dont know what to do

[someone123]

Hi,

I am new to this but here it goes...

I have been suffering depression for as long as I can remember, as in life you have your ups and downs however lately the depression has been more frequent and to add to this I get anxiety at least twice a week.

I am married, have a beautiful 8 month daughter, my own house, have a job (mature age apprenticeship) 

My relationship with my wife now feels content as there is no more intimacy as she is

tired from looking after our daughter. She has now been back at work for a couple of months and still the same. I try and share the load of raising our daughter as much as I can however there are times where she just wants her mum. I work 6 days and anywhere between 8 to 11-12 hour days just so we can get by.

I somewhat know why I feel the way I do and everytime I try and talk to my wife about things I get no response until after a few times we both go into waterworks, then things go good for a week or so and then back into this vicious cycle. At this current moment its at a point where we are not talking to each other.

I dont want to divorce as my wife a nd daughter is all I have.

I'm at a point now where

I dont know what to do anymore, I have had alot of suicidal thoughts but I know that is wrong (or just to cowardly to act?)

Besides this post and talking to my wife i have not told anyone amd kept it all bottled inside. I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone else about it as I dont want to put them in uncomfortable position.

I dont know where this post is going, feels like I'm rambling but feels good to get of my chest.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[White_Rose]

Dear Someone

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope we can offer you some help at this time. Please feel free to write in as often as you need. Someone will be here to answer you. Another option is to ring the BB helpline 1300 22 4636, or possible write in to the live web chat between 3:00 pm and midnight. Click on web chat at the top of the page. The people who answer both these services are experienced in the mental health field.

You sound very tired which is adding to your distress. May I suggest you visit your GP as soon as possible. Doctors are used to listening to all sorts of stories and you will not make them uncomfortable. Bottling up your thoughts and feelings will not help.

I also wonder about your wife's health. First babies invariably pose more difficulties that subsequent children. Not because there is anything wrong with the child, but because of the complete change of lifestyle the advent of a child makes in the parent's lives.

Tiredness is just one aspect. Attention revolves around the baby and her needs. Babies are very demanding, even the best behaved and most wonderful.And of course there is the anxiety of making she cared properly and is kept safe. As any parent will say, it's not easy. Now that your wife has returned to work and you are working long hours I suspect there is a certain amount of guilt involved. I know I felt bad leaving my children in child care.

I am wondering if your wife has post natal depression which could be why she is not so interested in your previous intimacy. Again it may be a wise move for her to visit the GP. Perhaps you could go together? If it felt good writing in here, just imagine how much better it could be to talk to someone face to face.

Hang in there my friend. Taking your own life leaves you no options for the future. Also think about whether or not you need to work such long hours.  It is something you can only do for a short time before falling apart.

I hope you will let us know how you are going.

Regards

Mary

[Mares73]

Dear 123, I hope it's okay to use that part of your forum name as it just felt so distant calling you just "someone".

You & your wife sound caught in a vicious cycle that is familiar to me. After I had my child & returned to work I found my husband and I were living on exhaustion & that's just the work part. When you get home to the needs of a young child it gets to the point you have nothing left to give. And being a woman (& yes I'm generalising) she may well be craving intimacy in the former of cuddles, talks about life together & so on so that she feels close to you emotionally. The physical forms of intimacy often come once your emotionally close. And yes like I was she may well be suffering some symptoms of postnatal depression which is so much more common than people realize.  As for how you feel you must be exhausted. I'd strongly recommend you look at the list of GPS on this site & find one near you for a visit or second opinion. These Gps are highly trained in depression & mental health & are recommended by Beyond Blue. Please try go & see one as they will be very understanding & up to date on the latest treatments. Are you currently taking an antidepressant? Do you see a psychiatrist or physchologist? The Gp  would get you on the path to feeling better. Perhaps you could ask your wife along? There's also a test on here which indicates if you have depression called the K10 test & you will find it easily. It might be worth asking your wife the questions it's not a long test. I guess it depends how open she is to coming to Dr & talking about how she really feels. You are both under some ugh pressure your working hours would be taking a big toll on you & it's no surprise that given the pressure your under at work & home that you have been hit by a bad episode of depression. I really feel for you. Can you have a think about the GP? And do some reading on this site there's heaps of information & fact sheets. There's even fact sheets for you to give to family members who don't understand. Have a look at the sheets & have a look at the K10 test & the information on postnatal depression as well as finding a Gp near you & reading some personal stories that you may relate to. Please get back to us once you've done that & let us know what you think? We are here to support you, we will never judge you we will simply offer compassionate support & advice. I know you don't have much time but u r mental health has to come first. Lve Mares