing escape when depressed because they are a quick fix, and once you go down that road you are attracted to spending time with people who also enjoy that escape, and before you know it you have a self-sealing world of friends that reinforce behaviour that is actually making you worse.

Changing your friendship circle must have been difficult, but the idea of lookign to the people in your life who were leading lives that were more in line with where you wanted to be, and seeking to spend more time with them was a sound one. Sometimes I think we can envy and resent our friends from afar rather than seeking to learn from their strengths.

[Starwolf]

Thank you so much for sharing those inspiring thoughts. You are a brave soul...

Making change happen demands courage and determination. When mental illness is intent on dragging us backwards, moving against the current requires the instinctive grit of a salmon !

But I'm totally with you, if change is at all possible, it doesn't just happen. Even if our lot can't be improved by much, we can make adjustments to reclaim some measure of control and quality of Life. But we can't implement practical adjustments without shifting our perspective first.

I too am one of the lucky ones who has turned the tables and emerged from the emotional rubble. Being stubborn as a mule, defiant, often scared shitless and excessively angry did help. But I had to learn how to use those potentially destructive emotions instead of being controlled by them. I needed to learn that even self-loathing and shame can become a strong motivation for change.

Without saying that mental illness is the best thing that ever happened to me, I can see that without the constant struggle and distress I may well have become complacent, take Life and my lot for granted. Sure, it may be impossible to become who we wish to be but we can work on being the best person we can be.

Thank you again for spreading hope around.

[Quercus]

Hi RnR,

There is a good reason that Starwolf has given you thanks on the 'pearls' thread today. Your post is inspirational GOLD!

It is easy to just potter along and accept we feel like crap without doing anything to actually change the situation we are in. Getting better is hard work! Looking at our lives and accepting what changes we need to make and then actually making those changes is exceptionally hard work.

You've done something to be truly proud of not only by helping yourself but by going out of your way to help others. Inspiring us all to take ownership of our problems.

I read a book once that said sometimes we look at the story of our lives and realise we are living a crap story. But to live a better story means taking a good look in the mirror, investing in ourselves and being willing to make changes.

Thanks RnR this is a really helpful thread.

[quirkywords]

R & R

Thanks for your honest and thoughtful post.

You made some very big changes but also the message is you need to change if things aren't working. Sometimes just a small change can help. People are often afraid that all changes must be big to work but small step can work as well.

Thanks again for sharing your experience

Quirky

[RandR]

@blondguy Thank you for your reply. Darkness can teach you a lot.

@JessF I completely agree that our behaviour and actions have a massive effect. Changing friendship circles was difficult but I felt and still feel that it was necessary. Thank you. - 'Self-sealing' world. I like that.

@Starwolf 'grit of a salmon' - love that reference. Thank you for your reply and fantastic to hear that you too were able to turn around the tables.

@Quercus Thank you for your reply. What was the name of the book you make mention of?

@quirkywords Thank you for your reply. From little things big things grow 🙂

[Just Sara]

I'm still in the 'changing' stage of my journey; I think I've always been there tbh.

It's interesting when we write or read a summary of events on BB, a few paragraphs can describe yrs of grind. My story has been told many times on here, I guess acknowledging success as a series of positive outcomes is nicer than talking about that unmentionable pain along the way.

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that hurt though, we shed our skins and expose the truth between the lines. What I like about your story, is guts and determination that complemented the commitment to yourself.

Turning around the 'Yes' man habit on its own must've been a huge ordeal mentally. Then to challenge and make lifestyle changes forcing you to start again? Sigh...

I acknowledge and validate your story (and mine) as one so much more than mere words can express.

Kind thoughts;

Sara

[RandR]

@Just Sara

Thank you for your post and kind words of acknowledgement but more importantly, understanding.

Years of grind is a very accurate way of putting it. And I can say with great assurance that mentally it was quite an ordeal to turn around the 'yes' man.

Thanks again and look forward to speaking with you again.

PS - Like all journeys, there are multiple destinations along the way 🙂 I look forward to supporting you through yours if I can 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi RnR,

The book is "The real Manhood" by Steve Biddulph. In the chapter called meaning. I am loving this book.

Sara: I'm with you there. Am only now at the making changes point too. But isn't it funny how every little change is worthwhile.