It's just to much

Bakers_wife · ‎20-02-2015

Help! I'm 25 with two kids, a husband & a business. I can't say that life is easy for me but I do have what a lot of people dream of but I can't seem to enjoy what I have worked for. Each day I wake I can barely put my thoughts together. After I have sorted my daughter for school. And got my son ready for either daycare or just a busy day with mum. My days are often spent fixing problems with in my business. I'm either trying to get paper work done or ordering or baking or cleaning no matter what I'm there everyday. If I was to pick up and leave not only would the place full apart but my anxiety just goes through the roof!!!! I strive to make things work but it all comes pilling on top. Then to top work of my husband family work with us from time to time when "they need" us. For years I feel as if I have never been good enough for his family. I feel has if they tear at me. Try to pull down my walls. I don't know what it is they want but my husband is always on there side. I feel so lost. Alone.Afraid. I feel as if I'm meant to be a hole In The wall. A memory not a person. After work is done its time for me to rush round picking kids up. Doing dinner trying to get the reading done. The washing done for school the next day. Keeping the house up to scratch. Only to put the kids to bed. By myself and not know if tonight I will sleep for 4 hours or 6 sometimes 2 hours sometimes my days flow from one to the next. I feel lost. I feel empty. I can't find happiness and my kids feel it the most my temper is short and my weight is at an all time low. I don't eat. I don't sleep an I'm afraid of what's next. I am alone in my own battle with myself. I'm suffocating and don't know what to do next

CrashCoyote · ‎21-02-2015

Hi Bakers wife,

It sounds like there is a lot going on for you and I would like to offer you advice that might make it easy for you to get some professional help, initially just with your GP. Can you say if you are in a large town or city (no need to name it) and if access to a GP and/or psychologist is reasonably convenient and confidential? Many posters complain that living in small towns makes seeking confidential help hard.

Kind regards, John.

Doolhof · ‎21-02-2015

Hi Baker's Wife,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. As John mentioned, it certainly does sound like you have a lot of different issues to think about.

Seeking help and advice from a Dr and/or a psychologist or counsellor will help you to rearrange your life, ways of thinking and acting so you cope a lot better and are able to make changes hopefully.

Can you sit down with your husband and chat with him about how you are feeling?

Sometimes it is very difficult to understand why a partner sticks up for his/her family more than for his or her own partner.

In the evenings a while before you go to bed, can you write up a list of things you need to do the next day and discuss that with your husband and ask if he can assist in any way.

Maybe you could write out three disappointments from your day and then three things you enjoyed during the day.

I know you said it causes you anxiety when you leave the business, but can you arrange to have a day off? Ask the family to come in to assist your husband?

It sounds like you need to find a bit of space and time for yourself, even if it is just a half hour to go for a walk now and then.

Hope some of this is helpful!

From Mrs. Dools

Bakers_wife · ‎23-02-2015

Hi

firstly thank you! Thank you for hearing me.

so yes I have been to my gp and I was moved on to the mental health team. This was about 12 months ago. I then processed with them for some time & was diagnosed with Drepression, high anxiety and stress. I have been put on medication. I have tried to stay on them but can't function with side effects. My town is small and no there is not much out here in the west. When I go to my gp he doesn't do anything just tells me he can give me more of my medication. Which again I keep telling them I can't take. I have to be able to drive everyday for work and my kids.

There has been many days I have tried to talk to my partner about his family but again it only leads to one thing a difference of opinion. no matter what happens it's in one ear out the other.

I have many times left and gone home to Sa to vist family which always leaves me struggling more as I then am behind I. What already is late lodgements. I have a bookkeeper which did help to take a lot of pressure off on me. (Thank god I have her or I don't know where I would be)

i feel as if I give and give and I'm getting two steps behind everyday.

I have spoke. With my sister who is a mental health social work. She run her own team back home and also teaching at the uni. I do feel as if she has helped me a little but communication is normally every few months.

Im just not understand why I can't kick this. I feel sorry for my kids the most to have to see it but not understand it all.

Doolhof · ‎24-02-2015

Hi Baker's Wife,

I'm wondering if you have tried more than one type of medication? I certainly need to drive every day as part of my job and my medication is fine for that. Could you ask to try something different?

Sometimes talking about your partner's family or friends does not always get you anywhere. It is worth a try though. I have decided that even if I don't like a person and my husband does, I will try to be friendly to that person as long as I am not being trodden on in the mean time.

I have learnt that I can not change my husband, his family, some of my friends or any one, all I can do is to change myself, how I think, act and behave.

Have you tried to connect with anyone else here on the forum? There are lots of lonely people out there who just need someone to listen to them. I find that when I try to help others I don't have as much time to think about my own problems.

In saying that, you already mentioned that you give so much and feel tired having done so.

When you have the time, I would like to encourage you to have quality time with your children. Read them a book, even 5 minutes is better than nothing at all. Make it fun. Have a laugh with them.

You could sing nursery rhymes in the car as you drive around. Make the most of the time you do have together and get joy from your children.

You are trying to beat this, so hang in there and keep fighting for the life you want to have.

From Mrs. Dools