My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

Moonstruck · ‎29-09-2016

My anxiety seems to have turned into depression that I am not so familiar with.

The past few weeks have had added major traumas/stressors -instead of panic, which I had to control to deal with them then and there I have profound sadness which is not like me. Not the "me" others know anyway. I awake each morning with tears not far away and then they come almost straight after getting up.

I desperately want to ring a friend and say "I am so depressed, I am so sad". The first thing they say is "Why?" and then try and cheer me out of it and begin telling me how THEY are! I put on too good a front you see. This is not the "Moonstruck" they have known for years , they just don't SEE me.

On "R U OK" day no-one asked me! Perhaps a good thing, because I would have told them and they'd have laughed and invited me over to the Club to cheer me up!

When someone takes the ultimate "way out", harms themselves, I won't use the "S" word in case my post won't appear or something , someone always says "Why didn't he/she say something? Why didn't they ask us for help? Why didn't they tell me, Why didn't I see the signs?" I feel like yelling "They DID ask for help, they DID give signs, they DID tell you, there were HEAPS of signs they were in serious trouble...and you Laughed, or brushed it off, or didn't take them seriously.".

"You just couldn't believe such a lovely, capable, "together" person who was coping so well with the ups and downs of life, was TRYING to let you know, you just didn't hear them".

Moderators I am not in danger of doing anything desperate today. I would never leave such a legacy to my kids or grand-kids...just wanted to make a point...because I want to ring a friend and can already anticipate that they will simply not hear what I am saying. I have an appt with psych tomorrow and have a similar worry that I appear so socially OK she won't "get it" either! (my job and whole life journey has required me to be skilled socially and verbally eloquent with excellent communication skills..not always evident on here I realise.....but it does sabotage me a bit when I desperately need comforting)

Guest_9809 · ‎25-10-2016

Thanks Moonstruck, and I hope you also have a great day.

Whats this about likely not running into you? I thought we were all attending the Smokie concert together ....

Push the limits Moonstruck.

T

Moonstruck · ‎28-10-2016

Yes of course we will go to Smokie together...I am looking forward to it Taurus. (my father was a Taurus, so was my husband)

I am going somewhere tonight where there are people I like, a place I like, a place where last time I was there my life was in order, and in place, and reasonably "happy" dare I even speak the word??

I have forgotten what it feels like. You see...when I do things, go places, be with people that I was "happy" with the last time - it makes me feel 100 times more depressed. It's like I don't even give myself the chance to feel good again, even though it's the same place, same friends, same activity - all things I enjoy. I sort of "can't enjoy them" now.

Does anyone else experience this? Doing things that made you so happy in the past, only make your depression worse.....because you're not in that "good feeling place in your mind" any more? This sounds really confused...I'm sorry, I am usually much clearer at expressing myself.

CMF · ‎28-10-2016

Hi Moon,

yes I get what you mean about feeling depressed when doing things that used to make you happy. I totally get it. It's reminds us if good times that have been taken away from us. We feel depressed because we miss those times.

its good that you're getting out Moon. You need to give yourself permission to enjoy and be happy.

I know it's easier said than done. Sending you a big hug.

cmf x

Moonstruck · ‎28-10-2016

Thanks CMF......wonders will never cease.

Would you believe my spirits lifted almost immediately I walked into the place. Something magic must have taken place. It did me the world of good - even though I had been dubious about, and not really "looking forward to" even going there, and talking to old friends - all week I wished I hadn't said I'd go.

You may be right about sometimes just "pushing ourselves" to get out there - I dunno the answer. On the one hand I don't think it's good to push yourself beyond your limits and what you know you aren't well enough to handle.......but sometimes if you can make the effort, it can work!! The trick seems to be, to be able to tell what to attempt, and what to let go...buggered if I know!

Have a good night CMF and good weekend...I wish you could get that very negative influence (the man) out of your life for good - I know a child is involved so it makes it so hard for you - please try and put him in a little compartment of his own......don't look in there, or listen to what he says or thinks....let it become irrelevant to you. Turn him into a blank space where a person used to be!! luv from me x

Guest_9809 · ‎28-10-2016

Well done Moonstruck! So pleased you 'pushed the limits' as I suggested the other day, and it resulted in you getting out there and actually enjoying yourself. Never easy, but worth it.

Happy for you ............

Taurus

CMF · ‎28-10-2016

Like the song by Gotye...somebody I used to know...