My first post. Depression

[G_S]

• I wanted to try this. I’m seeing a psychologist atm but that’s only every 3 weeks or so. I feel awful a lot of the time and just really want to share that with others because I have to put on a brave face all the time. Only a couple of people know I struggle with depression sometimes and poor emotional regulation, and I don’t want to overload them with how negative I feel all the time. They are really supportive and I do share with them but it’s not fair on them if I’m always negative. Giving this forum a try…

[Richju]

Dear G_S,

You have come to the right place!

I fully understand that you don't want to discuss these issues with your friends too often but at this forum we welcome your posts because we are aware how important it is to unburden yourself.

Please keep writing and we can support you because we've all been there.

Looking forward to your next post.

Richju xx

[Richju]

Dear Therising,

I don't believe there is such a thing as normal. I am normal being me and you are normal being you, so normal can't really be defined.

Let's have individuality instead. We are all so different so we can add our individuality to colour the world.

Now in my seventies, I'm learing to accept myself as I am, after years of straining to be perfect.

This is me, warts and all. You take it or leave it.

Lots if love,

Richju (who loves herself as well) xxxx

[G_S]

Thank you for saying my contribution is welcome. Thankful for commenting on my post. I’m struggling to keep writing so I appreciate you saying to keep doing it. 

I think this is part of the process of climbing out of the hole I’ve been in. 

[G_S]

Thank you again for commenting. 

I’m learning to reframe my thinking. There are so many things I’m ashamed of (that I shouldn’t be) and I’m learning to face them and reframe them one by one. 

I’m so easily triggered right now but I believe I will have strength after I’ve dealt with them all individually. Then I won’t feel so overwhelmed by shame. 

I’m learning to rewrite my narrative. The story I believe about myself. Right now it’s a pretty sad one. 

God help me. 

[G_S]

I’m working so hard at strengthening my mental health. I feel sad. I feel shame. I feel angry. I know it’s unrealistic to feel good all the time but I just wanted to say that I feel those things now. 

I’m going to bed. 

The hard work will continue tomorrow. 

[G_S]

Hi. 

I just feel so alone. I know other people struggle, everyone does. I just don’t know what to do to not feel alone. I feel sad and I don’t really know who to tell. 

I feel like I need to tell others but I don’t know who. 

does anyone have any advice?

[mmMekitty]

Hi G_S

Advice? Talking here is a good start. It's good because we are all anonymous here, you don't have to write or post anything you aren't comfortable about. However, it might be worth taking a chance on posting something that does feel uncomfortable & learnig from doing that, that you can live with being uncomfortable. You can also discover people here won't try to shame or blame or guilt you about anything. You can also discover other people have very similar feelings & thoughts as you do & this might help you feel less alone.

I finally found my PDr, who has helped me see other ways of viewing myself & my past. He is helping me to regard myself as important, worthy, deserving, & he has helped me put into context how I'd been thinking & feeling about my past & moving towards having some compassion & understanding about my younger self. Sure I made some mistakes, but these are not faults of mine. Some things happened that I had no control over, so there is no shame or guilt or blame to level at myself.

That's why I'd also encourage you to talk to your psychologist.

I don't know, you might have people around you, who you could trust & confide in. You know better than I, if there are.

I don't know where you live, if there is a support group you could possibly join. That could be something you'd like to do.

Maybe your psychologist knows of a group you might be able to join, or maybe a GROW group?  These are peer groups meeting to support each other on their journey to mental health. Search for GROW Australia.

You are definitely not alone. There really are many, many people who are struggling with their mental health, with their feelings & thoughts, many lonely people, too. Some will be around about the same place in their journey.

I've been working on my own mental health since 1993, & spent 20 odd years not dealing with it before that, that is, since I was a young teenager, (& maybe earlier).

After all this time, one thing I know for sure is that it does get better. You will learn ways to look at your feelings & to monitor your mental health & manage any difficult times that you will have.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[therising]

Hi G_S

With you mentioning reframing, I suppose you could say if shame is a kind of frame that surrounds a clear picture and that frame is so upsetting and distracting to the point where it becomes the main focus, we'll never be able to see a clear picture as long as that frame is there.

If there is shame around social anxiety, once you remove that frame you could start seeing all the finer details that relate to a sense of social anxiety or stress, all the reasons and triggers, and eventually step back to see the overall picture which suddenly makes complete sense. If there's shame surrounding being sensitive, once you remove that frame you could start seeing all the finer details that relate to sensitivity and eventually step back to see the overall picture. In this case, you may even say 'Wow, I had no idea I could sense so much, so easily and so deeply. I had no idea how tuned in I am to feeling'. Even if it's our anger we're ashamed of, as long as our anger is framed by shame, we may never come to know why that anger's there or how it gradually came into being. We may never come to see the overall picture or the finer details.

Shame is so destructive. It can get in the way of so many things. When it's overwhelming, it can get in the way of seeing the overall picture and finer details, get in the way of an apology (if we're feeling too ashamed to approach a person who we've upset), get in the way of responsibility (the ability to respond to situations or people constructively), get in the way of self forgiveness and self love and the list goes on. I've only ever found one good reason for relating to shame. These days when I feel it, I feel it as a call to identify which social belief it relates to. This way it feels like a call to greater awareness, as opposed to a call to sufferance. 

It's my wish for you that you come to reframe everything in liberating ways. ❤️

[therising]

Hi Richju

There is definitely so much hard work in the lead up to the liberating proclamation to the world 'I am colourful and I love myself for that!'. There is so much letting go in the lead up. I think, in hindsight, it's kind of like you start off as you and then so many people and aspects of society dictate, in one way or another, 'We will only accept you as long as you can behave in this way and that way. So follow the rules and guidelines or be prepared to suffer'. My heart really goes out to kids setting out in life.

While there are plenty of social rules and guidelines that promote a healthy and happy society (like with certain laws for example), there are definitely loads of them that promote some form of sufferance. I have a deep admiration for social rebels throughout history who have refused to accept rules that promote their sufferance and the sufferance of others. Our world evolves for the better because of such people. And in our own world, when the rebel in us comes to life, there is liberation in that too. When our inner rebel starts to come to life, dictating in one way or another 'I am here to give you your freedom. Are you prepared to fight for your right to be you?', can be hard to get the people pleaser in us to be quite and take a back seat. I smile when I say if it's my inner rebel that's doing the driving (being the driving force behind my positive choices and behavior), the people pleaser in me cannot help but be a back seat driver on occasion...'You can't go that way! What will people think of you?!'.

As the rebel in me is pushing me to put another purple hair dye in on the weekend (or maybe I'll do pink), it's excited by imagining all the people who will state their disapproval of my colour choice. 'Bring it on!' I hear the rebel in me say. Btw, it was some years back when people started to say to me 'Gee you're going grey. You really need to start dying your hair'. It was the rebel in me that eventually came to life with 'They want colour? You give them colour girl!'. 😂 Up 'til then, people's comments about my greying hair, amongst a host of other things they disapproved of, were rather depressing and degrading. The rebel in us can be such a liberating natural self esteem booster.😊 ❤️

[G_S]

Thank you so much for replying. 

I feel this tension. Feeling sad and other feelings are such a huge part of my thinking but I talk to no one about them. That’s not authentic. I’m only putting the ‘presentable’ parts of myself to the world. 

I want to help people and I think part of that is not pretending I have it all together. It’s almost like I want to tell the world how messed up I am. How I struggle with emotions. I don’t really know what to expect after that and why I would really want to present that. 

I suppose feeling ashamed is lonely. 

I think it upsets me when people don’t listen, talk about themselves selfishly, or make it sound like all you need to do is blah, blah, blah. 

I care about them but I don’t really know what I want.