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Never enough

Lulu1630
Community Member

Hi everyone.

My whole life I've been the "happy, smiley girl". The one who everyone feels comfortable to open up to. But I'm never enough for people to want to stick around.

After having children, I finally found a friend who was truly there! I could count on her like she could count on me. After 7 years of friendship, she has iced me out! I have tried to talk. Ask if she's OK. If we're OK! She says yes but I never see her or hear from her. My kids are desperate for play dates with her family but she declines every single time. The rejection is like torture! The not knowing if or what I've done is horrendous! But worst of all, is the fact that it is now hurting my children!

I keep telling myself that it isn't worth my energy to worry about it but that's not working. Having to see her every day at school drop off and pick up will be hell! How do you find peace without understanding what happened?

8 Replies 8

On The Road
Community Member

Hi Lulu,

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It must be hard for you and your children. 7 years of close friendship is long and worth celebrating for, especially for some adults (mothers) that are not easy to maintain friendships. I can see you value your friendship a lot and It is torturing that you are being snubbed like this from what you said. is it possible that you have a more formal conversation with her? and is there any other you two both know that you can share with your concern?

I had a very similar situation friending with someone for two years before getting iced out, and I never knew why. It was easier for me to move on because we live far away. They have their reasons but sometimes it is hard for us to let go.

Petal22
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lulu1630,

I’m sorry that this has happened to you but……..

Why do we try so hard for people that don’t try for us?

As hard as this is……. Save your energy for people who want to be in your life and that want to try for you too…..

How do you find peace without really understanding what happened?

Choose to forgive the person ( for yourself)…….. and then let it go……

There are people out there who want to be your friend….. and they will show up..

Lulu1630
Community Member

Exactly what you wrote, is exactly what I've been trying to tell myself! I am absolutely worth more than that and she doesn't deserve my energy.

But then, when I'm low and can't stop my over active and critical thoughts, it haunts me again. I can only imagine that time will help heal. But in the meantime.... it's hard

I am really lucky to have a friend to confide in with this. She too has had a shift in her own friendship with this girl but she hasn't had the complete freeze out.

I've tried a formal conversation. I've tried in writing and in person. But everything is "fine".

I know I need to walk away and just appreciate the times we had and focus on what's ahead. It's just so hard when the children have no idea what's going on.

I understand it’s hard………. maybe she is going through something herself?

Just keep being you, the people who want to be in your life will come and stay 😊

Leisa68
Community Member

Hi Lulu,

I am sorry for what you are going through, especially with the kids. Is it possible that something has happened in her life that she is freezing you out? Sometimes people just go "the turtle" when something is really wrong. Just a thought.

I hope things work out for you both.

Leisa68

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Lulu, people, we knew as friends can change for whatever reason they aspire to and it may happen by saying one word the incorrect way as your friend took it, but a true friend may question the reason why you said it and just like them, you are entitled to say how you feel and if they don't accept it, then you have to wonder whether the last 7 years have been in all honesty.

Surely two friends can make opposite remarks and still be friends, just as the two of you can have an argument but remain friends, but as soon as one of you starts picking on the other, then you need to question your friendship and it could go quiet for a while but then resume, that's if you want this.

Seeing her at school every day, you probably won't be told anything and wants to let it rest and your children can still play at school time but not after school, they will find other friends to play with after school.

The more you worry about what may have happened is only going to take you to negative thoughts, these will only cause harm and friction to yourself, what you don't know, the better it will be for you to move on.

Drop your kids off at another gate or change the time you do because none of this could be any fault of yours.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Hi Lulu,

It sounds like your friend may have a big shift in her life and she's withdrawing herself from the previous friend circle. It's a bit concerning. Since she turned you down saying everything is "fine", you probably can't do much about it. It's not your fault, not your responsibility and you have your own busy life. at this point, it would be best to focus on what's ahead of you.