Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[JustTam84]

We’re all here for you Captain T

even if im not very active, I still check in when I feel capable. It’s a horrible place to be, I know, I I and out of there with you. We can do this, even though we are exhausted and don’t want to. One thing everyone suggested that I actually tried, was writing it all down, and it’s actually been very helpful. I hate that we don’t get to control how we feel. 
Always thinking of you Captain T x

[Captain T]

Hey everyone 

Sorry I’m not in the mental space to respond to all your comments and support individually. 

I’ve been trying self talk snd it’s not working. I am journaling to try and find triggers and signs. 

Im still I’m that dark place but I haven’t hurt myself for a couple of days. So that must be a good sign. 

I do read all your comments but just struggling with communicating back. Please don’t be offended as I do appreciate the support. 

I still hate everything about me but I don’t wish I would die anymore so that has to be some progress. 

Thank you everyone 

[Petal22]

Thanks for coming back to us Captain T.

and that’s ok…..

Captain T do you think these thoughts you are having about yourself could be coming from your upbringing due to this conditioning.?

If it is Captain T you can learn how to challenge these thoughts and beliefs with your mental health team.

We can create new path ways in your brains…….. you can change these thoughts and beliefs to your own…. And see the old ones for what they are and where they come from.

Sometimes to heal we need to pull of the scab and then heal all layers properly and this involves feeling.

This is something that you will be able to do with your phycologist.

[ecomama]

Hugs Captain T,

I admire your perseverance and noticing the improvements. 

This is your thread, so whatever you do with it is up to you. 

Know we care and will be here for you when you're ready. 

Love EMxxxx

[Captain T]

Hi guys. 

Im still in that dark place but the SH and suicidal urges have eased. Maybe I’m on the way out of this again. 

Trying to do positive self talk and I’m acknowledging my achievements even though it’s hard. 

Hopefully during the week I’ll be in a place to respond to you all properly. I just wanted to let you guys know how I’m going and that I can finally feel safe. 

[ecomama]

Dear Captain T, thankyou for popping in and letting us know you're safe. 🤗

Please don't worry about "responding to me properly" for one. I don't want you to think there's any burden coming on to your own thread dear girl. 

If you do wish to have contact, to keep it short, our other Threads on 3 Self-care things and 3 things you're thankful for today are sweet to pop in to too. 
It may seem quite meaningless but these 2 things (which turn in to many over time) have been research proven to help depression lift, even support recovery of many types of MHIs. 

Still.... that's not homework lol! 

Thinking of you and hope you're doing well today
Love EM

[JustTam84]

Hi Captain T

Definitely don’t worry about having to respond. No pressure at all. I don’t know about you, but just reading things helps me a little. Even if you don’t have it in you to respond. The most important thing is you and that you are safe. It’s a horrible thing, I know. But it’s not who we are, it’s just a part of us. We can do this. It’s hard not being able to control your own feelings, but I believe your willpower and persistence is amazing honestly. You’ve got this hun 🙂

[Captain T]

Struggling again.  I hate this. I don’t even know why. Can’t talk because I don’t even know what is wrong or why I feel so deeply dark. It’s so hard to keep fighting and not getting anywhere. Maybe I’m just not worth it. I have urges that I don’t want or need. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Captain T

We're so sorry to hear how much you're struggling tonight. We want you to know that we're here for you, and also that we're reaching out to you privately to see if you would like some extra support from us tonight.

We know that when we hit rock bottom sometimes it feels like it's never ending, and like we're not getting anywhere, but we want to remind you that you have had some better days as well recently, and to recognise that this feeling won't last forever... Just hang in there...

We hear you saying that you feel as though maybe you're just not worth it, but we want you to know that you are, and that you're not only amongst friends here online in the forums, but that you mean a lot to us as well.

If we can't reach you tonight, please don't hesitate to reach out to us anytime (24/7) on 1300 22 4636, or via chat (you can reach us online here). There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14, and if this becomes an emergency, please don't hesitate to call 000, or take yourself to your nearest hospital emergency department for care. Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Captain T]

I have urges but I am safe for now