Loneliness

[Rosie]

Hi

I've been reading many of your posts and loneliness seem to be a common theme.  I've never been able to articulate what loneliness means to me until I read this quote:

"The story loneliness is much longer than the story of life.  In the sense of what most people mean by living.  Without children or partner, without meaningful family or a home, a day can last an eternity: a life without those things is a life without a story, a life in which there is nothing - no narrative dramas - to alleviate the cruelly meticulous passing of time.

The lack of tenderness or intimacy, loneliness is when nothing will stick to you,, when nothing will thrive around you, when you start to think that you kill things just by being there."

[white knight]

Hi

That is an impressive quote, very deep which I like.

I find that in the distant past when I was lonely, focussing on animals was a better solution than seeking comfort from people which the patter can be a Russian Roulette experience.

We have 2 mini foxies and they are my wife and I outlet, walking them and they are affectionate.

TonyWK

[Earth Girl]

Hi Rosie,

Yeah, loneliness does seem to be a common theme on here and apparently the world is getting lonelier, in fact, they are saying that the newest generations are the loneliest.

I've always been a loner. I've never really had friends in a way. At school I would usually sit alone and that went for all my years of schooling practically (Kindergarten to college). When I wasn't sitting alone, I was sitting with groups of people, but I was too shy to engage with them so I mostly just awkwardly watched them.

I sort of started to make some friends when I had finished college, but most of them turned out to be more like bullies than friends and in some of the friendships, I felt more alone than I did when I actually was alone. I was too scared to end one of the friendships though because I knew she would be very upset with me and another one I tried to end by distancing myself (she was bullying me) and this went on for 3 years because she wouldn't let go even though she knew I didn't want to be friends anymore and when I deleted her on Facebook (if I didn't do this, it would have gone on for even longer), she got really mad at me for not telling her that I didn't want to continue the friendship ages ago even though she would have already known and it didn't even occur to her that maybe she did something wrong.

Something I've learned though is that it's better being by yourself than it is being with people who make you feel alone. I feel a lot better about being a loner now because now I know it could be even worse. People call me a "friendless loser", but I don't care. I'd rather be that than be with people who I wish I could safely get away from.

I agree with White Knight as well, animals can help with loneliness. When I had my cat, I loved snuggling him while sleeping on the couch or in my bed and dogs can make walking extra fun. When I move out of home, I'm definitely going to have to get myself a little furry companion.

I also agree though that being lonely can sometimes make you wonder what the point is because you don't get to contribute as much to the world as other people can. You can't share your thoughts and ideas as much and basically just make your mark. You see other people having fun with their friends and wish you could simply just go on so much as a picnic with some people who would be a good match for you friend-wise.

I don't get along with my family either so friends are really important to me. My family basically ignores me, especially my parents, even on my birthdays.

It's also scary when you get older because you're worried that you may never find someone and be able to have children or even a place to live.

My advice to help with loneliness (which I'm planning to do too) is:

* Try not to worry too much about it because they say we usually meet people when were not really focusing on relationships.

* It could be a blessing in disguise that we've been lonely for so long because it might lead us to an amazing path that we may not have got to go to otherwise and when the time is right, it will come.

* Focus on what you can do to build yourself before you make friends/get into a relationship because there are advantages to being single and there may be things you want to work more on first such as confidence, hobbies or anything that would improve your life in anyway, and that would make future relationships easier. One for me would be learning more social skills.

* Keep in mind that it's better to be alone than it is to be with someone wishing you were alone. Some unwanted relationships can be surprisingly hard to get out of especially if you are a shy person because they will use this against you.

* If you end up making friends soon, be careful because later on the friendships might seem very different to how they did in the beginning. (I'm not saying this will necessarily happen because good friends do exist and not everyone gets mad at people when they start distancing themselves, but it's good to just be careful because friends can sometimes turn into really big enemies, even some of the ones you never did anything to). * You'll probably be okay of course, but it does take time to know who your real friends are.

[Earth Girl]

A couple more tips I have are:

* If you don't have a pet, but are able to get one, that would probably help a bit too. (If you are depressed at the moment though, you might want to wait a bit longer before getting one because they require a lot of looking after of course because of all the feeding and all the walkies if you get a dog).

* Focus on things you like about yourself, this will help you get into a really good head space and you'll be able to enjoy life more. I recently got into a much better head space and it's improved my life greatly. I also try to ignore bullies because most of the things they say about me aren't even true, they just say anything to try to hurt me and to make THEIR lives more interesting (they must be really bored). But I also try to listen to people when they politely explain to me when I've done something wrong so I can grow and I try not to take it personally by reminding myself that everyone makes mistakes.

[randomxx]

lt is a hard place to be that is for sure.

But it's obviously and sadly too only going to get worse as yrs go on now bc everything they do and invent , every new direction they try to point the human race into now actually takes us more and more away from other people and real life. They tell us it's all going to make our lives so much easier now each time with every new contraption or convenience they come up with next but it all just puts us even further and further away from reality. Hardly need to use shops anymore, the FB's and forums instead of real life, don't even have to go out to see a movie anymore or get take away. Studying from home working from home all more and more sadly we're more and more isolated and it's become like you really have to make an effort now to even get out and among people bc you really don't even need to much anymore if you wanna be slack.

lt's also all teaching people this new and fake way of relating and handling things and communicating now, and they all have the almighty block button if that gets too hard and they spit the dummy over any tiny thing or become all so smart tapping away on their keyboards from a room somewhere , on computers and phones buttons instead of being face to face out there in real life. l;ve noticed a real decline in people having much ability to handle things in normal ways in real life or even to bother these days. And then people seem so busy now too and overwhelmed with just dealing with life, l dunno.

lt's really sad what's becoming of societies and people now and of just existing l find l really need to consciously kick my own bum just to even get out at all these days and make a real effort.

Earth girls so right with a dog or pet it can be a huge thing especially a dog bc you can go walking and other doggy people like chatting and stuff it can be a really big thing. At the lowest point in my life it really saved my bacon at one stage bc l'd force myself to go walking with the dog every arvo and after awhile different people become familiar and you'd start having little chats along the way.

l work from home alone too so l also force myself out every day to somewhere, pick some stuff up or grab some lunch.  l don't like walking in my area but l also do like getting over to the beach and people, go for a wander. l also like kayaking so l have some fav spots that are fairly people'ly  .

l sort of hate it having to be this way but l find l do have to almost force myself to do something out there bc it does usually pick me up a bit and if l don't it'd just be too easy to just stay home and isolated and live tv's and computers instead which l know will be the end of it if l do.

l suppose in the other hand though for people that can't get out and about for whatever reason , the gadgets do give them an outlet though so it's not all bad and the chance like around here for example to mix with people in other ways.

lt's kinda like we ca use all this stuff but for good not evil ha ha.

Take care all

rx

[Rosie]

Hi Earth girl

That was incredibly deep - so thank you, it has given me something to think about. I remember hearing someone say "it's better to walk alone than to walk with those that mean you harm".  I think that is similar to what you said.  We need to know and trust ourselves before we can make any meaningful friendships.  

Thank you so much for replying.  I'm always so touched by the way people reach out and show such wisdom and compassion.

Warmest regards

Rosie x

[Rosie]

Hi Radomxx

Thank you so much for your reply.  Like Earth Girl your reply was very enciteful.  We are indeed moving very quickly towards a future of lonely humans.  I heard yesterday on the ABC many young people are terrified to ring and talk to someone and that some schools are trying to teach them how to do it to equip them for when they start work.

I wonder if this has been knownly  orchestrated by industries and governments or is it the inevitable progress of technology without thinking about the consequences.  Somehow I think alot of people are making alot of money out of it, a bit like the diet and beauty industries.

Yesterday I replied to a young student who was diagnosed with depression.  They said they were feeling so down and had thoughts of self harm.  Apparently the school counsellor suggested they ring Beyond Blue.  It concerned me that they posted on the forum rather than ring BB.  Probably another youngster who is terrified of speaking to someone.  I truly hope this poor little lamb has someone to talk to who will really listen to them and not just tell them "everyone has problems, you'll grow out of it".

What does the UK Minister for Loneliness actually do?  I really don't think we know how to solve it, just like homelessness.  Academics are excellent at talking about it on radio but nothing seems to ever get done.

You and Earth girl have given me so much to think about.

Take care

Warmest regards

Rosie x

PS. If you are wondering what my profile photo is, it is a blob fish.

[Rosie]

Thanks White knight.  I've been learning alot from your replies to people.  Some times I worry someone will not get a reply and feel even more isolated.  I wish our politians would spend half a day reading these post to get a better idea of what alot of people are suffering from and act accordingly.

Warmest regards

Rosie

[randomxx]

Hi there blobfish and all.

Funny you mention your pic bc when l saw it l thought hmmmm, that might be something ahhh, naughty, but really close so that you can't tell- but eh, knew it wouldn't be don't worry.

But yeah l dunno. There is soooooo much money for the tech mobs , so much , but l think they also think oh won't this be good won't that be so unreal , people won't have to do this anymore or that or whatever. But sadly it is destroying humanity while we're at it. l despise it bc of what l know it's doing-sorry to be a downer.

You'll be in for an argument if you ever mention that in a US forum though believe me talk about in denial - it's half standing by all their tech mobs and just half what they've become with it all too more than anyone l think.

And your spot too on my d complains about all that and that they don't meet naturally anymore it's all on their gadgets and no one even calls anymore either or talks anything out.lt's really sad l'm sure your feeling the pinch to earthgirl.

Gotta admit l make good use of the old texting myself too unless it's someone l actually enjoy a call with.

But on the other hand as l was saying at least some can actually get some help and share ideas and stuff now too like around bb and places bc all that stuff can be very hard to get to in the RW as we know.

Sdaly too true too that yeah , many of the academics are waking up finally but that writings been on the wall for yrs so ldk what it's going to be even worth as you say. And then they turn around with their brilliant conclusions that we need to get out more and into nature and people and ra ra ra - well whatdoyaknow. Hate to think how many millions they spent coming up with that piece of genius right.

Best to all.

rx

[Rosie]

Hi Randomxx

It never occurred to me that it looked rude, but I can now see it.  I immediately changed it and will go back to using Rosie as my name but this may take a few days to change online.

Poor little Blob fish, not only voted the ugliest creatures in the world, but they look like "something a bit rude".

Thank you for telling me, I never pick up on things like that.  🤭

Warmest regards

Rosie (formerly Blobfish)