Is it possible that I have depression and should I see a GP about this? (No history or known family history)

[guineapigs]

Hi, Im new to this. I don’t really know where to begin. I think if I speak up about it, people will think I’m faking it for attention because I always act happy, though lately I’ve been finding it more difficult and breaking down at random times, and I am rather young (17, F) and I’ve heard lots of people say teenagers fake depression.I have searched up the symptoms of depression, and even though I know it’s different for everyone, I have been having lots of the symptoms for a while. Today I took the depression/anxiety test, and got high (40) which recommended me to see a GP ASAP. I don’t want to waste the GP’s time in case I’m fine, which I might be since I believe things easily and overreact to things. It could just be the sadness I’m feeling about some things that have been happening lately. I have always been paranoid, nervous and insecure. I have always felt anxious about things such as speaking in front of the class-or even just ordering food, I have always had a habit of kicking/swinging my legs, I’ve always hated my physical appearance, I have always felt like I’m not good enough, always felt worthless, but I’ve only become aware of how bad it’s been recently. I have always been paranoid about the most random things at the most random times, but lately I feel like everything I was afraid would happen is happening. I have been a bit shaky at random times which I haven’t noticed before.I've been having a hard time trying to feel really happy, or even just neutral. I’m always either feeling numb or mental/physical pain. Sometimes I feel like there’s literally a big dark cloud over my mind to prevent me from thinking about things apart from sadness.In the last few years I have been a good student with great grades, but lately I’ve been having a harder time paying attention in class. While my grades have been going down, everyone else’s grades seem to be going up, so I have been comparing myself to people more than ever. I want good grades, I want to be productive, but I’ve just been struggling with it.I have a hard time falling asleep and getting out of bed when I wake up. I stay in bed for as long as possible, I stress eat in bed, I have been watching more videos/playing more video games than doing homework, I don’t really exercise anymore, and sometimes I don’t have an appetite at all. Sometimes I randomly feel physical sharp chest pains and have a hard time breathing, not just in situations not make me nervous, even just when I’m relaxing.

[IreneM]

Hi gineapig

First of all a warm welcome to the forum.

You sound like a very caring warrior. By the sound of things you definitely need help - but don't try to give your symptoms a name until you see your gp and ask for a mental health plan and a referral to a psychotherapist, and most importantly a diagnosis.

You have already taken the initial precautionary steps to getting professional help. Depending on what your doctor says I think it will be a good time to take a break from your studies. Or do what I am doing, just one tiny bit at a time, usually known as modules (depending on your college, uni or R.T.O.). I have changed to a self-paced college which helps a bit and reduces pressure to be perfect. It also sounds like online education is better for you than face-to-face.

What matters is you and you personally - don't try to compare yourself to anyone else. You matter most, if you cannot LOOK AFTER YOURSELF (check out the link below), you cannot do anything for anyone else or be there for them. The options for self-care are endless, check out the Stay Well section of this forum too, to see what different ones do to take care of themselves.

Take care and keep us posted.

Irene.

[Alexlisa]

Hello Guineapig.

Welcome to the forum. It’s great that you’ve reached out here. I know that first step can be hard.

I can hear you’re quite distressed about how you’re feeling and what to do. It sounds like you do need some help, you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. The first time I had depression was in high school. I felt so alone with what I was experiencing, and different from my classmates. The turning point for me was reaching out to an adult that I trusted. In my case, it was one of my teachers. I was really nervous because I was worried she’d think I was just overreacting, but it wasn’t the case at all. I think these days there is so much awareness about mental health, especially in youth. Over the last years in high school I had a few teachers looking out for me, and although my depression was awful, it helped immensely to know that I had these safe people in my life.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, then talking to them would probably be best. Or your GP or school counscellor. But if not, don’t let it stop you from getting help. It could be another adult in your life that you trust and feel comfortable with - another relative, a family friend...

I know going to your GP or school counscellor can feel intimidating, but they can help you and will likely be proud of your bravery for reaching out. Sometimes I still get nervous that I don’t ‘deserve’ help or that people will think I’m just overreacting. But I now realise that those feelings are mostly my depression and anxiety talking, telling me that I don’t matter or I’ll be judged. I’m not surprised that you’re having these worries about whether you really need help. But you absolutely shouldn’t go through this alone. And you absolutely deserve to get help. Any level of mental illness is tough to deal with and I want you to know that with how you’re feeling, it’s ok to ask for help.

Other than Beyond Blue there are a couple of youth mental health organisations that you can contact if you need more information or help. I’ve contacted them in the past when I just needed someone to talk to, or for when I needed help knowing what to do next.

- Kidshelpline.com.au is also for people under 25. They have a 24hour support line on 1800 55 1800. Or online chat support between 8am-12am.

- Reachout.com is for people under 25

Please reach out to someone. You deserve help and not to be alone in this. And if the first time you you don’t feel heard, try again.

Take care

Alexlisa

[White_Rose]

Dear Guineapig

I too offer you a warm welcome to the forum. It's a good start for you. Alexlisa has given you a couple of places to talk to someone. These are good options, plus a trusted adult such as a teacher.

You say you are nervous about talking to your GP in case he/she thinks you are faking. Your GP would be pleased to find nothing amiss but I suspect this will not be the case. Your high score on the K10 checklist indicates the need for help. Your GP is the best place to start.

No one likes to feel different or admit to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. Mental health is spoken about more openly these days but we know there is still a great deal of misinformation around. Talk to the experts and get solid information. Have you browsed the BB information? Lots there to read.

No need for me to repeat the suggestions above except to say you are a worthwhile person and need help to get through this horrible part of your life. Write in here as often as you wish. We may not answer immediately but we are here.

Mary

[guineapigs]

Hello everyone,

Thank you all for the warm welcomes and kind messages 🙂

It has been almost 2 months since I last wrote anything about my emotions, I guess I assumed it all just magically disappeared and that I was never that depressed in the first place, just dramatic or something.

Yesterday, my school had a play/lecture where they talked about mental health, seeking help, etc, and everything came back. My mind was suddenly in a dark place, I could really relate to the things they said such as becoming worse at a skill due to mental health, and I broke down. Part of me does know that I probably need help, I don't know why I just can't bring myself to do it or accept it (I have nothing against people with mental health, it's just that I know some people in my family look down on mental health issues and I know that I'd be looked down upon even more than I already am if I do have depression)

Another reason why I'm afraid to get it checked out is because of the chance that I'm actually not depressed because I have a hard time letting go of my happy act and telling people about my deep dark feelings/thoughts, and I've never been through anything traumatic or anything, so I'm afraid that it'll turn out that I'm actually fine, and I would've wasted the GP's time and some money. I don't know how to actually get the courage to get myself checked out instead of ignoring it like I've been doing for the last few months (I know it makes things worse, I just can't bring myself to get help).

I do have amazing friends and family, I just can't bring myself to open up to them completely or get help, and my school's counsellor is kinda bad.

I don't know if this is real or a rumour someone made up to scare people, but I read that having a loss of concentration, getting easily distracted, feeling mental numbness and head feeling heavy kind of like a block (all rather regularly) is a sign of untreated mental health. I have been feeling all of these things for a long time, but I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if I actually have untreated mental health.

I'm sorry for rambling, it's been really hard keeping everything inside and trying to ignore it (I'm going to have to ignore it for another months or so because I've got exams coming up and no time or courage to see a GP, yay!)

But overall:

1. Should I actually try to get help? And if so, how do I get over the things holding me back?

2. Are the symptoms I'm feeling a sign of untreated mental health?

Thank you!

[guineapigs]

Hey IreneM,

Thank you for the warm welcome! While I do think that a break from studying might be good, my family has really high expectations for me and I feel really pressured to stay in school, but I probably will if things get worse. How can I do a uni course a little bit at a time? What are some universities that will allow that?

I can't see the link below that you mentioned, but I will check out the Stay Well forums soon!
Right now I just don't really know how to take care of myself and how to seek help, because I don't know how to open up to my parents about all of this and ask them to take me to a place I can get help (unfortunately my school counsellor isn't very good, she encouraged someone I know to stay in a toxic relationship, so I don't really want to see her), and if I do end up going to a GP, I don't know how to talk to them about it, because I usually struggle with expressing my emotions if I'm put on the spot

Thank you!

[guineapigs]

Hello Alexlisa,

I am so sorry you went through that, and I hope you're doing much better now! I know that there is much more mental awareness for mental health in youth now, and my friends are extremely supportive, I'm just struggling with bringing myself to get help because my mind goes blank when I'm put on the spot, which will probably make it seem like I'm being dramatic and faking it or something. I am really paranoid about opening up to people because I am afraid of what their reactions could be, and when people check on me, I freak out and I struggle with expressing my emotions, and usually just tell them I'm tired or stressed about school.

I do love and trust the adults in my life, I just don't really want to open up to them because they all have bigger and more important things to worry about than my mental health, and I wouldn't know how to tell them-like where to begin.

Thank you for all the information-I am really anxious about making calls, but my mental health has been getting worse since my last post, and I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing if I'm just being paranoid and dramatic or if there's something more serious than that.

Thank you for your reply, and I hope you're doing well!

[guineapigs]

Hey Mary,

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and the support, I have been getting worse and am reaching the point where I probably have to go see a GP sooner or later. Thing is I don't really know how to express my feelings to the GP, I wouldn't know where to begin, I would have difficulties explaining things to them because of my paranoia of being judged and the fact that I usually cry when I bring myself to tell people about my mental health.

I haven't browsed much of the BB Information yet, but I think I will before speaking up to adults about my feelings or seeing a GP

Thank you!