If was almost 2 years ago. At the time life felt grand. I was popular, out at least 2-3 times a week, was known as the social butterfly and was a friend of everyone but in reality, a friend of no one.
You could say I've always been an extrovert, confident, happy to approach the unknown and always the 'YES' man in most situations. The reality of being this person over many years and almost like being on 'repeat' was that I thought I had many caring friends around me when in reality all I had were people using me for an excuse to go out, get drunk and for the most part, get high off drugs. Especially when you were the financier for every outing. I felt at the time that by going out and meeting new networks that my depression was in check and I that I was in control and accepted by society. The awful truth though was that every time I got home after a big night I constantly had a thundering and abrupt visit by that person you might be familiar with known as 'depression'.
Whenever depression came late at night and tapped me on the shoulder, the feeling was cold, sharp and straight to the heart. Sound nullified, as did any good feeling I had throughout the night and that feeling that I was 'wanted' by someone, anyone. I was in this constant routine until one night when I had a hard reality check. My minute I remember having to go the toilet and the next minute I woke up in the back of an ambulance with no memory. 16 hours of straight drinking and drugs with no food took its toll. I was scared, panicked and felt all alone.
I remembered Albert Einsteins definition of insanity: 'Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It was time for things to change and more importantly, for me to make and action changes.
I stopped going out for drinks and instead went out for weekend breakfasts with friends who I had known for a long time and were always there and vice versa, I changed my mobile number and stopped contacting the 'party crowd'. I substituted going out for drinks and alcohol with learning MMA and Brazilian Jui-Jitsu and eating healthy food 5-10 times a week and started watching TedTalks and further enhancing my mind. I also started guitar up again and focused on my career. I also became somewhat of a hermit crab and didn't go out for drinks for 8 months.
Fast forward and for 2 years since changing my ways I have not been depressed since and have never been happier.
I hope this helps and thank you for reading.
R&R.
