Lost and unable to find my way

[Worthless_amp_helpless]

Hi,

 I am new here and I never really done this before, but i am going to give it ago. 

I have been suffering depression for a long time, but it was this year that it got really bad that I needed to get help . I find it hard to speak to anyone as i fear being judged by others.

I am married and I am my younger sisters legal guardian and they are not that supportive when it comes to

my depression. My hubby tells me it all in the head and just to toughen up. My sister is a teenager and its all about her and what she wants and doesn't really care about anyone else. 

I am a person that holds everything in and

suffer in silence and just put a smile on my face even when i am suffering badly. I do see a psychologist but having to suffer in silence for so long and the things that happened in my past as a child I am finding it hard to open up to my psychologist. 

For the last few weeks I have been dealing with my sister and husband fighting non stop everyday, I have tried to explain how this effecting me etc but they are not listening nor do they care. I have gotten to the stage that i am giving up, I am over feeling this way and not having anyone to turn to for support.

I have lost my way and have no idea where i am heading i see no future and I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[White_Rose]

Hello W&H

Welcome to Beyond Blue and my apologies that no one has replied to you so far. I am pleased you found your way here and told us your story. Thank you.

The really sad thing about depression is that until you have experienced this illness it's hard to understand how it affects anyone. I am guessing this is the case with your husband and sister.  By the way, your post is not clear about how many sisters you have living with you. Is it one or more?

It's good that you are seeing a psychologist. As you say, it's hard to open up after keeping all your problems to yourself for a long time. Have you been seeing this psych for long? It can take a few visits to learn to relax with someone so do not be too hard on yourself. Many people find it hard to know what to say and how to say it. Perhaps this is something you could discuss with your psych? Explain your difficulty and ask him/her to guide you a little.

It may help you to know that the way you feel is common for those with depression. And because those who have not had depression do understand it, there is a tendency for them to get impatient. Browse through the tabs at the top of the page and read up about depression. You can be certain that this information is accurate.

Look also at the fact sheets designed for family and friends. These will be helpful for your family. You can get BB to send you as many of these information pages as you wish. There is no charge. Give your husband some of this information. If you are feeling particularly down I suggest you ring the BB helpline 1300 22 4636 and have a chat. This way you can talk to someone immediately which is not always the case with your psych.

However, I suggest you ask your psych if there is some way you can contact him/her if you are having particular difficulties and need help quickly. You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

I am a grandmother and it's a long time since I lived with a teenager. However my 17yo grandson recently came to live with me. Boy has that been a learning curve for me.

It sounds as though your sister is going through the usual teenage rebellion stage, which you probably already know.  As you say, it's all about them. But there is hope both for you and your sister. She will eventually become human again (joke). And you will find your way out of the tunnel.

A suggestion for your psych discussions is managing the fights between your husband and sister.

Please write in again and we can continue the conversation.

Regards

Mary

[Worthless_amp_helpless]

HI Mary,

Thanks for your reply, I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply. 

I only have 1 sister living with me and she is 14. She came into my care due to our mum being sick and my sister was a handful, so I said I would take her on, so she has been with me for 3 years now.But this year has been really bad with her she has tested the boundaries well and truely. I know she is bring a typical teen, I just wish my husband would understand that and accept it but he wont. 

When I first told my hubby that I had been diagnosed and being treated for depression, he became really angry and upset. Part of that was because I told mt best friend first as i wanted to figure out the best way to approach the conversation with him as I knew that he wouldn't take it well. 

I have been seeing my Psychologist for about 6 months, She is lovely. Talking with her on how i exactly how i feel and how it is affecting me and trying to explain it to her i find difficult. I know she is a professional and is there to help me, but I still worry that she will judge.

I have gotten my sister to read information etc on depression to give her an idea on what it is and how it affects a person and what are the different symptoms. I also have a resource folder that has all info of different services for different things like depression, PTSD, suicide, youth groups etc ( I have this from a course that I am studying at the moment) My hubby knows all about it but he grew up the old fashion way. 

I have thought about ring a help line when i am really down, but I just feel stupid and that I am not bad enough and there is probably someone else out there that needs that person/counsellor more than me. I just tend to put on a smile and just get through the day the best i can. 

 thanks again for your reply. 

Regards