feeling lost and alone

[muffinxo]

This is my first time posting in the forum so I'm not quite sure how this works exactly. I suffer from bipolar mood disorder, depression and anxiety. I feel that over the last couple of months I've been on a downward spiral, particularly in the last week. I am constantly exhausted, have no motivation to do anything and just feel all around hopeless. My studies are suffering because of this and I just feel worn down.
I don't like asking for help or talking about how bad things really are right now because I feel like people will think I'm overreacting. I feel like I have no one to talk to. Everyone has their own lives to worry about and I don't want to bother anyone or feel like a burden to others.

- Teagan

[bookisharrow412]

It's my first time posting too. I'm in pretty much the same place.

I feel pretty miserable and lonely. I don't tell my friends about what I'm going through because I'm worried I'm wasting their time. The last month's been hard - I've been feeling increasingly socially isolated and awkward. I can't bring myself to work like I used to because of how crap I've been feeling, and that in and of itself just makes me feel worse. Honestly I sometimes don't even know if I have any friends, but that's more during the 'down' periods of my mood swings. I used to be confident and high-achieving, and now I'm insecure about everything. I overthink everything. I try to not hate myself, but it's hard to not blame me for being overemotional and sensitive.

I guess it's nice to know that someone else knows how that feels. Everyone seems so happy, or at least, normal, I don't know how they pull it off.

[white knight]

Hi Teagan, welcome

You posted fine. I have bipolar 2, depression and anxiety (have overvome the anxiety).

I know how you feel. I assume you are on meds. It took me a long time to fine tune your meds to be just right. If you feel lacking energy ask the doctor to tweek the dosages?

Your illnesses might make you feel fragile. The up and down moods and depression will mean you are quite unique so others wont understand you much at all. Your illnesses are serious and therefore you need to consider all options when making lifes decisions.

There is a thread here called "my bipolar life" seek it out and do some reading.

Although serious conditions you'll eventually get your dosages right and become more positive.

Here are just a few threads to read. Just the first post if you want. Use google

Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue

Topic: meditation is a whirlpool- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: do we expect a smooth road in life?- beyondblue

Topic: they just wont understand why? - beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: anxiety, how people view you- beyondblue

Topic: anxiety, how I eliminated it- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: what life can be like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Topic: depression and concentration- beyondblue

Post anytime.

Tony WK

[muffinxo]

I have a few friends that know about my diagnosis but I don't go into depths with how I'm feeling or updating them on things that are going on, so I often wonder do they even really count as friends? I do however have one friend who I spend time with on a regular basis. She understands that sometimes I can't leave the house so she will just come over and sit and watch tv and make sure I'm not by myself all the time, but again, she has a small child and a partner so she has her own life to worry about and I don't want to constantly be going to her for every little thing.

I've found that I get particularly angry and frustrated when people say 'I know how you feel', so I often think why bother talking about how I'm feeling or mentioning it to people when they really have no idea what this feels like at all. I know most people are just trying to be helpful, but it's really not at all helpful, it just makes me upset.

I find that lately when I do venture out of the house I try to act as 'normal' as possible, but a few family members and people that I see on a regular basis are starting to see through this and comment on how exhausted I look. I feel like the 'I didn't sleep very well last night' reasoning is not really working anymore.

[gld]

Hi muffinxo,

I feel concerned when you mentioned you're on a downward spiral as this could become too overwhelming for you. Could you make an appointment with your doctor to talk to them about what is going on for you at present. Beyondblue are very supportive if you feel like you need to chat to someone when things get a little too much, you could contact them on 1300 22 4636 [24/7] or chat online from 3pm to 12pm [7days].

Congratulations to you for taking yourself out of your comfortable zone and taking steps to improve your well being by visiting family/friends as well as letting a good friend support you at home. Finding supports and things that improve your own mental well being is very important. Look towards activities that give you enjoyment, it might be as simple as finding a quiet spot and reading a book or going for a walk.

When you talk about, "normal" i feel it is word that has many variables and could place extra pressure on you that you could avoid at the moment. My normal and your normal are completely different and there is no rule written that you have to live in someone else's normal. Working towards a place where you feel at ease could take some time after you have been unwell.

Is there a person you could go and see to talk about your studies as they could be able to help.

Be kind to yourself and find the supports that you deserve.

[Haether]

Hi - I don't know where you are studying, but universities have disability officers who are there to help minimise the effect of illnesses on study - and if it's impacting your study it counts, they will have a form that a GP fills out specifying the impact of your mental illness on study. I know that it doesn't help improve your concentration or ability to study, but it can relieve failing grades, organise retrospective withdrawals etc.. I know that we'd rather not need to need that service, but keep it in mind.

[gld]

Hi muffinxo,

I feel i could not even imagine how it impacts you when you are not traveling the best but by your post you are aware when you are not well. This puts you one step ahead of other people out there and by your post you are aware when you are in a better place for yourself. There is no overreacting when you are not feeling well and Beyondblue is contactable for a chat 24/7 if you feel you are unable to talk to friends.

Love to hear how you are going as i was concerned about your first post. I hope you were able to find supports to help you with your studies and well being.

Keep looking after yourself and continue to keep in touch with how you feel so you are able to get support before it becomes too overwhelming for you.

Gen [Hugs]