My Anxiety has turned into Depression. I don't know what to do.

[Moonstruck]

My anxiety seems to have turned into depression that I am not so familiar with.

The past few weeks have had added major traumas/stressors -instead of panic, which I had to control to deal with them then and there I have profound sadness which is not like me. Not the "me" others know anyway. I awake each morning with tears not far away and then they come almost straight after getting up.

I desperately want to ring a friend and say "I am so depressed, I am so sad". The first thing they say is "Why?" and then try and cheer me out of it and begin telling me how THEY are! I put on too good a front you see. This is not the "Moonstruck" they have known for years , they just don't SEE me.

On "R U OK" day no-one asked me! Perhaps a good thing, because I would have told them and they'd have laughed and invited me over to the Club to cheer me up!

When someone takes the ultimate "way out", harms themselves, I won't use the "S" word in case my post won't appear or something , someone always says "Why didn't he/she say something? Why didn't they ask us for help? Why didn't they tell me, Why didn't I see the signs?" I feel like yelling "They DID ask for help, they DID give signs, they DID tell you, there were HEAPS of signs they were in serious trouble...and you Laughed, or brushed it off, or didn't take them seriously.".

"You just couldn't believe such a lovely, capable, "together" person who was coping so well with the ups and downs of life, was TRYING to let you know, you just didn't hear them".

Moderators I am not in danger of doing anything desperate today. I would never leave such a legacy to my kids or grand-kids...just wanted to make a point...because I want to ring a friend and can already anticipate that they will simply not hear what I am saying. I have an appt with psych tomorrow and have a similar worry that I appear so socially OK she won't "get it" either! (my job and whole life journey has required me to be skilled socially and verbally eloquent with excellent communication skills..not always evident on here I realise.....but it does sabotage me a bit when I desperately need comforting)

[Moonstruck]

Oh I think my secret will soon be out Taurus...I think you're pretty clever. I suspect you are getting very close to guessing what I do in my spare time. I'd better shut up for a while.

Did I read somewhere that you are in the ACT? You asked where I am located in general terms, not exact.

Well, at present I am located in front of the computer, in my pyjamas, in the second bedroom/office - that's as far as I am prepared to go at the moment - what makes you think I am strong and resilient? I would have thought resilient was the last thing I am...I find it hard to "bounce back" I usually lie and wallow for a bit until someone pulls me out or pushes me from behind. Have a good night and great week Taurus.

[Guest_9809]

Oh Moonstruck, I'm sorry. Are you angry at me now? I didnt mean to give you away or anything. Have I?

I think you may have read my post in the Cafe where I was 'extolling the virtues' of ACT weather yesterday, and comparing it with Melbourne at the same time perhaps. (-:

Did you end up going out today with your friend or neighbour? If so, how did it go?

I can see that you are strong and resilient because of what you have been through and yet here you still are - with a great sense of humour, and still striving to make things better for both yourself and others. You may wallow a little bit, I expect we all do, but its only temporary for you. I'd be happy to lend a hand to help give you either a pull or a gental push to help you find your way again.

I hope you also have a nice evening and even better week ahead.

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

I'm sorry you're still feeling so low and I agree with Taurus, let the tears flow, it cleanses the soul. It's good that you are making the effort to get out and about. Much better than being cooped up.

I'm in for the Smokie concert sounds like fun and your secret is safe with me re your hobby as I have no idea what it could be 🙂

Take care Moon and hope you do start to feel better soon. Another dip in the ocean perhaps???

cmf x

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Moon,

I shall close my lips and lock them and throw the key into the ocean. You will have to take another dip to find it should you want me to share all.

I am so glad you have found your tribe. A place of belonging with kinsmen and genuine hearts. I see many tournaments in your future.

Taurus is very clever indeed. Well met Taurus. Nice to see you here. I just encountered you in the thread to end all threads.

Aha, see I imagined the Dragon Slayer (I do love that name, a legacy from a dear friend), waiting for you on the beach and then I come here only to find that he has indeed found his way to you again.

I am saddened for his friend but happy he is a part of your life. At least this time around you can make your feelings clear and in the end that is all your can offer and then what will be will be. I am Team Moon all the way.

Smokie! Ha! Yes, I should enjoy being sung too. I am on my way! Get your dancin' boots on.

As for the other concert you were invited to, yes! The more you get out the better. Having a cry is good, just like Taurus said. My Mum told me so often as I grew that as a Mum, you never stop worrying for your children even when they are grown with a family of their own. Keep writing, that is therapeutic too (not to mention worth their weight in gold).

Sometimes strength and resilience are the product of the facade or is the facade the foundation for the strength and resilience? Either way you are a resounding figure of hope. In sharing our frailty and opening our souls, are we not the strongest of all?

I hope you sleep well dear Moon xx

[Moonstruck]

You're the strong resilient one Oh Carol. I saw on your other thread how much pain you are in - and yet you keep cheering me on and giving love freely - I think you're marvellous!

Yes Taurus is a clever one isn't she? I notice Taurus, you didn't actually say where you were "located" either when I guessed it was ACT. Of course I'm not angry.....can't remember when I was last "angry" at anyone...don't they say depression is anger turned inwards upon oneself? That's probably what's wrong with me.

Yes I went to that concert thing. Strangely enough we had an entire day of rain...all day...not teeming down...just out of the blue..turned quite chilly too and here we were, having put all our Warm Clothes away! Back to normal sunshine today though. the last thing I felt like doing in that cold rain was getting dressed and going out.....but had no choice really..as the friend was looking forward to it!! I could see it was the better alternative to sitting at home getting low and worrying about stuff though. (have to admit I did enjoy the afternoon tea that was served also...scones with jam and cream and some kind of date nutmeggy slice! I could have made a glutton of myself as I pretty much starve here at home!)

I'm going back to the 'Bowls Club' one night this week Oh Carol - they're presenting their list of "tournaments" for next year..some sound right up my alley...(get it.."right up my alley"..?? Oh God I'm funny, I crack myself up sometimes!!) I am sort of letting them know I am available...(pays to advertise you know).

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

im glad you went to the concert, good on you for making effort. It's great that you're going back to the "bowls club" too. Sounds like you're getting back to things that make you feel good again.

hope you're having a good day Moon and for the record, you crack me up too. You always manage to say something that puts a smile on my face.

cmf x

[Lost_Girl]

I agree cmf, Moon always makes me smile too, a shining light in the dark. I laughed out loud at the alley pun.

I am glad you got out Moon and that date nutmeggy thing sounds delish. I have a recipe for a very yummy date slice that tastes quite like caramel. I might try and make some at xmas...it can be a goal for me. It has been a while since I have baked.

I am very excited about the tournament list coming up for you. Keep me updated. I am sure you are oustanding in your "field"

Me xx

[Guest_9809]

Thankyou Moonstruck, I am really pleased that I have not upset you. I didnt know I was giving your game away. I have a very nice sister in law who is an extremely good representative lawn bowler, for real.

For your information I have been a resident of the good ol' ACT for a period of 13 years. And to quote you, in general terms I am sitting in my study right now on my computer. (:

I am really pleased to hear that you made the effort to get out yesterday for the concert. And it sounds as though it was worth it, even if only for the particularly yummy sounding date slice and scones, jam and cream.

Is this DS fellow into 'lawn bowls' as well, if you dont mind me asking? Btw, I would go for a gallant DS over a florist any day. And maybe even over a swiss chocolatier? Although the chocolates would be hard to pass up.

Its good that you are planning on keeping in touch with your former friends at the Bowls Club. And with all these planned 'tournaments' coming up, just make sure you dont 'break a leg', as there arent too many good bowlers around who can play on only one leg.

It sounds as though you arent eating a proper diet at home Moonstruck. Would that be true, or am I totally off the mark there? Just picked up on your comment about pigging out on the afternoon tea at the concert. I know its often hard to cook for one, but its important that you eat properly and nutritiously. It is good for both physical health as well as mental health. Says me ... who skips meals regularly when my husband is away and I dont HAVE to cook. But I know all the things I should be doing ... just dont always follow my own advice. 😞

Okay I must go now. I hope everyone here has a good evening.

Taurus

[MsPurple]

Hey Moon. I just realised it has been a while since coming on here. And when you said 'Bowls Club' I thought lawn bowls. Ha. But then you said alley so now I am thinking 10 pin bowls. Haha my head is being very visual. And btw I have no clue about this means! I can't even figure out if it is lawn or 10 pin bowling.

It's awesome you went to the concert with a friend even though you weren't keen. I bet you couldn't see yourself doing that a month ago? It is little things you do but then you look back and see how far you have come but doing all these little steps. I find it amazing. I also can see how we miss our progress because the little steps feel like we are not moving forward.

"don't they say depression is anger turned inwards upon oneself?" I think this is clever. I am still trying to get a better understanding of it. Does it mean that depression is kinda like being frustrated? I don't completely understand it but that's how I feel when I am depressed.

Thought I should pop in and see how you are travelling Moon 🙂

[Moonstruck]

Good morning my friends

I think you're all awesome..what would I do without you? sorry for being so vague. I still think Taurus - you have me figured out (maybe) and knowing you are in ACT, makes me feel a bit safer that I probably won't run into you.

Yes I always "break a leg" (in fact it's considered "bad luck" to wish me "good luck")

No, DS isn't into "playing bowls"....ha ha, what a laugh...he'd be hopeless! He thinks it's great that I am getting back into it though....reckons he wants to come and watch me next time....but he probably wouldn't be able to sit still and keep quiet for that long.

(Oh Carol did you hear about the Scarecrow who won the award? He got it for being out standing in his field!!)

I know this sounds as if I am feeling heaps better at "deciding" to start doing things that make me ultimately feel better...it's the "doing " of them that's going to be hard.

I am so used to staying home at night in my safe haven where no one can find me....it's getting dressed, into the car and driving out to be with people again that's the scary part. if I could just do it all in my head, or on paper it'd be much easier!

those of you who have known me for a long time, know that I am really quite frightened deep down to "put myself out there" again. I treasure your friendship.....have a great day.