My daily routine of not having a routine is sending me crazy (well, crazier...)

[Brooke89]

Hi, today I decided to sign up to Beyond Blue to reach out for help and advice for myself. I' m lost, frustrated and majorly lacking motivation. I'm approaching the one year mark of being off work (covered by income protection for both physical and mental health issues). Whilst I have tackled some of my physical health issues, this mental battle isn't so easily fixed. I'm sad to say that I am probably mentally worse now than I was a year ago. I have a very supportive partner who I couldn't fault, and for that I am extremely grateful, but I worry that he may enable me to succomb to every little negative feeling I experience. I feel like I needed the past year to deal with my health issues rather than continuing to soldier on whilst struggling and not meeting the expectations of my employer or keep a household together, but now, a year later, I am spending my days in bed and sleeping around 18 hours of the day. I will not leave my room as I do not wish to socialise with my flatmates. In the evenings my partner comes home from work and arranges dinner. When he goes to sleep I lie there half awake waiting for my pain medication to kick in (I have recurring migraines and strong prescription pain killers for this) which in turn makes me drowsy and sends me to sleep again. I will generally wake up around 11am the following day and immediately try to fall asleep again. Getting out of bed just seems so overwhelming. My bedroom is a mess and it haunts me, I see it as a reminder that I don't have my life together and I feel guilty for the way I am living. I don' t want to live like this anymore but I have no idea how to help myself. I have read some information online but putting anything into action feels impossible and daunting. I would much appreciate any advice you might have. Thank you (P.S - I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression and am on medication for this which I don't feel is working. My GP has advised that it will take a number of months to feel the full effect and has a plan for me to see a psychologist in the new year. I worry that I won't even be able to leave the house to attend these appointments).